Quarantining, sheltering in place, staying home. We’re tired of hearing it; we’re tired of doing it. Yet, it’s what we still need to be doing to stay safe for a while longer. All of this can be lonesome. As the days turn into weeks and weeks into months, the alone time is getting to even the most introverted among us.
Solitary confinement is considered one of the most psychologically damaging punishments a human can endure. The New Yorker reported on this in a 1992 study of prisoners in detention camps in the former Yugoslavia, as well as Vietnam veterans who experienced isolation. These studies showed that prisoners who had experienced solitary confinement demonstrated similar brain activity to those who’d suffered a severe head injury, noting that “Without sustained social interaction, the human brain may become as impaired as one that has incurred a traumatic injury.”
We aren’t meant to be solitary creatures. Your “pandemic brain” is real. That fogginess, the lack of productivity, can be attributed to many things, including anxiety, but being kept apart from other humans is a big part of it too. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace, and join others virtually. Be it an app, a class, a Facebook group, a chat room, or a livestream, someone somewhere is out there waiting to connect with you too.
The good news? We are lucky enough to live in an era of near limitless ways to interact socially online. Sure, it is different, but it is something. It’s important. The best thing about this type of social interaction is being able to hone in on your specific interests, though I’d caution you against getting caught in an online echo chamber. Diversity of interests, personality, and opinion make for a richer experience, with opportunities for connecting and expanding your worldview.
Here are a few suggestions on ways to socialize while staying home and staying safe. Communicating with other humans is good for you, physically and mentally.
Interactive Livestreams on Twitch:
Twitch is best known as a streaming service for video game fans, but it offers multiple streams appealing to different interests. This is more than passive watching (although that is an option, too) as Twitch livestream channels also have chat rooms. Twitch is fun for people who like multi-tasking because the chat rooms for popular livestream channels can get busy with chatter.
While people watch the Twitch hosts play a video game, film a live podcast, make music or art, mix cocktails, or dance, they can comment on what they’re watching, make suggestions, ask questions, crack jokes, and get to know each other (by Twitch handle, so it is still as anonymous as you want it to be) in the chat room. The best hosts take time every so often to interact directly with the chat room questions and comments.
Many Twitch channels develop loyal followers who get to know each other, thus forming communities. I have participated in the Alamo Drafthouse Master Pancake movie mocks a few times because they are fun and local to Austin, where I live. Plus, in my non-quarantine life, I would go to Master Pancake shows live sometimes. The chat room feels familiar in a nice way. While watching online is free, you can (and totally should) tip them.
Online trivia in real time:
There are some good options for real-time online trivia, but I’m impressed with the NYC Trivia League’s model. They have trivia games online on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. The NYC Trivia League seems to have figured out a good way to run the game live while keeping answers private from the other teams. They run games on Instagram Live with a live video of the host, and participants answer via the question feature. Clever!
Online book club:
First I have to shout out my Austin local independent bookstore, BookPeople, because they are fantastic. They run book clubs throughout the year, along with readings, book signings, and all things book-related. BookPeople hosts several online book clubs during these lockdown days, and most people will find something that appeals to them.
I’m also impressed with this list from Hugo House, a writer’s resource based out of Seattle. This list includes Instagram and Goodread book clubs, book clubs for Black women, rebels, and poetry lovers. The Financial Diet recommends the Reddit book club, if you are comfortable with the Reddit format. Please note that it’s a busy place, but if you like Reddit, you already know this.
Cooking class or virtual tasting:
This is doubly satisfying because you can follow these chefs in real time, and you end up with a meal. There are a couple on Instagram Live, such as The Culinistas or Chef Massimo Bottura.
You can also participate in virtual tastings for wine, whiskey, or chocolate, though you will have to buy the product to participate in the classes (usually held over Zoom or Facebook Live). If you are in Austin, Dallas, or Houston, I recommend BeenThere Locals. The cost of the course includes the wine, spirits, or cooking kit in most cases, and all of the money goes to the business and expert hosting the class.
Look for your favorite wine, spirits, cheese, chocolate makers, and chefs that are local to you to find a similar experience. Most either prepare the class kit for pickup or delivery within a local area.
Quarantine chat:
To interact with another quarantined person seeking social interaction, there’s Quarantine Chat. Quarantine chat is one of the ways to connect through the Dialup app, available on iOS and Android devices. Sign up to make and receive calls when you want to speak with someone. The Dialup app pairs you randomly with another person for a phone conversation, at a scheduled time, either with anyone or with someone with shared interests.
Quarantine chat takes it a step further with calls at random times. When your quarantine chat caller calls, you will not see their number (or they yours), only the “Quarantine Chat” caller ID. If you are unable to pick up when they call, they will be connected with someone else, so there is no pressure to answer. It’s nice to hear someone else’s voice, merely to talk about what you’ve been cooking or what hilarious thing your pet is doing.
Play Uno:
Uno Freak lets people set up games and play Uno online with friends or strangers. Players do not need to register or download anything to play. Uno Freak is web-based.
Talk to mental health professionals:
If your state of loneliness starts sliding toward depression, call someone you can speak to right away to talk over your concerns. When in doubt, call a trained professional! Here are a few resources:
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 am–6 pm, ET, 800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org.
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to this text line 24/7 for someone to text with who will also be able to refer you to other resources: U.S. and Canada: 74174, U.K. 85258, Ireland: 50808.
- Psych Central has put together this comprehensive list of crisis intervention specialists and ways to contact them immediately.
There are many ways to connect even though we are physically apart. These are just a few real time ways to interact with others online. If you want something a little more flesh and blood, take a walk around the block or even sit in a chair in front of where you live.
Wave at people from afar, and remember that we have lots of brilliant doctors and scientists working on a way out of this. Hang in there, buddy. I’m rooting for you. I’m rooting for all of us.
Tom Vanderwell
May 16, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Jonathan,
Every time I hang out at AG, I learn something new. Thanks for the post. Very well said, and very appropriate for those of us on the lending side too…..
Lani Anglin-Rosales
May 16, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Dalton, this is a tough one. It’s frustrating because Trulia has set up something that is really cool- a place for the curious to draw answers from a pool of expertise but often, the “point hungry” do exactly what you’re saying.
My feeling is that whether it is regulated or not, if people would…
(a) stay in their own back yard
(b) be EXTRA cognizant of the code of ethics and representation agreements
(c) ignore becoming MVPs and answer because they are the source of the true answer
…Trulia Voices as a self-governed body would function much better and the consumer experience would be better for agents stepping up voluntarily. Like you mentioned, it’s the PEOPLE that are answering the questions that are the problem, not the format. I have hope though, don’t you?
Kevin Boer
May 16, 2008 at 5:37 pm
…not to mention the craziness of asking for advice in a public forum on a negotiating strategy! People! A client of mine told me a story …they were buying a home a while back, and like most savvy home buyers, they googled the sellers. Turned out the sellers had a blog and they were … you guessed it … blogging about their home selling process. e.g. “We put it on the market for $X, but we’re willing to settle for $Y.” Hello!
Jonathan Dalton
May 16, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Kevin – that’s priceless. I love it.
Lani – yes and no. Will the consumer enjoy the experience if the answer they get is “sorry, but you need to talk to your agent for that advice.” Not that such an answer ever will be unanimous because people are still hoping to win the business that someone else already has.
Lani Anglin-Rosales
May 16, 2008 at 7:13 pm
JD, I disagree. Well, partially. If it swings to the most polar opposite of today’s behavior, Trulia users will (as you stated) provide no value if the answers become canned, thus defeating the purpose of Trulia Voices. HOWEVER, an agent can answer without violating COE by saying “in my experience X, Y, Z but each situation is unique and it’s always best to consult your Realtor who knows all the details first hand.”
It’s not just Trulia voices though, it’s everywhere where online Q&A exist- the current consumer trend is to vet everything. Even if you’ve been told one thing, despite that adviser’s expertise, many just HAVE to consult every source possible before making a final decision. It’s what Benn has referred to as the “bread crumbs” left online for consumers to try to piece together themselves… the excellent professional is always where the expertise is at, regardless of online behavior of some professionals, right, JD?
Barry Cunningham
May 16, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I call it the Active Rain syndrome. For some reason people go crazy over flippin points! Thos systems that are designed to award responses..any responses..allow so much inaccurate information to be offered up…but by gosh they got their points didn’t they?
Ryan Hukill
May 16, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Steve, this may be the most intelligent assessment I’ve seen all day:
“client becomes so frustrated about the inability to receive a coherent answer from an incoherent mob that their driving theory – that there is no value brought to the table by a real estate professional – is confirmed.”
Unfortunately, this situation presents itself daily, in many different forms and forums, and the momentum of stupidity is amazing!
Faina Sechzer
May 16, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Jonathan, My concern is not so much about “monitoring” what my clients do on the Internet. It is more about the quality of the advice that is provided. It amazes me how many RE agents give advice related to transactions in other states. Saying “XYZ is my experience, but in your state you may need ABC”, how useful is it? Even when it’s in the same state, it is like a patient calling up several doctors and asking how his surgery should be done. What could the doctors answer? “In general I do this surgery in an XYZ way, but you may need it in the ABC way. I can’t tell without examining you and seeing the X-ray”.
I had someone on my blog ask very specific questions about the value of the home they were considering buying. I would imagine they were using and agent. Why would they consult an anonymous Internet agent instead of their own? If they don’t trust their agent’s advice why are they using him/her?
Rich Jacobson
May 16, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Jonathan: You won’t get any argument from me. I wrote something along a similar line the other day entitled, “Open Mouth, Insert Fine” or “Real Estate Roulette” that was based on a Trulia Voices encounter. Bottom-line is that way too many agents are far more concerned with littering their contact info than they are giving viable, professional expert advice. Oh, and of course, it never hurts to actually be licensed in the State you’re dispensing said advice….
Dan Connolly
May 17, 2008 at 12:08 am
I have always wondered about the basic idea that it is unethical for one agent to comment on the business practices of another. I understand the reasoning behind NAR and the Code of Ethics, (and I don’t do it) but think about it from the consumer’s point of view! What if doctors did what NAR requires? No more second opinions?
I see the most absurd answers from agents on Trulia, and I want to flame them back to the cabbage truck they fell off of, but I don’t do it. It would make the industry look bad if we bickered amongst ourselves on public forums. But what about the consumers?
What do you do when you see someone spouting crap? Do you comment on the quality of their advice? When we suffer in silence I think the general public thinks we agree!
Jonathan Dalton
May 17, 2008 at 12:30 am
Rich – an excellent point, actually … at what point do the answers delve into unlicensed activity? Had not thought of it but I think that’s a legitimate concern.
Faina – first question for those folks would have been if they’re using an agent. If not, I’d be happy to help if they contacted me through my own blog. Agents giving away free comps on Trulia Voices? Makes much less sense.
Ryan – Steve’s my dad, but I take the compliment anyway.
Barry – stop agreeing with me. You’re freaking me out, baby. 🙂
Lani – just because it’s the trend doesn’t mean it’s necessarily effective. Bell bottoms, flowery design, plaid leisure suits and white shoes were the trend in the 1970s. Doesn’t mean it was the smart way to go, with the benefit of hindsight.
Russell Shaw
May 17, 2008 at 12:42 am
Jonathan, I agree with everything you’ve said here *except* your last comment. Bell bottoms, flowery design, plaid leisure suits and white shoes *was* the smart way to go. Okay, maybe not the flowery design or the plaid leisure suits – but white shoes and bell bottoms sure were! 🙂
Jim Duncan
May 17, 2008 at 7:19 am
I see a couple of problems with the “advice” being given on Trulia Voices, et. al, and Rudy said it in a comment last week:
I’d argue that the space has become so diluted with agents trying to gain presence on the train that *everyone* else has jumped on or is jumping on that there are fewer great ones to learn from.
The competition now to get points, rankings, etc. has become more important than actually giving good advice.
Also, Lani’s right – today’s consumers/buyers/people need to vet everything – it’s why I google things my doctor tells me, what the mechanic says is wrong with my car, how much tires cost, etc. I expect my clients (especially first time homebuyers/sellers) to ask friends and family and google for advice or verification.
The agents offering “advice” and whether that crosses ethical boundaries … that’s an entirely discussion altogether.
/shoulda made this a post
Jonathan Dalton
May 17, 2008 at 8:55 am
Russell – if you were a king here like you and Ladmo, dining at Durant’s every night, maybe … 🙂
Jim – I think Rudy’s timeline is backward … Active Rain was more effective then than now. There are too many people writing schlock for points for the experts to be heard above the shouting.
Trulia Voices is the same way … consumers need to pick through the “I don’t know how it is in Phoenix, but here in Milwaukee …” and the other “call me (please? please? please? please?” answers to get to the real nuggets.
Not that some questions don’t deserve the latter answers, like the recent spate of “would someone help me sell my house?” queries that have popped up. You almost can see Realtors waking to an alarm and sprinting to the keyboard when that happens.
Thomas Johnson
May 17, 2008 at 10:22 am
After the great google juice fiasco at Trulia, my inclination is to just post such point winners such as:
“Consult your Realtor
https://www.ERAHouston.com”
1. Gives me points
2. Keeps me a a top poster in the area with my happy mug/avatar
3. No COE violation
4. Civil disobedience makes me feel better about being bagged by their no follow policy on my listings until Realogy renogotiates the deal.
Eric Blackwell
May 17, 2008 at 11:18 am
@Thomas — too funny. and yet an effective strategy…(grin)
@Kevin Boer–that was a great point. Do I really want a customer who is constantly going and check my advice through as many other folks as they can find on a public forum?? In my SEO consulting practice, you get a couple of those “Well whaddabout what so and so said?” questions. On number three, I ask you if you trust me. If not, go pay them.
If you’re a jackass, that could happen on time #2. (grin)
Patrick Mahony
May 17, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Dude, you`re raining on my first MVP since fourth grade football…..Com`n you`re mess`n with my self esteem,
Dan Connolly
“I see the most absurd answers from agents on Trulia, and I want to flame them back to the cabbage truck they fell off of,” [ Hey! don`t be blaming the IRISH! for this ] “but I don’t do it. It would make the industry look bad if we bickered amongst ourselves on public forums. But what about the consumers?”
“What do you do when you see someone spouting crap? Do you comment on the quality of their advice? When we suffer in silence I think the general public thinks we agree!”
When you correct another Realtor in a public forum, it is not bickering. It is giving the consumer the correct information, you may actually be helping a Realtor who is unconsciously incompetent.
Myself I compete for clients with about 5 or 7 of Arizona`s finer Agents, my answers have to be above par or don`t bother answering at all, and if I am wrong, or I happen to “bend” a rule. They will let me know.
My advice, don`t suffer in silence. It does hurt the industry. Correct away.