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The MLS Comic Review – I’m Baaaack!



Bizarre sign

Well folks, we have started off the New Year with a bang…or is it a bong?  The MLS and the Real Estate ads are teeming with hilarious misspellings and bizarre descriptions. I suspect we will have a year full of delicious faux pas. (I suppose that would that be written as Fox Paws in MLS-speak.) Please enjoy:

Would You Buy This House?

“Kitchen with trash contractor” (For those who want to buy a dump…)

“Wine seller in basement” (Does anyone know he’s missing?)

“Must submit proof of funs” (How ‘bout a photo of me on a ferris wheel?)

“Status reneged daily” (Please s__t or get off the pot…)

“Dank hardwood floors thrugout” (Offered by Smelly McSpelly)

“Full frontal and back landscaping” (Calling Dr. Freud…)

“Gracias living space” (Ole’!)

“244 hr notice required – Hurry – will go fast!” (Frankly, I think it’s going nowhere.)

A Deal You Can’t Refuse

“Stunning hurse ranch” (We wrangle the dead)

“Canceled – seller says small gas problem” (It’s only small when you’re not on the receiving end, pal.)

“Master dick overlooks fountain” (OMG – even I won’t go there!)

“Tandem area – bedroom option” (How kinky-dink!)

“Large kitchen offers fever views” (Starve a fever, feed a cold.)

“You’ll be peasantly surprised” (So was Marie Antoinette…)

“Only beast materials used” (Note to self: “Call PETA and keep my dog close.)

“Two story turkey home” (That’s called a poultry farm, bozo…)

“Call for HO and assessment info” (Or just cruise down Hollywood Blvd….)

They Just Keep Coming…

“Beautiful day spa features: High beams in ladies’ lounge, …” (It must be cold in there.)

“The master is stroking” (I think the agent may have suffered a few strokes herself.)

“Step drown jacuzzi tub” (For a slow, luxurious death)

“Girll in oven” (Hansel, go fetch Gretyl before she’s toast.)

“Seller bankrufted.” (Must be a bank in New Jersey)

Kudos To Those With A Sense of Humor:

“Two mean dogs bite. Feel free to bite back.”

“Seller will look at all offers but he doesn’t see too well.”

“You won’t be disappointed unless there’s something wrong with you.”

And My favorite:

“Please don’t jump off high wall in back – the results aren’t good.”

In MLS-speak: Oddie Oats n Aste Lou Eggo!

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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  1. Joe Loomer

    January 16, 2010 at 6:49 am

    I’ve been waiting for this all week, Gwen! Had to (dangit) work yesterday and didn’t get to my play-time until this morning. Thanks for starting my day off laughing again!

    Saw this puppy in our MLS – “Peeking Room off Kitchen”

    your thoughts for this dyslexic agent’s comment?

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Gwen Banta

    January 16, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Maybe the agent meant Peeing Room, Joe – is that how you say “bathroom” in some rural areas of the country? …or Porking Room… 🙂 Have a good weekend!

  3. Ken Montville

    January 17, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Please tell me you make this stuff up. It’s just too funny. I can barely get through the entire post.

  4. Gwen Banta

    January 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    No Ken, I’m just the smart__s who adds the colorful commentary. I need to use my English degrees somewhere…because they’re useless when it comes time to pay the mortgage.

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Business Marketing

Use the ‘Blemish Effect’ to skyrocket your sales

(MARKETING) The Blemish Effect dictates that small, adjacent flaws in a product can make it that much more interesting—is perfection out?



blemish effect

Presenting a product or service in its most immaculate, polished state has been the strategy for virtually all organizations, and overselling items with known flaws is a practice as old as time. According to marketing researchers, however, this approach may not be the only way to achieve optimal results due to something known as the “Blemish Effect.”

The Blemish Effect isn’t quite the inverse of the perfectionist product pitch; rather, it builds on the theory that small problems with a product or service can actually throw into relief its good qualities. For example, a small scratch on the back of an otherwise pristine iPhone might draw one’s eye to the glossy finish, while an objectively perfect housing might not be appreciated in the same way.

The same goes for mildly bad press or a customer’s pros and cons list. If someone has absolutely no complaints or desires for whatever you’re marketing, the end result can look flat and lacking in nuance. Having the slightest bit of longing associated with an aspect (or lack thereof) of your business means that you have room to grow, which can be tantalizing for the eager consumer.

A Stanford study indicates that small doses of mildly negative information may actually strengthen a consumer’s positive impression of a product or service. Interesting.

Another beneficial aspect of the Blemish Effect is that it helps consumers focus their negativity. “Too good to be true” often means exactly that, and we’re eager to criticize where possible. If your product or service has a noticeable flaw which doesn’t harm the item’s use, your audience might settle for lamenting the minor flaw and favoring the rest of the product rather than looking for problems which don’t exist.

This concept also applies to expectation management. Absent an obvious blemish, it can be all to easy for consumers to envision your product or service on an unattainable level.

When they’re invariably disappointed that their unrealistic expectations weren’t fulfilled, your reputation might take a hit, or consumers might lose interest after the initial wave.

The takeaway is that consumers trust transparency, so in describing your offering, tossing in a negative boosts the perception that you’re being honest and transparent, so a graphic artist could note that while their skills are superior and their pricing reasonable, they take their time with intricate projects. The time expectation is a potentially negative aspect of their service, but expressing anything negative improves sales as it builds trust.

It should be noted that the Blemish Effect applies to minor impairments in cosmetic or adjacent qualities, not in the product or service itself. Delivering an item which is inherently flawed won’t make anyone happy.

In an age where less truly is more, the Blemish Effect stands to dictate a new wave of honesty in marketing.

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Business Marketing

Google Chrome will no longer allow premium extensions

(MARKETING) In banning extension payments through their own platform, Google addresses a compelling, if self-created, issue on Chrome.



Google Chrome open on a laptop on a organized desk.

Google has cracked down on various practices over the past couple of years, but their most recent target—the Google Chrome extensions store—has a few folks scratching their heads.
Over the span of the next few months, Google will phase out paid extensions completely, thus ending a bizarre and relatively negligible corner of internet economy.

This decision comes on the heels of a “temporary” ban on the publication of new premium extensions back in March. According to Engadget, all aspects of paid extension use—including free trials and in-app purchases—will be gone come February 2021.

To be clear, Google’s decision won’t prohibit extension developers from charging customers to use their products; instead, extension developers will be required to find alternative methods of requesting payment. We’ve seen this model work on a donation basis with extensions like AdBlock. But shifting to something similar on a comprehensive scale will be something else entirely.

Interestingly, Google’s angle appears to be in increasing user safety. The Verge reports that their initial suspension of paid extensions was put into place as a response to products that included “fraudulent transactions”, and Google’s subsequent responses since then have comprised more user-facing actions such as removing extensions published by different parties that accomplish replica tasks.

Review manipulation, use of hefty notifications as a part of an extension’s operation, and generally spammy techniques were also eyeballed by Google as problem points in their ongoing suspension leading up to the ban.

In banning extension payments through their own platform, Google addresses a compelling, if self-created, issue. The extension store was a relatively free market in a sense—something that, given the number of parameters being enforced as of now, is less true for the time being.

Similarly, one can only wonder about which avenues vendors will choose when seeking payment for their services in the future. It’s entirely possible that, after Google Chrome shuts down payments in February, the paid section of the extension market will crumble into oblivion, the side effects of which we can’t necessarily picture.

For now, it’s probably best to hold off on buying any premium extensions; after all, there’s at least a fighting chance that they’ll all be free come February—if we make it that far.

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Business Marketing

Bite-sized retail: Macy’s plans to move out of malls

(BUSINESS MARKETING) While Macy’s shares have recently climbed, the department store chain is making a change in regards to big retail shopping malls.



Macy's retail storefront, which may look different as they scale to smaller stores.

I was recently listening to a podcast on Barstool Sports, and was surprised to hear that their presenting sponsor was Macy’s. This struck me as odd considering the demographic for the show is women in their twenties to thirties, and Macy’s typically doesn’t cater to that crowd. Furthermore, department retail stores are becoming a bit antiquated as is.

The sponsorship made more sense once I learned that Macy’s is restructuring their operation, and now allowing their brand to go the way of the ghost. They feel that while malls will remain in operation, only the best (AKA the malls with the most foot traffic) will stand the test of changes in the shopping experience.

As we’ve seen a gigantic rise this year in online shopping, stores like Macy’s and JC Penney are working hard to keep themselves afloat. There is so much changing in brick and mortar retail that major shifts need to be made.

So, what is Macy’s proposing to do?

The upscale department store chain is going to be testing smaller stores in locations outside of major shopping malls. Bloomingdale’s stores will be doing the same. “We continue to believe that the best malls in the country will thrive,” CEO Jeff Gennette told CNBC analysts. “However, we also know that Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s have high potential [off]-mall and in smaller formats.”

While the pandemic assuredly plays a role in this, the need for change came even before the hit in March. Macy’s had announced in February their plans to close 125 stores in the next three years. This is in conjunction with Macy’s expansion of Macy’s Backstage, which offers more affordable options.

Gennette also stated that while those original plans are still in place, Macy’s has been closely monitoring the competition in the event that they need to adjust the store closure timeline. At the end of the second quarter, Macy’s had 771 stores, including Bloomingdale’s and Bluemercury.

Last week, Macy’s shares climbed 3 percent, after the retailer reported a more narrow loss than originally expected, along with stronger sales due to an uptick in their online business. So they’re already doing well in that regard. But will smaller stores be the change they need to survive?

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