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Opinion Editorials

More Poopers, uh “Bloopers”

Back By Popular Demand: More Agent

Bloopers You’ll Love!

Here’s the list of this week’s best bloopers, which will surely make you all go running to your Spell Czech…uh, I  mean Check:

You’ll get a great feel when you enter. (Can I get that address again?)

Need one moth to close escrow (Moth must produce tiny moth license.)

Home of the famous Rose Bowel Parade (They must think their s__t doesn’t stink!)

Enjoy the fragrance of the Cherry Bottoms (Cherry or not, I’ll pass thank you!)

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High volted ceilings (For added spark, no doubt.)

Enjoy the sparkling Poo in the back yard (Only if we can smoke the grass afterward.)

Agent will work on the sellers regardless of their price. (You should get a bonus for that, girlfriend!)

New Breakfast Bra with extra storage  (How uplifting!)

Big Built-in Panty (In case the price scares your bloomers off)

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Bonus toom – great for children. (Thank you, Joan Crawford.)

Agricultural tutor (At least it wasn’t a “tooter.”)

Arked doors (Can I get a break on flood insurance?)

Trial Floors (I’ll be the judge of that!)

Fully Equipped Jim (Wow – Is Jim single?)

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Handicapped rump in back (I’m restraining myself here.)

Everything is hand rubbed (Is this the same place where you can get a great feel? …And is Jim involved?)

Some Great Selling Points: 

Coved ceilings & dark mold throughout (Try penicillin)

Fish in the nearby fouling river. (Third World Fish and Game Preserve for Sale?)

Kitchen nooke is not permitted (Darn! Call me anyway, Jim.)

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“Nice split level located in cuddle-sac” (Don’t tell me about your cuddle-sac, tell Jim.)

Ski Resort and Slop nearby. (From the highs to the lows)

Wool burning fireplace (Did a shepherd live there?)

New crapet throughout (Apparently the shepherd DID live there!)

Naughty pine floors (Acting out due to “crapet” overload, I’m sure.)

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Hardwool floors – (Someone needs to sell that shepherd a stable!)

Beautiful new sherry cabinets (For serious drinkers only.)

Pool Table Included – Husband doesn’t know yet. (Balls in side pocket?)

Stuffed heads in library available for purchase. ( How ‘bout the stuffed shirt on the couch?)

Frigideer  (Maybe “Fully Equipped Jim” can solve Deer’s problem.)

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Seller notes some irregularity. (Too much information, thank you.)

Call your neighborhood realator. (Then call your Docator.)

Thank you for your patients. (Realtor by day, docator by night?)

Lowballs ignored. (That could be a serious problem – is there a docator in the house?)

Heated seller. (Agitated by lowballs I’ll bet.)

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So close to freeway you can see it. (Life in the Fast lane.)

24 Hour Back Doorman ( I won’t even touch this!)

Puding Green (Puh-leeze – I can’t go there either!)

New sprinkles in back yard. (Will someone please wrangle those *!@*&^! sheep?)

Trampoline and fool not included. (Need I say more?)

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Thankless Water Heater (Oy Vey! Listed by a Jewish grandmother it seems.)

And My Three Faves:

Seller will pay to Dislocate Tenant (An alternative to eviction – popular in Newark.)

Wine and Hors Ovries Served at Twilight (Booze with a hysterectomy chaser.)

House has Extra Porking space behind studio. ( Yay – Now I know where Jim lives!)

Thanks to Sotheby’s International Realty and all those eagle eyed readers who contributed. (Please accept my apologies, but there were too many to list individually.) And special thanks to the L.A.Times, The Mountain News,  and The for unwittingly contributing to the fun. For more funny posts, check out Sherlock of

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Michelle DeRepentigny

    April 24, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    Just because of you, I check my MLS comments on my listings every week 🙂

    Now I just need to talk someone else in to proofreading after I do, I never want to be featured in your post!

  2. Ken Brand

    April 24, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    MLS Bloobers or Blog boobsers, the bane of too fast fingers and a lighting fast “submit” stroke.

    Bunny stuff.


  3. Brandie Young

    April 24, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    LOL funny. BTW – do let us know when you find Jim!

  4. Ken Montville - The MD Suburbs of DC

    April 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    OMG. I’m laughing so hard my eyes are watering. Stop it! I can’t take it anymore. 🙂

  5. Gwen Banta

    April 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Thanks so much for your comments. I laugh each time I discover one of these beauties. A friend just called me to tell me he read an ad this week that announced a “hug price reduction” ( I guess some folks charge for a bit of affection);and another that said, “Don’t enter fenced yard – bull in back.” I can only assume it was a “pit bull,” but one never knows… I am guilty of making mistakes like that myself. I once typed “club foot tub!”

  6. Missy Caulk

    April 24, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    This is so funny…comic relief for me on Friday night. Keep um coming….

  7. Gwen Banta

    April 25, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then we need to get out of the business!

  8. Joshua Dorkin @

    April 25, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    Great list . . . it is just sad that this type of stuff makes it out there. Thanks for the laugh!

  9. Gwen Banta

    April 25, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    I agree, Joshua. Of course we need to remember that for a lot of people, English is a second language, and even Spell Check does not pick up everything. But perhaps a bit of proof reading would eliminate a few goofs…but then we couldn’t have nearly as much fun!

  10. Joshua Dorkin @

    April 25, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    Gwen – For many, English is certainly a second language, but sadly, we’re also witnessing the rapid decline of the English language as the education system breaks down and as websites like Twitter force a transition from proper use of words to shorter slang.

    That’s just my $0.02

  11. Gwen Banta

    April 25, 2009 at 10:18 pm

    10-4 on slang, im sure FittyCent would roger your 2cents cuz nothin makes sense anymo.

  12. Ken Brand

    April 26, 2009 at 6:51 am

    Gwen/Joshua – “word”

  13. Joshua Dorkin @

    April 26, 2009 at 8:11 am

    @ken @Gwen – Thx 4 d cmnts, yo! lol

  14. Lisa Sanderson

    April 27, 2009 at 8:41 am

    Too funny. My eyes are watering too. Forwarding to many real estate peeps right now!

  15. Paula Henry

    April 29, 2009 at 5:17 am

    Gwen – Funny, but sad you actually found this in print. I wonder if clients actually look at their listing online?

  16. Shannon Ware

    May 2, 2009 at 2:33 am

    One of my residential favorites from my MLS:

    “Garage comes complete with wench for engine removal” (her name is Brunhilde?)

  17. Matt Stigliano

    May 3, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Gwen – I’m behind on my reading and I just got to this one. I can barely type because I’m still chuckling at this one:

    Call your neighborhood realator. (Then call your Docator.)

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