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“Oops – Maybe I Should Have Mentioned That!”

tea with cannabis

A Swarm of Chickens

I heard a funny story from a colleague the other day. He said he was setting up an open house and was ready to open when he remembered to turn on the basement light. To his shock, he glanced down the stairs and was greeted by a “swarm” of chickens! According to him, there were so many chickens that they were climbing on top of each other and vying for dominance like a pack of steroidal World Wrestlers. He immediately called the seller, who explained that there had been a fire on his brother’s ranch in Ojai, so they had moved the chickens to the basement the previous evening. “I guess I should have mentioned that before you arrived” the seller mumbled. He then added sheepishly, “Maybe you shouldn’t look in the back yard.”

Oops Moments

It occurred to me that I had experienced a few “Oops Moments” myself, and when I asked around the office, I heard some great tales. Here are a few things the client SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED…but didn’t until it was too late:

“Did you see my son’s snake – it’s gone.” (No, but I saw an agent running North on the freeway in her high heels.)

“Did you notice the mushroom growing at the base of the toilet?” (Yeah – I had to put a glass over it and call it a terrarium.)

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“I should have mentioned that the back step is loose.” (Tell that to Mrs. Hinkle’s hip, which is now lodged in her diaphragm.)

“Did you see those strange plants my son is growing behind the garage?” (Uh-oh – did you see how many open house visitors wanted your home-grown “mint” in their iced tea?)

“Oops, I meant to tell you not to show the house before 8:00 am because my neighbor waters his garden in his boxers.” (Oops – the incessant butt scratching was a real treat, too.)

Unconscious at the Wheel

“Oh that – well my husband got drunk last night and drove through the garage wall.” (Has it occurred to you that he’s still in the car?)

“Sorry – I accidentally left the door to the dog cage unlocked.” (Sorry, I accidentally left your house unlocked and wrote “Free Stuff” on your front door.)

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“Did I mention we got a new alarm?” (No…did I mention that the EMT guy was cute but those paddles on my chest were no picnic?)

“I didn’t tell you about the mold I painted over because I didn’t want to worry you.” (And I didn’t tell you about my cousin Sal “Crunch” Angelino because I didn’t want to worry you.)

“Didn’t I tell you it was broken?” (That’s the same question the EMT asked poor Mrs. Hinkle.)

“I forgot to warn you my mother would be there – I know she’s VERY critical.”  (Did you also know she LOVES iced tea with lots of your home-grown “mint”?)

I guess I should have told you the toilet has been overflowing. (And I guess I should have told you I was serving La Salsa burritos at the Open House…)

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“Oh, maybe I should have hidden the collection of porno in the shed…” (Nah – your butt-scratching neighbor is out there in a lawn chair “reading the articles” to your stoned mother!)

Go Forth and Survive!

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joe Loomer

    July 24, 2009 at 9:13 am

    Another zinger Gwen! I actually experienced the “new” alarm issue myself just yesterday. Good thing my client is an Army Nurse!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Lani Rosales

    July 24, 2009 at 9:32 am

    La Salsa burritos… OMG I’m dyin’ here laughing!!!!!! These are hilarious, Gwen!!!

    Sidenote: tell your cousin to call me, I have some work for him 😉

  3. tomferry

    July 24, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    Chickens huh!!! Wow. I have heard it all … at least ’till next week, that is.

  4. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    Truth is not only stranger than fiction, Joe – it appears to be more life threatening. Some of those alarms can make your heart stop…and if that doesn’t get you, the cops will show up and beat you senseless. Of course, I live in L.A…. 🙂

  5. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    My cousin is on his way to your house in his Caddy, Lani. You’ll recognize him from the scar on his cheek, the shiny suit, and the buldge in his pants. (Uh, perhaps I should have said, “in the WAIST of his pants.”…)

  6. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Tom, I guess it could have been worse, such as flamingos, which STINK, or snakes. Can you imagine how pleasant the house smelled after a day or two? Of course, if the seller didn’t sell his house, he could always sell the eggs…

  7. tomferry

    July 24, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    Gwen … I like how you see the sunny side!

  8. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Thanks, Tom – it has something to do with Friday afternoon martinis 🙂

  9. Missy Caulk

    July 24, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    You sure lead an interesting life….cracking up here.

  10. Kim Curran

    July 24, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    I always enjoy your posts Gwen. Thanks for the laughs.

  11. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Thanks, Missy. You are the genius at thoughtful, meaningful posts – I’m the class clown – I record the bizarre. In fact, I AM bizarre. It’s all that sun we get here in L.A. – it bakes the brain!

  12. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    Hey – It’s my ol’ friend Kim! Happy Friday, Kim – I’m glad I could help you start it with a few chuckles. have a great weekend.

  13. Elaine Reese

    July 24, 2009 at 10:18 pm

    I really, really enjoy your posts. The alarm was the best! So funny because we’ve all been there.

    I can add one. During the home inspection, inspector, buyer and myself were in the basement. No notice that there would be a caged dog – a German Shepherd – in the basement. We were standing on one side of the furnace, talking for a couple minutes. Couldn’t see the dog cage. All of a sudden the dog decided to let out a blood-curdling bark-bark-bark. I think we all peed our pants just a little. LOL

  14. Gwen Banta

    July 24, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    Elaine, it’s stories like yours that give me credibility! I’m just the bookkeeper for all the insanity we agents have to deal with on a daily basis. Who says we don’t earn our commissions? Have a great weekend!

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