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More Poopers, uh “Bloopers”

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Back By Popular Demand: More Agent

Bloopers You’ll Love!

Here’s the list of this week’s best bloopers, which will surely make you all go running to your Spell Czech…uh, I  mean Check:

You’ll get a great feel when you enter. (Can I get that address again?)

Need one moth to close escrow (Moth must produce tiny moth license.)

Home of the famous Rose Bowel Parade (They must think their s__t doesn’t stink!)

Enjoy the fragrance of the Cherry Bottoms (Cherry or not, I’ll pass thank you!)

High volted ceilings (For added spark, no doubt.)

Enjoy the sparkling Poo in the back yard (Only if we can smoke the grass afterward.)

Agent will work on the sellers regardless of their price. (You should get a bonus for that, girlfriend!)

New Breakfast Bra with extra storage  (How uplifting!)

Big Built-in Panty (In case the price scares your bloomers off)

Bonus toom – great for children. (Thank you, Joan Crawford.)

Agricultural tutor (At least it wasn’t a “tooter.”)

Arked doors (Can I get a break on flood insurance?)

Trial Floors (I’ll be the judge of that!)

Fully Equipped Jim (Wow – Is Jim single?)

Handicapped rump in back (I’m restraining myself here.)

Everything is hand rubbed (Is this the same place where you can get a great feel? …And is Jim involved?)

Some Great Selling Points: 

Coved ceilings & dark mold throughout (Try penicillin)

Fish in the nearby fouling river. (Third World Fish and Game Preserve for Sale?)

Kitchen nooke is not permitted (Darn! Call me anyway, Jim.)

“Nice split level located in cuddle-sac” (Don’t tell me about your cuddle-sac, tell Jim.)

Ski Resort and Slop nearby. (From the highs to the lows)

Wool burning fireplace (Did a shepherd live there?)

New crapet throughout (Apparently the shepherd DID live there!)

Naughty pine floors (Acting out due to “crapet” overload, I’m sure.)

Hardwool floors – (Someone needs to sell that shepherd a stable!)

Beautiful new sherry cabinets (For serious drinkers only.)

Pool Table Included – Husband doesn’t know yet. (Balls in side pocket?)

Stuffed heads in library available for purchase. ( How ‘bout the stuffed shirt on the couch?)

Frigideer  (Maybe “Fully Equipped Jim” can solve Deer’s problem.)

Seller notes some irregularity. (Too much information, thank you.)

Call your neighborhood realator. (Then call your Docator.)

Thank you for your patients. (Realtor by day, docator by night?)

Lowballs ignored. (That could be a serious problem – is there a docator in the house?)

Heated seller. (Agitated by lowballs I’ll bet.)

So close to freeway you can see it. (Life in the Fast lane.)

24 Hour Back Doorman ( I won’t even touch this!)

Puding Green (Puh-leeze – I can’t go there either!)

New sprinkles in back yard. (Will someone please wrangle those *!@*&^! sheep?)

Trampoline and fool not included. (Need I say more?)

Thankless Water Heater (Oy Vey! Listed by a Jewish grandmother it seems.)

And My Three Faves:

Seller will pay to Dislocate Tenant (An alternative to eviction – popular in Newark.)

Wine and Hors Ovries Served at Twilight (Booze with a hysterectomy chaser.)

House has Extra Porking space behind studio. ( Yay – Now I know where Jim lives!)

Thanks to Sotheby’s International Realty and all those eagle eyed readers who contributed. (Please accept my apologies, but there were too many to list individually.) And special thanks to the L.A.Times, The Mountain News,  and The MLS.com for unwittingly contributing to the fun. For more funny posts, check out Sherlock of Homes.com.

 

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28 Comments

28 Comments

  1. Michelle DeRepentigny

    April 24, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    Just because of you, I check my MLS comments on my listings every week 🙂

    Now I just need to talk someone else in to proofreading after I do, I never want to be featured in your post!

  2. Ken Brand

    April 24, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    MLS Bloobers or Blog boobsers, the bane of too fast fingers and a lighting fast “submit” stroke.

    Bunny stuff.

    kb

  3. Brandie Young

    April 24, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    LOL funny. BTW – do let us know when you find Jim!

  4. Ken Montville - The MD Suburbs of DC

    April 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    OMG. I’m laughing so hard my eyes are watering. Stop it! I can’t take it anymore. 🙂

  5. Gwen Banta

    April 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Thanks so much for your comments. I laugh each time I discover one of these beauties. A friend just called me to tell me he read an ad this week that announced a “hug price reduction” ( I guess some folks charge for a bit of affection);and another that said, “Don’t enter fenced yard – bull in back.” I can only assume it was a “pit bull,” but one never knows… I am guilty of making mistakes like that myself. I once typed “club foot tub!”

  6. Missy Caulk

    April 24, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    This is so funny…comic relief for me on Friday night. Keep um coming….

  7. Gwen Banta

    April 25, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then we need to get out of the business!

  8. Joshua Dorkin @ BiggerPockets.com

    April 25, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    Great list . . . it is just sad that this type of stuff makes it out there. Thanks for the laugh!

  9. Gwen Banta

    April 25, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    I agree, Joshua. Of course we need to remember that for a lot of people, English is a second language, and even Spell Check does not pick up everything. But perhaps a bit of proof reading would eliminate a few goofs…but then we couldn’t have nearly as much fun!

  10. Joshua Dorkin @ BiggerPockets.com

    April 25, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    Gwen – For many, English is certainly a second language, but sadly, we’re also witnessing the rapid decline of the English language as the education system breaks down and as websites like Twitter force a transition from proper use of words to shorter slang.

    That’s just my $0.02

  11. Gwen Banta

    April 25, 2009 at 10:18 pm

    10-4 on slang, im sure FittyCent would roger your 2cents cuz nothin makes sense anymo.

  12. Ken Brand

    April 26, 2009 at 6:51 am

    Gwen/Joshua – “word”

  13. Joshua Dorkin @ BiggerPockets.com

    April 26, 2009 at 8:11 am

    @ken @Gwen – Thx 4 d cmnts, yo! lol

  14. Lisa Sanderson

    April 27, 2009 at 8:41 am

    Too funny. My eyes are watering too. Forwarding to many real estate peeps right now!

  15. Paula Henry

    April 29, 2009 at 5:17 am

    Gwen – Funny, but sad you actually found this in print. I wonder if clients actually look at their listing online?

  16. Shannon Ware

    May 2, 2009 at 2:33 am

    One of my residential favorites from my MLS:

    “Garage comes complete with wench for engine removal” (her name is Brunhilde?)

  17. Matt Stigliano

    May 3, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Gwen – I’m behind on my reading and I just got to this one. I can barely type because I’m still chuckling at this one:

    Call your neighborhood realator. (Then call your Docator.)

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Opinion Editorials

Job listings are popping up left and right, so what exactly *is* UX writing?

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UX writing

The work of a UX writer is something you come across every day. Whether you’re hailing an Uber or browsing Spotify for that one Drake song, your overall user experience is affected by the words you read at each touchpoint.

A UX writer facilitates a smooth interaction between user and product at each of these touchpoints through carefully chosen words.

Some of the most common touchpoints these writers work on are interface copy, emails, and notifications. It doesn’t sound like the most thrilling stuff, but imagine using your favorite apps without all the thoughtful confirmation messages we take for granted. Take Eat24’s food delivery app, instead of a boring loading visual, users get a witty message like “smoking salmon” or “slurping noodles.”

Eat24’s app has UX writing that works because it’s engaging.

Xfinity’s mobile app provides a pleasant user experience by being intuitive. Shows that are available on your phone are clearly labeled under “Available Out of Home.” I’m bummed that Law & Order: SVU isn’t available, but thanks to thoughtful UX writing at least I knew that sad fact ahead of time.

Regardless of where you find these writer’s work, there are three traits an effective UX writer must-have. Excellent communication skills are a must. The ability to empathize with the user is on almost every job post. But from my own experience working with UX teams, I’d argue for the ability to advocate as the most important skill.

UX writers may have a very specialized mission, but they typically work within a greater user experience design team. In larger companies, some UX writers even work with a smaller team of fellow writers. Decisions aren’t made in isolation. You can be the wittiest writer, with a design decision based on obsessive user research, but if you can’t advocate for those decisions then what’s the point?

I mentioned several soft skills, but that doesn’t mean aspiring UX writers can’t benefit from developing a few specific tech skills. While the field doesn’t require a background in web development, UX writers often collaborate with engineering teams. Learning some basic web development principles such as responsive design can help writers create a better user experience across all devices. In a world of rapid prototyping, I’d also suggest learning a few prototyping apps. Several are free to try and super intuitive.

Now that the UX in front of the writer no longer intimidates you, go check out ADJ, The American Genius’ Facebook Group for Austin digital job seekers and employers. User-centric design isn’t going anywhere and with everyone getting into the automation game, you can expect even more opportunities in UX writing.

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Opinion Editorials

Have an in-person job interview? 7 tips to crush the competition

EDITORIAL) While we all know the usual interview schtick, take some time to really study for your next face-to-face job interview.

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Job interview between two women.

So, you’re all scheduled for an in-person interview for a job you’d kill for. It’s exciting that you’ve made it to this step, but the question is, are you ready? Especially with remote interviews being the new norm, your nerves may feel shaken up a bit to interview in person – but you’ve got this! And many of these tips can be applied no matter the interview setting.

We all know the basics of a job interview: dress nice, get there early, come prepared, firm handshake, yada, yada, yada… However, it’s good to really sit and think about all of the requirements of a successful interview.

There are seven steps for crushing a face-to-face interview. Do your homework upside down and inside out in order to walk into that room.

Which brings us to the first step: know everything you need to know backwards and forwards.

This can be done in two steps: getting to know the company and getting to know yourself. By doing website, social media, and LinkedIn research, you can get a feel of the company culture as well as the position you’re interviewing for.

By getting to know yourself, have a friend ask you some interview questions so you can practice. Also, take a look at your resume through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know you. Make sure everything is clear and can compete with other candidates.

The next step is to anticipate solving future problems. Have some insight on the department that you are interviewing for and come prepared with ideas of how to better this department. (i.e. if it’s marketing, give examples of campaigns you’ve done in the past that have proven to have been successful.)

Step number three requires you to go back to the research board and get some information on the employer. Find out who you’re meeting with (head of HR, head of the department, etc.) and make your self-presentation appropriate for the given person.

Next, work on making the interview conversation a meaningful one. This can be done by asking questions as people like to see you take an interest in them. Also, be sure to never answer the questions as if it’s your regular spiel. Treat each job interview as if this is the first time you’re presenting your employability information.

With this, your next step is to have stories prepared for the job interview. Anecdotes and examples of previous jobs or volunteer/organization experiences can help bring life to an otherwise run-of-the-mill resume.

After this, you’ll want to make sure that you’re showing enthusiasm for the position you’re interviewing for. Don’t jump on the couch in the lobby like you’re Tom Cruise on Oprah, but definitely portray that you’re excited and up for the challenge.

Lastly, make a good impression by being impressive. Be professional and in control of your body language. Put yourself in the mindset of whatever position you’re interviewing for and show them that you have what it takes.

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Opinion Editorials

The benefits of remote work are just too good to overlook

(EDITORIAL) Employees scream it from the rooftops and businesses don’t want to admit it: Remote work is just too beneficial to pass up- and here’s why.

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Work from home written with scrabble letters.

Remote work has been rising in popularity in the past several years. Especially following the COVID-19 global pandemic, more companies saw significant benefits for both their business and their staff that went beyond the realm of finances by allowing remote labor.

Less happily, many people lost their job during the pandemic, but they ended up having more time to put toward their passions or were compelled to get creative with their remote business ideas to ensure a consistent stream of income.

If you remain on the fence about allowing your employees to work remotely, or are considering a career shift yourself, take a look at the top four benefits of working remotely, which may sway your decision.

Better Overall Quality of Life

Allowing your employees to work remotely doesn’t necessarily mean they work from home full time. There are benefits to having your employees work in an office part of the time – say, two or three days – and working from home, in more familiar surroundings, the rest of the week.

In this way, your workers enjoy some freedom and independence while retaining the ability to interact face-to-face with their peers. That provides human interaction, which can play a substantial role in terms of improved mental health for your staff.

Happy employees means healthier employees, which can save your outfit money in the form of healthcare costs and lost productivity. But we will get further into the cost-saving benefits a little further on.

If you’re a remote worker, you should see yourself becoming significantly more productive. But why would this be the case if you don’t have a manager over your shoulder watching your every move?

It’s true that when employees have a greater sense of independence, they also experience a significant sense of trust on the part of their employers and managers. This is one of the huge benefits of working remotely because it has a trickle-down effect on the quality and overall production of people’s work.

Can Work Anywhere with Internet

Whether you are a small business owner or have crafted your work to tailor toward a life of remote labor, this is an opportunity for someone who has dreamed of being a digital nomad. You have the ability to work anywhere in the world as long as you have access to the Internet. If you love to travel, this is a chance to spend time in various places around the globe while continuing to meet your deadlines.

Multi-member Zoom call on a Apple Mac laptop with a blue mug of black coffee next to it.

Set Your Own Hours

In some cases with remote businesses, you have the freedom to set your own hours. Content writers, for instance, tend to enjoy more flexibility with regard to when they work because a lot of what they produce is project-based rather than tied to a nine-to-five schedule.

When you’re a business owner, this can be incredibly useful when you outsource tasks to save money. You can find a higher quality of performance by searching for contractors anywhere in the world and it doesn’t limit you to workers who live near to your office.

Saves Everyone Time and Money

 In the end, remote work typically saves money for every person and entity involved. Businesses save costs in terms of not having to pay for a physical space, utilities, Internet, and other expenses. This allows you, as the owner, to spend more of your income on providing quality software and benefits for your employees so your operation runs more smoothly and efficiently.

According to FlexJobs, employees or remote business owners may save around $4,000 on average every year for expenses such as car maintenance, transportation, professional clothing in the office, or even money spent dining out for lunch with coworkers. Eventually, the costs add up, which means extra money in your pocket to take that much-needed vacation or save up for a down payment on your first home.

These benefits of working remotely only skim the surface. There are also sustainability factors such as removing cars from the roads and streets, because people don’t have to travel to and from an office; or employees missing fewer workdays since they have the ability and freedom to clock in from home.

Weigh the pros and cons as to whether remote work is right for you as a business owner or online professional. You might be surprised to find that working from home for more than the duration of the pandemic is worthwhile and could have long-lasting benefits.

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