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Opinion Editorials

Ass is – are your listing remarks self-descriptive? MLS Bloopers

Fall is here, and as the leaves take on brilliant color, so does the MLS. Check out this week’s rash of bloopers, friends. Most of these remarks tell us more about the agent than the property. Thanks to Greg Cooper of Indianapolis, Jane Peters of Los Angeles, Margaret Goss of Winnetka, IL and Patty Da Silva of Davie, Florida for their great contributions. Nincompoops are nationwide!

Is This Your Bio?

“Ass is” (As ass does?)

“Beautiful arched widows” (Wow – that’s gotta hurt…)

“No bank owe” (Uh, bank owe bigtime to U.S. taxpayers, pal.)

“Agetn Remarsk” (That’s hard to say with martini onions stuck up your nose, isn’t it?)

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“Evacuated – EZ show” (Proudly listed by FEMA Realty and Salvage, Inc.)

The Shat Heard ‘Round the World

“Shat-off has been installed” (Another career down the crapper.)

“Must hold until Tuesday” (Try releasing your shat-off valve…)

“Set amongst lovely pines and okra” (Can I get a side of grits with that?)

“Newly bloated” (So are my ankles, but I’m not advertising it, Fat Fran!)

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“New Korean on counters” (Empty Jack Daniels on floor..)

Editorialize or Memorialize

“…Get a home lone” (Get a Funk and Wagnalls.)

“Hug trees in back” (After you, Birkenstock Betty.)

“House has fukny paint scheme” (Agent has fukny career prospects.)

“Include cops when submitting” (Sorry, bubba – I only submit to George Clooney.)

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And The Dubious Distinction Award Goes To:

“Previous owner died in accidental fire. Lower level may have hazardous air quality.” ( Ya think???)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.


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