Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?

The American GeniusThe American Genius


My New Year’s Resolutions

Last year Mariana and I – holy tomato.  It’s been a year – had a great time with New Year’s resolutions.  Because I’m so particular (read anal) about being orderly and symmetrical, my list must be sequential.  So without further ado…

1.    I will return calls when I get around to it.
2.    I will leave a message while driving with the radio on and the windows down.
3.    I will speak like John Moschitta on crack, without leaving my name or phone number.
4.    First thing I’ll do after leaving that message is get on another call.
5.    I will send out as much listing spam as possible.
6.    I’ll only fill in the MLS info that I felt like remembering at the time.
7.    If I’m late, you’ll get over it.
8.    Once I get the keys out of the lock box, I’ll put them in my purse and leave them there.
9.    I won’t call the listing agent to tell them what my clients thought, even if they call and ask.
10.  I will make all my listings appointment only, pick up the key at my office – you know, the one that closes at 5 pm.
11.  I’m sure I’ll remember at some point before close to change the status to pending.
12.  And finally, the only time you’ll thank me is at close simply because you’ll be so glad to be rid of me.

Oh, wait. You don’t like those resolutions? Then don’t pull that crap on me.

photo credit

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.
Written By

As a lifelong resident and local Realtor, Vicki has established herself as a respected member of the San Mateo County real estate community. She’s known for her wit, sarcasm, and her personality that shows through in her posts. You can find her spouting off at Twitter, here at ag, and her personal blog, San Mateo Real Estate



  1. Paula Henry

    December 15, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    Great List Vicki!

    #6. – We could just make up things to put in the MLS!

    I resolve to make no New Years Resolutions!

  2. Vance Shutes

    December 15, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    You had me going for the first few, and then I caught on. Illustrating absurdity by being absurd. Awesome!

  3. Ken Brand

    December 15, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    I resolve to get ready to get ready, to get ready, to get ready to get ready, to get ready, to get ready, to get ready, to get ready, to get ready, to get ready, to get ready….aim, aim, aim, aim, aim…etc.

    No kidding?

  4. Vicki Moore

    December 16, 2008 at 10:47 am

    Paula – Oh ca’mon. You must have at least one?!

    Vance – Maybe I should get into the bridge selling business. Can’t help it – I just think I’m funny. Glad you enjoyed it.

    Ken – Let’s get ready to get ready.

  5. Lani Rosales

    December 16, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    Fine, here are some of my smartassy resolutions:

    (note to readers, I’m not a Realtor)

    1. I resolve to be overly persistent and after your not returning my call or email, I will then move on to persisting with your assistant.
    2. I will sleep more than 3 hours nightly.
    3. I will never say something is “awesome” if it’s only “okay.”
    4. I will try not to double dip at parties and keep it strictly to my own home and spread my cooties to Benn only.
    5. I will attempt to keep my purse weighting under the recommended 10% of my body weight.
    6. I won’t call my pets or children by the other pets or childrens’ names.
    7. I will remember to give Benn his fancy pen back after I steal it (heard from across the room “where’s my Mont Blanc?”).
    8. My last resolution is that I will never write more than 7 resolutions in one sitting. Oh, crap- resolution fail.

  6. Tina Merritt

    December 16, 2008 at 6:14 pm


    1. i will type all my emails using text messaging abbreviations, extensively using WTF.

    2. i will photograph all my own listings without using a flash, making sure the toilet seats are up, dirty clothes are on the floor and dishes are in the sinks.

    3. i will be sure to only leave a key to the back door in my lockboxes, not the front door. oh – and to get to the back door you have to scale a fence as it will be locked.

    4. i will attached my lockboxes to water spigots, gas meters and deck rails that are in obscure, hard to find places preferably behind the trash cans and a few large bushes.

    5. when you call to make an appt. to show one of my listings, i’ll tell you i am busy and you have to call back later. when you call back later, you will get my voice mail. i won’t return voice mails.

    6. i’ll put a cbs (call b4 showing) code on all of my lockboxes, but when you call me, won’t know what the code is.

    7. my listings will only have 1 photo in mls; that way buyers have to call me to find out anything else about the property. when they call me, they’ll get my voice mail. i won’t return voice mails.

  7. Vicki Moore

    December 16, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    Lani – Keep your cooties to yourself.

    Tina – You are too funny! I haven’t laughed that much all day. Thanks a bunch.

  8. The Harriman Team

    December 16, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    I was laughing hysterically for most of your list, right up until I realized that, hey, I know an agent or two who actually LIVE by these resolutions! They’ve become their signatures, like Bond’s shaken martinis or Indiana Jones’s fedora. And no amount of persuasion or subtle hints will change anything. Life goes on. Oh, the humanity…

  9. Vicki Moore

    December 16, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    Now, Wayne, why be subtle?

  10. Matthew Rathbun

    December 16, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    OMG I could be here all night with smart-alec comments…

    1. I will resolve to put a low security combo box on listings, because I’m too poor to buy a real lockbox.

    2. Once putting on the combo box, I will leave the combo in the public narrative of MLS and on my voicemail, so that any knucklehead can get in the listing and hide in the dark basement to jump the unsuspecting agent.

    3. I’ll wait to six days before my license expires to find the 30 hours of CE I need to renew.

    4. I’ll be sure to pocket listings and specifically market buyers who could care less about good representation and allow me to represent both buyer and seller.

    5. Reading? Nah, why read about real estate once you have your license? I’ll resolve to base my career on the limited information I received in Pre-Licensing 10 years ago.

    6. I’ll resolve to talk to customers less, so that I can spend more time sending e-mail spam and automated listing information and believe it to be a solid agency relationship.

    7. I’ll resolve to be more hateful to other agents and then act surprised when they don’t respond to me well, when I submit offers…

    and…. on and on and on…

    oh, that was fun!

  11. Matt Stigliano

    December 16, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    I feel like if I don’t chime in, these things I may wind up working with some of you “awesome” (for Lani) agents and I would never want to work with anyone who’s “awesome.”

    I, Matt Stigliano aka rerockstar, resolve the following:

    1. I will leave real estate because I’m scared.

    2. I will continue to practice real estate without a SupraKey or access to the MLS (who needs that garbage anyway, I can get you to do it).

    3. I will confirm your appointment to view my rental, will leave for lunch, and when you leave me messages stating that the lockbox combo isn’t working, I will call you back (finally) to tell you that I’ve confirmed it with the office and it is indeed correct. Three hours later, when I expect you to still be standing outside the rental, I will let you know that you were right and give you the updated combo.

    4. If you do bring me a rental application, I will confirm you are the only application and take your app and checks. I will call you four days later to tell you someone else made it in before you, despite the fact that you followed our receptionist into the office and we don’t take faxed applications.

    5. When confronted by a question or situation I don’t have enough knowledge to answer or take of confidently, I will not go to my broker and ask him questions. He doesn’t have enough time for me and I’d rather “figure it out myself.”

    6. I will only write for points, comments, rewards, and favors.

    7. When I hire a professional photographer, I will not expect professional photos.

    8. I will never experiment with technology. Ever.

    9. I will run a brokerage who’s phone number is my cell. When you call me, you will get voice mail and I don’t return calls, despite the fact that my agents won’t either. I am not responsible for their actions in any way.

    10. I will stop commenting on any and all blogs. Immediately.

  12. Missy Caulk

    December 16, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    Ok here we go:

    1) I will fire my team and go back to being a solo agent because I love to work 24/7.

    2) I will go back to mailing snail mail just listed and just sold cards.

    3) I will stop all lead generation asap because we can’t call them leads and PPC doesn’t work.

    4) I will attend every convention in the U.S. because I need to be more social.

    5) I will blog only once a week.

    6) I will not require people to get pre-approved before we go look at houses.

    7) I will talk about how bad the market is at the water cooler 30 minutes each day.

    8) I will call back all showing requests within 24 hours, (Or not)

    9) I will spend $ like there is no tomorrow on every thing offered to me.

    10) I will reply to every email that someone wants to put millions in my bank acount to help them invest in my country.

  13. Matt Stigliano

    December 17, 2008 at 8:52 am

    Dear Missy,

    I am a wealthy investor in San Antonio with close to a billion dollars to invest ($999,999,9992.50 to be exact). I have a need for Ann Arbor real estate, but I only like to work in cash (I have never used checks). Because of this I am looking for an agent in your area who would be willing to accept a large wire transfer to their account, so that I may fly up there and purchase some real estate (I do not want to fly with that much money on me). If you’d be willing to help, I’d be willing to (as a gesture of good will) furnish you with $50 million as a way for us both to invest heavily in your market and dominate your local area as the strongest players in the investment game. If you would like to participate I need only your bank details to facilitate the transfer and I will meet you there in one week. See you soon.

    Matt “I swear I’m not going to scam you” Stigliano

  14. teresa boardman

    December 17, 2008 at 10:12 am

    I resolve to stop my car before I let my buyers out after I tell them they have to buy the house or get out.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


American Genius
news neatly in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list for news sent straight to your email inbox.




The American Genius is a strong news voice in the entrepreneur and tech world, offering meaningful, concise insight into emerging technologies, the digital economy, best practices, and a shifting business culture. We refuse to publish fluff, and our readers rely on us for inspiring action. Copyright © 2005-2022, The American Genius, LLC.