More Poopers, uh “Bloopers”

Back By Popular Demand: More Agent

Bloopers You’ll Love!

Here’s the list of this week’s best bloopers, which will surely make you all go running to your Spell Czech…uh, I  mean Check:

You’ll get a great feel when you enter. (Can I get that address again?)

Need one moth to close escrow (Moth must produce tiny moth license.)

Home of the famous Rose Bowel Parade (They must think their s__t doesn’t stink!)

Enjoy the fragrance of the Cherry Bottoms (Cherry or not, I’ll pass thank you!)

High volted ceilings (For added spark, no doubt.)

Enjoy the sparkling Poo in the back yard (Only if we can smoke the grass afterward.)

Agent will work on the sellers regardless of their price. (You should get a bonus for that, girlfriend!)

New Breakfast Bra with extra storage  (How uplifting!)

Big Built-in Panty (In case the price scares your bloomers off)

Bonus toom – great for children. (Thank you, Joan Crawford.)

Agricultural tutor (At least it wasn’t a “tooter.”)

Arked doors (Can I get a break on flood insurance?)

Trial Floors (I’ll be the judge of that!)

Fully Equipped Jim (Wow – Is Jim single?)

Handicapped rump in back (I’m restraining myself here.)

Everything is hand rubbed (Is this the same place where you can get a great feel? …And is Jim involved?)

Some Great Selling Points: 

Coved ceilings & dark mold throughout (Try penicillin)

Fish in the nearby fouling river. (Third World Fish and Game Preserve for Sale?)

Kitchen nooke is not permitted (Darn! Call me anyway, Jim.)

“Nice split level located in cuddle-sac” (Don’t tell me about your cuddle-sac, tell Jim.)

Ski Resort and Slop nearby. (From the highs to the lows)

Wool burning fireplace (Did a shepherd live there?)

New crapet throughout (Apparently the shepherd DID live there!)

Naughty pine floors (Acting out due to “crapet” overload, I’m sure.)

Hardwool floors – (Someone needs to sell that shepherd a stable!)

Beautiful new sherry cabinets (For serious drinkers only.)

Pool Table Included – Husband doesn’t know yet. (Balls in side pocket?)

Stuffed heads in library available for purchase. ( How ‘bout the stuffed shirt on the couch?)

Frigideer  (Maybe “Fully Equipped Jim” can solve Deer’s problem.)

Seller notes some irregularity. (Too much information, thank you.)

Call your neighborhood realator. (Then call your Docator.)

Thank you for your patients. (Realtor by day, docator by night?)

Lowballs ignored. (That could be a serious problem – is there a docator in the house?)

Heated seller. (Agitated by lowballs I’ll bet.)

So close to freeway you can see it. (Life in the Fast lane.)

24 Hour Back Doorman ( I won’t even touch this!)

Puding Green (Puh-leeze – I can’t go there either!)

New sprinkles in back yard. (Will someone please wrangle those *!@*&^! sheep?)

Trampoline and fool not included. (Need I say more?)

Thankless Water Heater (Oy Vey! Listed by a Jewish grandmother it seems.)

And My Three Faves:

Seller will pay to Dislocate Tenant (An alternative to eviction – popular in Newark.)

Wine and Hors Ovries Served at Twilight (Booze with a hysterectomy chaser.)

House has Extra Porking space behind studio. ( Yay – Now I know where Jim lives!)

Thanks to Sotheby’s International Realty and all those eagle eyed readers who contributed. (Please accept my apologies, but there were too many to list individually.) And special thanks to the L.A.Times, The Mountain News,  and The MLS.com for unwittingly contributing to the fun. For more funny posts, check out Sherlock of Homes.com.