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Real Estate Rabble – Translators Needed!

I’m calling ITT Tech. It’s time they establish a course for translators for the MLS. Often the listings I see are so wacky I have to read them several times…yet sometimes they take on a life of their own.  It’s like listening to Dame Edna Everage – I scratch my head and wonder why the absurdity is actually starting to make sense to me! Am I crazy?  Don’t answer that, please – just enjoy the fun:

What Language Are You Speaking?

“Seller died. Truss sale.” (Just what we all need – used jock straps…)

“House has been Retro Flit” (House in West Hollywood, I presume.)

“Just pantsed lower area” (Did you fill in the “cracks”?)

“Nice lunch – arrive rearly!” (Uh, are we coming or going…and are we still in West Hollywood?)

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“Close in 30 days – big bogus!” (Overexposure on the Disclosure. )

“House w/ beautiful dessert views” (House overlooking the pie display at Marie Callender’s.)

Are You High?

“Twilit Open – wine plunch reception. (Apparently the plunch is already flowing…)

“Good solid re-built rancher with bonus” (Well hot damn – give him my number!)

“Come see this very apeeling home” (Are you selling a house or a banana?)

“Please use probing form” (What do I look like – a gynecologist?)

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“Guests have privates exit” (Hmmm – I think that’s called a zipper.)

Perhaps You Should Quit While You’re Ahead

“Hot new liesting” (Thank you, Speedy Gonzales.)

“Nice duplex with new sliding” – (Litigation location proclamation?)

“Buy before reduction and save money” (With that logic, you could work for the government.)

“Needs paint but is nice infernally” ( I’ll alert Dante.)

“Nice bungalow – must double upp.” (Deal ‘em pal – it’s Bungalow Blackjack!)

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Put Down Your Martini and Go Home

“Nice greenhouse w/ horniculture specimans” (Uh, I think that covers most the men in Los Angeles.)

(Thanks for all reader contributions to this week’s laugh fest!)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Melissa Zavala

    September 10, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Gwen: Your examples always make me laugh. But, seriously, agents really need to focus on the details (or hire a great assistant to do so) if they hope to have a large following and much future business. These types of errors do not demonstrate professionalism.

  2. Nadina Cole-Potter

    September 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Our MLS forms that are used to compile property details and write comments must be signed off by the clients. And I think our ZipForms have a spell check feature. (The reason I am tentative is that I am a commercial agent and we generally don’t use the AZ state forms). Evidently, the clients in Los Angeles don’t see similar forms or are as editing and proofreading challenged as the agents. That being said, the last time I input into the MLS, Zip Forms did not autopopulate into the MLS so the slip between a corrected form and keyboarding into the MLS might be ham-handedness. Don’t know if our MLS has a spell-check feature but Los Angeles certainly needs one. Although that would take away my weekly belly-laugh from Gwen’s postings.

  3. gwen banta

    September 10, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    It’s interesting, Nadina, that some agents do not know how to use spell check. That being said, please note that many of the errors are also from printed real estate ads, and from MLS programs in other states. My blog subscribers are from all over the U.S. and Canada, so I get many contributions from elsewhere. I am convinced that English as a second language is responsible for many of the bloopers, so I try not to be too critical. I am sure that during my career I have made a number of serious poopers. Uh, bloopers.

  4. Ken Brand

    September 10, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Usually, all I have to worry about when I’m reading your posts, is not to be drinking a glass a moo-juice. Then I don’t have to worry about milk shooting out of my nose when I laugh. But, today, you’ve gone too far, your photo choice is completely freaking me out.

    Cheers and thanks for the shudder.

  5. gwen banta

    September 10, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    That’s my Senior Photo, Ken!

    • Ken Brand

      September 10, 2010 at 2:49 pm

      Obviously, every high school boy is kicking themselves in the groin, now they know, they should have been patient. Some people are late bloomers, comparing your high school photo to now, you should submit your “then and now” photo to Websters. When people look up late bloomer, BAM! There you are. I suggest you never look back, bygones;-)

  6. gwen banta

    September 10, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Thank you , Ken, but I must disclose that my purple hair was a real turn-on to the boys. I am considering going back to that look from my Glory Daze. I should have been Prom Queen, don’t you think? I was dissed. Petty jealousies you know…

    • Ken Brand

      September 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm

      You can safely rock the purple hair look today, no worries. There’s no way you can recapture the 3Chins though. At your next reunion you’ll when the most “changed”, not as good as prom queen, but sweet victory never the less.

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