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The great un-sell – MLS whoppers!

Did you ever wonder how some houses get sold? Scott Friedman just posted a great article, “What Sells a Home and Why Most Agents Won’t Like This Article.”

I concur with everything he said…but he should have added something about listing remarks. After all, some of the comments listed below would frighten even the most courageous buyers.

So here you are: THE GREAT UN-SELL!

Houses From Malfunction Junction

“Big tard out back.” (A big tard wrote this.)

“Hug garage”  (A man must have written this.)

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“Souring ceilings” (New on market –  Miss Muffet’s house of curds.)

“Zoned for 2 swellings” (The Inflammation Proclamation.)

“Newly stained bedroom” (Newly married sellers.)

“Bi micro” (An appliance designed to please the wife and the hubby.)

“Furnace has new boils” (Source of Conflagration in the house of Inflammation)

Call 911!

“Seller admits to old & bad plumbing.” (Sadly, it happens to all of us…)

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“Seller got new wiring he thinks” (A Lobotomy dichotomy?)

“Seller needs to move.” (Seller ate at a road side cart in Tijuana.)

“Seller says house has new brainage” (Apparently agent has no brainage.)

“House vacant, call for eazy abcess”  (Pass the penicillin!)

“Must be linder approved” (Or what – there will be a truffle scuffle?)

Extras You Cannot Pass Up

“Builtin BBQ pot” (Smoke ‘em and toke ‘em)

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“Shiny ammonimum floors” (Shiny seller with peeing problem!)

“Bonus in first moth” (Presenting the world’s smallest bonus…)

“Stereo system with five tones” (No wonder Best Buys went out of business.)

“House with laundrey shoot” (I see dead people.)

And my favorite:

“FHA. Need FICO. Fast COE wanted. Use foot covers when interring. Re no carpet staining” (Listing DOA, Staining S.U.S.P.I.C.I.O.U.S….CSI wanted – F.A.S.T….no S.H._T.!)

Thanks to Matt Stigliano and Gary Little for their great contributions!

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joe Loomer

    May 15, 2010 at 8:32 am

    If we don’t roll out the R.C. ASAP for the VP we’ll all be on KP!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Maxwell McDaniel

    May 15, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Hilarious! I’ve seen so many misspellings in the MLS since I started in this business, it never ceases to amaze me. You should (or someone should) curate a list of MLS spelling errors. I wish I could remember all of them.

    One thing that did stand out was not a misspelling but disturbing. “Vacant, Go Show! Dog chained to post in backyard” WTH? Did they forget to take the dog when they moved?

  3. Joan

    February 27, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    Two of the best I’ve seen:

    1) A spiral staircase described as “a bent and twisted stairway”
    2) A fixer described (perhaps too accurately) as “a gross little dumper.”

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