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The MLS Comic Review – I’m Baaaack!

Bizarre sign

Well folks, we have started off the New Year with a bang…or is it a bong?  The MLS and the Real Estate ads are teeming with hilarious misspellings and bizarre descriptions. I suspect we will have a year full of delicious faux pas. (I suppose that would that be written as Fox Paws in MLS-speak.) Please enjoy:

Would You Buy This House?

“Kitchen with trash contractor” (For those who want to buy a dump…)

“Wine seller in basement” (Does anyone know he’s missing?)

“Must submit proof of funs” (How ‘bout a photo of me on a ferris wheel?)

“Status reneged daily” (Please s__t or get off the pot…)

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“Dank hardwood floors thrugout” (Offered by Smelly McSpelly)

“Full frontal and back landscaping” (Calling Dr. Freud…)

“Gracias living space” (Ole’!)

“244 hr notice required – Hurry – will go fast!” (Frankly, I think it’s going nowhere.)

A Deal You Can’t Refuse

“Stunning hurse ranch” (We wrangle the dead)

“Canceled – seller says small gas problem” (It’s only small when you’re not on the receiving end, pal.)

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“Master dick overlooks fountain” (OMG – even I won’t go there!)

“Tandem area – bedroom option” (How kinky-dink!)

“Large kitchen offers fever views” (Starve a fever, feed a cold.)

“You’ll be peasantly surprised” (So was Marie Antoinette…)

“Only beast materials used” (Note to self: “Call PETA and keep my dog close.)

“Two story turkey home” (That’s called a poultry farm, bozo…)

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“Call for HO and assessment info” (Or just cruise down Hollywood Blvd….)

They Just Keep Coming…

“Beautiful day spa features: High beams in ladies’ lounge, …” (It must be cold in there.)

“The master is stroking” (I think the agent may have suffered a few strokes herself.)

“Step drown jacuzzi tub” (For a slow, luxurious death)

“Girll in oven” (Hansel, go fetch Gretyl before she’s toast.)

“Seller bankrufted.” (Must be a bank in New Jersey)

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Kudos To Those With A Sense of Humor:

“Two mean dogs bite. Feel free to bite back.”

“Seller will look at all offers but he doesn’t see too well.”

“You won’t be disappointed unless there’s something wrong with you.”

And My favorite:

“Please don’t jump off high wall in back – the results aren’t good.”

In MLS-speak: Oddie Oats n Aste Lou Eggo!

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joe Loomer

    January 16, 2010 at 6:49 am

    I’ve been waiting for this all week, Gwen! Had to (dangit) work yesterday and didn’t get to my play-time until this morning. Thanks for starting my day off laughing again!

    Saw this puppy in our MLS – “Peeking Room off Kitchen”

    your thoughts for this dyslexic agent’s comment?

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Gwen Banta

    January 16, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Maybe the agent meant Peeing Room, Joe – is that how you say “bathroom” in some rural areas of the country? …or Porking Room… 🙂 Have a good weekend!

  3. Ken Montville

    January 17, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Please tell me you make this stuff up. It’s just too funny. I can barely get through the entire post.

  4. Gwen Banta

    January 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    No Ken, I’m just the smart__s who adds the colorful commentary. I need to use my English degrees somewhere…because they’re useless when it comes time to pay the mortgage.

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