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13 Ways To Slay Self Doubt

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UnchainYourBrainSelf Doubt.  The Opposite Of Laughing At Your Own Jokes.

I image it’s normal.  Self-Doubt.

It chokes my heart and jacks with my head.  Self Doubt questions constrict and conflict me.

Am I smart enough?

Am I clever enough?

Am I flexible enough?

Am I old fashioned?

Am I good looking enough?

Am I lazy?

Am I boring?

Does anyone really care?

Does any of this crap really work?

If some of this crap works, which crap is it?

When it works am I dumb-lucky or good?

Will it last?

Will it end?

Am I funny?

Do I have ANY talent?

Do people like me?

Do I like myself?

Am I good enough?

I’ve learned to mask, subvert and most often, slay it.

Do you Self Doubt?

If you do, I’ll share 13 ways I slay Self-Doubt.  But first, let me set my context.

Yesterday.

Today’s frantic pace of life is relentless.

I’ve been around along time.  Fidy-2 years, 30 years in the RE biz.

In the old days, it was semi-peaceful.  Imagine no iPhones.  No eMail.  No internet.  No Facebook.  No blogging or Tweeting.  No rush, rush Fed/Ex. No computers. No cable TV.   I don’t remember what we did with all our free time?

Today.

Today we run a frantic pace.  Choices seem unlimited.  Change and challenge is relentless.

This is the world we live in:

Click 2 Play This Video - Buckle Up

Click 2 Play This Video - Buckle Up

More Competitors.

Higher Expectations.

Steeper Learning Curves.

The Fast Eat The Slow.

More Sophistication.

More Knowledge.

More Uncertainties.

More Possibilities.

More  opportunities to Self-Doubt my ability to realize my possibilities and opportunities.

Does an inner voice ever whisper sour Self-Doubts to you?   Here’s 13 Ways I Slay-Self Doubt.  This list isn’t perfect, foolproof or complete.  I’m hoping you’ll leave what works for you in the comments – that’d be cool.

13 Ways To Slay Self Doubt

I begin by listening to my Self-Doubt self talk.  I don’t ignore it or Self-Doubt myself for Self-Doubting.  I don’t punish or berate myself.  I know Self-Doubt is my normal, and my quirky friend.

  1. I’m learning you can’t make a Cat Bark.
  2. I’m learning I can’t control outcomes that involve other people, I can only control my actions.
  3. I’m learning that giving my best IS good enough.  Some will, some won’t, so what.  Next.
  4. I’m learning when I miss my mark, I can mope, blame and make excuses, or learn, adjust and redirect.  If it’s important, I redirect.
  5. I’m learning Lincoln,  “You can please some of the people all the time and you can please all the people some of the time, but you can’t please all the people all the time”.
  6. I’m learning to discern the difference between what’s sincerely important to me and what I’ve been conditioned to think “should” be important to me.  I’m choosing “sincere”.
  7. I’m learning that some days are just crappy days.  That’s life.
  8. I’m learning that performance, weather, seasons and life all ebb and flow like Costa Rican waves.
  9. I’m learning life is not a sprint and it’s never over until I quit.  Sometimes it’s smart to quit.
  10. I’m learning that letting go means letting go, not sorta letting go or carrying it lightly.
  11. I’m learning to recognize haters and ignore them.
  12. I’m learning to enjoy The Now more.
  13. I’m learning that my self-worth is not determined by others, but by myself.

Bonus: I’m learning that my Self-Doubt can illuminate opportunities for improvement.

Hit Submit

I’m almost through writing this post.  I’ll let it sit and simmer.  I’ll tweak this and chop that.

Before I click SUBMIT, a shadow of Self-Doubt pauses my finger.  I wonder is this post any good?  Does anyone really care?  Am I a good writer?  Will this help anyone or is it just an exercise in delusional egoism?

I’ll give it another read.  Tweak, delete, add, tweak.

It’s not my best, it’s not my worst, it’s good enough. I know it’s impossible to please everyone, so I’ll please myself.

I hit SUBMIT.

Wonder what I’ll write about next week?   Will it be good enough….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK.  As I said earlier, I can use all the help I can get.  I’m certain, we’d all love to hear other ways to Slay Self Doubt. Care to share?  What works for you?  Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Clink-Cheers.  Thanks for reading.

Ken Brand - Prudential Gary Greene, Realtors. I’ve proudly worn a Realtor tattoo for over 10,957+ days, practicing our craft in San Diego, Austin, Aspen and now, The Woodlands, TX. As a life long learner, I’ve studied, read, written, taught, observed and participated in spectacular face plant failures and giddy inducing triumphs. I invite you to read my blog posts here at Agent Genius and BrandCandid.com. On the lighter side, you can follow my folly on Twitter and Facebook. Of course, you’re always to welcome to take the shortcut and call: 832-797-1779.

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24 Comments

24 Comments

  1. Tina McManus

    July 13, 2009 at 7:28 am

    Thanks for this post. It was like the voice in my head – with humor. Good advice.

  2. Joe Loomer

    July 13, 2009 at 8:51 am

    Ken,

    I like #’s 2 and 6. Although I will say that in certain situations, your actions can control the outcomes that involve other people – or at a minimum influence them.

    Number 6 – for me – ties in to the Millionaire Real Estate Agent concept of “The Big Why.” Learn what’s important to you, and use it as the foundation for everything you do. If you have your “Why?” right, everything else can feed positively off that. Your “Why” is yours to choose, it can be for love of family and a want to have an abundant life, it can be anything – a desire to earn enough money to go play golf for a year straight – wanting to hit the million dollar GCI level -doesn’t matter – it’s YOURS.

    If you get the “Why” wrong, however, you can easily end up with more self-doubt.

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  3. Mike Price

    July 13, 2009 at 10:05 am

    Ken,
    I’ve had the opportunity to provide services to the RE industry almost half of your 30 years. I’ve been lucky enough to have you as a friend almost that entire time. Despite your tenure you say constantly what few in the industry can after 30 years..”I’m learning to…”

    I remember the day I came to your office many years ago for a meeting and saw a copy of “The Cluetrain Manifesto” on the shelf behind your desk. We’ve been swapping books since. How many of your contemporaries did you have a cup of coffee with and discuss the impact of that now classic tome? In my opinion you’ve set a standard by which the words “Continuing Education” in the real estate industry should be blown up and re-built.

    Few people in the industry have done a better job of embracing the challenges of change while respecting what can be learned from the professionals who have built strong books of traditional business. What have I learned from admiring your style of sales management? One of the best ways to overcome self-doubt is to know what you’re talking about and knowing who to turn to if you don’t.

  4. Matt Thomson

    July 13, 2009 at 10:28 am

    Don’t mean this to sound preachy, but when my self doubt creeps in (as it did prior to writing this comment) I try to remind myself that it’s not all about me. There’s a greater purpose in this life than making myself happy. I remember that Jesus called us friends, and while I was still a sinner, he cared enough to die for me despite all of my faults.
    It’s tough to get down and worry when you realize you are that important.

  5. Reuben Macias

    July 13, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    Pretty basic stuff, just have to remember to stop and take a deep breath and remember the stuff. Good little article…

  6. tomferry

    July 13, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Ken-

    Nicely done piece Ken … Your “#4 I’m learning when I miss my mark, I can mope, blame and make excuses, or learn, adjust and redirect. If it’s important, I redirect” was great. When things like this happen, I say: “declare it perfect” the way it is and then just move on. Self doubt is a tough critic to shake, so reminders like this are really important for us all to read.

    Also, thanks for the video share. Awesome to watch!

    Here’s to us all hitting “SUBMIT” and making things happen!

    TF

  7. renee kische

    July 13, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    This is fantastic! Just what you need on a day of “self soubt”. Thanks for the laughs

  8. Ken Brand

    July 13, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Tina – Thanks. Yeah, those voices can be pesky and our best friends, whisper, whisper.

    Joe – Great point. “Why” is the question we should be asking ourselves, daily…keeps us on track. Thanks.

    Mikey My Man – Thanks for the compliment. I’m a life long learner because real estate is pure “pay for performance”, if you’re not learning and reinventing….bad things happen….hell, bad things happen even when you reinvent like Edison. And you’re bull-eye on the money, you don’t have to know everything, but you gotta know who does or how to find them. Cheers Mike. Thanks.

    Matt – It’s not preachy – it’s passion brother. That’s an X factor. Rock On and thanks.

    Tom – Amen. Great point – Hit Submit till your fingers bleed, then hit it again. Thanks.

  9. Erion Shehaj

    July 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    YES! This post is good enough plus a bag of Sunchips worth of overflowing eloquence.

    I find that sometimes the best way to slay self doubt is to lean on your foundation: family and friends.

  10. Ken Brand

    July 14, 2009 at 7:28 am

    Reuben – Check. It seems it’s all about the basics. Focus on those and the rest clicks into place. thanks.

    Rene – Thanks:-)

    Erion – I’m with you. You gotta have a strong core and Sun Chips. Cheers.

  11. Brandie Young

    July 14, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    If you were a woman “Does this make me look fat” would be near the top of the list…
    Sad, but true, for some reason we find it easier to believe our doubts than the accolades others offer.
    Thanks for this post. It was very good. It was very helpful. You rock! xo

  12. Carolyn G-Tu

    July 14, 2009 at 10:18 pm

    Ken this is a very good list and one likely many of us stuggle with – I’m with Brandi it is too easy to believe our doubts instead of focusing on our strengths. Many times we are too close to things and that is where friends and family can help us see the bigger picture.

  13. Ken Brand

    July 15, 2009 at 7:59 am

    Brandie – Too true. SD runs wide and deep. Thanks for the compliment. Cheers.

    Carolyn – Thanks. Encouragement from friends and family is a beautiful thing. Not everyone has that, sadly, some have friends & family who start and fuel the Self Doubt conversation. Uggg.

  14. Missy Caulk

    July 17, 2009 at 9:42 am

    Ken, I had seen that video before but it was well worth to watch again.

    Honestly I don’t have a lot of self doubt, but when I first started writing on AG I did. Benn and I had a nice chat and he told me to “go for it”. I needed that encouragement and now I just let it fly.

    Family and friends are great resources when you are listening to the lil Devil in your mind.

  15. Atlanta Real Estate

    October 6, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Ken,

    Great post. I like #7.

    Ever see this version:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OTgb3KO7QM

    Rob

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Business Marketing

Who’s teaching Gen Z to adapt to working with other generations

(BUSINESS MARKETING) Gen Z patch 1.1: How to work with other generations. The newest tech savy generation might need an update to work well with others

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generation z

We know the current work force is made up of a multitude of generations which is the first time so many have been working at the same time in history and this is should be absolutely fascinating to dig in to the research and how this drastically affects businesses.

To think how we each have our work ethic and style influenced by so many factors on how and when (and where) we were raised, plus what generation our parents were in and what was passed down to them from the generation before. Millennials received a lot of attention for being entitled and lazy. Gen X receive constant jokes that they are the forgotten generation. And let’s not forget the cringe-worthy “OK Boomer” meme theme recently.

Now we have moved on to Gen Z (b. ~ 1997-2012) in the work force and many are currently attending college. There were other considerations for their name: Gen Tech, Gen Wii, Net Gen, Digital Natives, Plurals, and Zoomers. If you google about them, there are many books to read about this generation that has never NOT known technology.

They are used to being seconds away to finding an answer on Google, sending their current status to friends via a fun picture or video and learning anything they want to learn via their laptop (for example on YouTube, LinkedIn Learning, Google online courses, Udemy, Teachable, among others). They are no strangers to businesses evolving to continue to be consumer-minded and have an app for that when it comes to convenience like: ordering your coffee before you get there, order a ride from no matter where you are, order your groceries online and pick them up outside the grocery store or (gasp!) even have them delivered to you via some other third-party app. And let’s not forget, there better be Wi-Fi on the plane.

There are a lot of wonderful things about every generation and maybe some things we all contribute to regarding stereotypes. No matter age, experience or style, it’s key to learn about the people you are working with (peers, supervisors, leadership teams) or if you are an entrepreneur and business owner: your customers and any differences needed for them (should you be on Tik Tok? Is Instagram still where it’s at? How do you add online appointments to your site? Do you need an app for that?).

In this world of instant gratification, we have all adapted to the conveniences of technology so why would this new generation be any different. There’s been research shared with how they shop and even how they learn. Is anyone teaching them about those that came before them when they enter the work force or look to gain professional experience working with entrepreneurs, startups or small business owners?

I’d like to recommend taking a look at Lindsey Pollak’s research, read or listen (thank you, Audible) to her latest book, The Remix, How to Lead and Succeed in the Multigenerational Workplace and even her new podcast, The Work Remix, for any limited on time or attention span. It is really powerful how she is able to easily translate lots of research in to actionable items (let’s bring back apprenticeships! Skip the ping pong table for more time in nature!). She is kind and provides refreshing ideas on how to adapt our work styles to others as well as what is important in the workforce. She is also really against generational shaming. ALL OF IT. And that’s beautiful.

So, before we roll our eyes and throw a generational comment at someone, can we get to know each other better and be flexible and adaptable in how we find and work toward our common goals? For one, I’m excited working with iGen and am always asking myself (as a loud and proud Gen Xer) how I can adapt or meet their learning styles. All in fun, I do wish they would read my emails but I might have to let that go and get more used to text.

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Business Marketing

Malomo helps online retailers keep up with retail giants

(BUSINESS MARKETING) With giant companies like amazon able to offer free shipping, and super fast arrival times, how can a smaller company keep up?

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Malomo home page

When Amazon is out here offering two-day shipping on all kinds of products from televisions to toothbrushes, ordering something from a smaller online retailer can have an almost humbling effect.

When faced with a basic UPS tracking number and shipping email, you realize how accustomed you’ve gotten to receiving play-by-play shipping information and a little photograph of your package when it arrives at your front step.

People have come to expect a lot from their online shopping experience. Huge online retailers, like Amazon, are crafting these expectations as another strategy to edge out competition. It’s all by design. So, how are smaller companies supposed to keep up with this demand?

Online retailers need tools that allow them to compete with the big boys and Malomo is here to help. Malomo is a shipment tracking platform designed for ecommerce marketers who want to level up their customer experience. Their mission is to help brands build authentic relationships with customers. Their platform allows online retailers to keep their customers up-to-date with shipping information using a beautiful branded platform.

Malomo could be a game changer for online retailers looking to build a more faithful customer base. Malomo’s platform can do so much more than send tracking information. The platform adds another layer to the customer journey by letting you create a digital space where your business can continue to build that customer brand connection.

Online retailers can use the platform to inform customers if there are any issues with their order such as a late shipment or a problem with an item. The platform can also be used to advertise other products, educate customers about the brand, or send targeted coupons.

In addition to offering a beautiful platform, Malomo provides online retailers with valuable analytics on customer behavior such as click-through rates on tracking information. Malomo integrates with popular ecommerce platforms such as Shopify making it a smooth addition to your overall strategy.

By integrating these ecommerce tools online retailers can harness the power of data to improve their customer experience, drive future sales, and keep up with customer demands for a world-class shipping experience.

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Business Marketing

Is Easy Advocacy the tool your business needs for ad campaign reach?

(BUSINESS MARKETING) Product claims to make employee advocacy easier than ever with a tool that’s designed to enlist employees to share campaign content online.

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easy advocacy welcome page

Ever wished you could get all of your employees in on your campaigns, enlisting them all to help make your digital content go “viral”?

No? To be honest, me either – at least not until I learned about a new program called Easy Advocacy, created by a company called Agora Pulse.

Easy Advocacy is a productivity and marketing tool geared towards harnessing the power of larger internal groups (employees) in order to make content sharing (campaigns, social media posts, etc.) as easy as possible. The product is listed on Product Hunt, which is essentially a tech geek’s paradise for new and interesting technology. This week, on February 19th, Easy Advocacy was listed as the #1 product of the day.

The website boasts features like:

• Quick campaign setups
• Making content easier to share
• Knowing the reach of your shares

In addition to making it easier for employers to have their employees share content, the platform also offers basic analytics pertaining to things like number of shares and website visits. Employers can also identify their top advocates through a leaderboard.

Their website’s description of the toolset says that the tool “dispels the hassle of the usual employee advocacy complaints and makes the process of sharing content with employees, who then share on their social channels, easy peasy.”
One way it does this is by emailing your employees the exact instructions and copy the company would like them to share, making it somewhat automated.

Now, while this all seems great, my biggest concern is who their market truly is. Are they going after small teams? Probably not as having a team of only 5 people sharing a campaign would be nearly fruitless – unless you happen to have a major social media influencer under your employment.

If they go after larger companies, like Apple, for example, I can see this tool being helpful. However, it’s a little bit of a double-edged sword. Larger companies typically are beyond the point of needing word-of-mouth campaigns. Let’s use Apple as an example here, too. They’ve been around for years, and according to Statista, 45.3% of smart phone owners in the U.S. go with Apple iPhones. Given this, and the fact that everyone already knows what an iPhone is (unless you live under a rock…), I really can’t see much need for a tool like Easy Advocacy for such a large company.

So, where does that leave the company? Only time will tell. My first bit of advice to the company is that the name definitely needs work. The name “Easy Advocacy” implies that there’s some kind of advocacy happening for employees, when in reality, this platform is meant to help employers. But given my points above, I think they need to think about their model some more and maybe make this tool something that’s more robust that companies of all sizes can use.

Full disclosure, this does not mean it’s not worth trying out. Give it a shot and let us know what you think.

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