“Seller remains” – Death by MLS

April 9, 2014


I’m b-a-a-ack. Yes, it’s Blooper Day again, and goofs were everywhere this past week. Reading the MLS was like reading a comic book, and the local real estate ads were even more, uh, “creative.”

I also received some very funny submissions from my sharp-eyed colleagues. Thanks to Jan Pastras,  Jane Peters and Patrick Martin, all of L.A.,  for their help with all the fun. Please enjoy:


“Condo has food bones” (Offered by Carnivore Condos – Motto: “We kill it, we eat it, we sell it.”)

“Construction complete in Mars” (You should consider setting up business there.)

“Nice nieghborhoof” (If the neighbor has a hoof, hell must be just around the bend.)

“Clogs in bathroom removed permanently” (Headline: Riverdancer expires in bathroom accident.)


“Spa hater being fixed” (Spa or spay – obviously you are very serious about your Jacuzzi!)

“New construption” (In Jersey, we call that a Mob-job.)

“Buyers will love medic room”  (They’ll need a medic when they see their first mortgage statement.)

“Check mao for directions” (Can I get eggroll with that?)

Bon Appetite

“Trash hollers Fri” (You must be referring to the dumpsters behind Tony Two-Fingers’ Pork Store.)

“Fondation proplems” (That’s just the beginning of your problems…)

Advertise with The American Genius

“Fern won’t stay” (Well, can you at least train her to fetch?)

“All quesetions answered in discovers” (Perhaps you’ll discover a dictionary.)

Bon Voyage

“Seller remains” (After an unsuccessful attempt to explain the dead guy in the closet, Realtor Rita finally admitted to an “unfortunate accident” with an electric spatula.)

“Electric chair on stairs” (Apparently this was installed for Rita.)

“We have bend over everything” (Then “bend over” and kiss your a_ _ goodbye!)

That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: Spell well and sell!

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I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.


  1. Too funny, Gwen. Thank you.

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