People hate to get “ghosted” in any situation, personal or professional. But for job seekers who may already be struggling with self-esteem, it can be particularly devastating. Ghost Reply is a new online service that will help you compose and send an email nudge to the ghoster, sending a “kind reminder” telling them how unprofessional it is to leave someone hanging like that.
Ghost Reply wants to help you reach catharsis in all of this stressful mess of finding a job. Almost all of the problems and feelings are compounded by this confounded pandemic that has decimated areas of the workforce and taken jobs and threatened people’s financial security. It is understandable to want to lash out at those in power, and sending a Ghost Reply email to the recruiter or HR person may make you feel better in the short term.
In the long run, though, will it solve anything? Ghost Reply suggests it may make the HR person or recruiter reevaluate their hiring processes, indicating this type of email may help them see the error of their ways and start replying to all potential candidates. If it helps them reassess and be more considerate in the future and helps you find closure in the application/interview process, that would be the ideal outcome on all fronts. It is not likely this will happen, though.
The Ghost Reply sample email has the subject line “You have a message from a candidate!” Then it begins, “Hi, (name), You’re receiving this email because a past candidate feels like you ghosted them unfairly.” It then has a space for said candidate to add on any personal notes regarding the recruiter or process while remaining anonymous.
I get it. It’s upsetting to have someone disappear after you’ve spent time and energy applying, possibly even interviewing, only to hear nothing but crickets back from the recruiter or HR person you interacted with. It’s happened to me more than once, and it’s no bueno. We all want to be seen. We all want to be valued. Ghosting is hurtful. The frustration and disappointment, even anger, that you feel is certainly relatable. According to several sources, being ghosted after applying for a job is one of the top complaints from job seekers on the market today.
Will an anonymous, passive-aggressive email achieve your end? Will the chastened company representative suddenly have a lightbulb go off over their heads, creating a wave of change in company policy? I don’t see it. The first sentence of the sample email, in fact, is not going to be well received by HR.
When you start talking about what’s “unfair,” most HR people will tune out immediately. That kind of language in itself is unprofessional and is a red flag to many people. Once you work at a company and know its culture and have built relationships, then, maybe, just maybe, can you start talking about your work-related feelings. I believe in talking about our feelings, but rarely is a work scenario the best place to do so (I speak from experience). Calling it unprofessional is better, less about you and more about the other person’s behavior.
However, it’s unclear how productive Ghost Reply actually is. Or how anonymous, frankly. By process of deduction, the recipient of the email may be able to figure out who sent it, if it even makes it through the company’s spam filters. Even if they cannot pinpoint the exact person, it may cast doubts on several applicants or leave a bad taste in the recruiter’s mouth. It sounds like sour grapes, which is never a good thing.
There may be any number of reasons you didn’t get the job offer or interview, and they may or may not have something to do with you. Recruiters answer your burning questions, including why you may have been ghosted in this recent article in The American Genius.
Ultimately, you will never know why they ghosted you. If it makes you feel better or at least see the issue from both sides, the amount of job candidates ghosting recruiters after applying and even interviewing is equally high. Some people simply either have awful time management skills or awful manners, and at the end of the day, there’s not much you can do about that.
Focus on your own survival while job hunting, instead of these disappointing moments or the person who ghosts you. It will serve you better in the long run than some anonymous revenge email. There are other ways to deal with your frustration and anger when you do get ghosted, though. Try the classic punching your pillow. Try taking a walk around the block. If it helps to put your frustration into words, and it very well may, then do so. Write it on a piece of paper, then burn it. Or type it all in an email and delete it. For your own sake, do NOT put their email address in the “To” line, lest you accidentally hit “Send.”
The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can move on to finding a better job fit for you.
Joe Loomer
May 29, 2009 at 5:24 am
Gwen,
Thanks for ruining my monitor this morning – had to plug the spare in after shorting out the other with my coffee snort after reading this post!
Not as funny, but here’s couple I’ve experienced:
If the offer’s right, they’ll get rid of the cars (all 14 of the derelicts in the back yard – where are the owners?)
The homes shares a septic field with the next door neighbor (what the hell’s a septic FIELD?!?)
Navy Chief, Navy Pride
Ken Brand
May 29, 2009 at 7:13 am
Nice. What others say if funny. What you’re thinking in ( )s is beyond funny. Don’t you wish there was one day a week when it was perfectly acceptable to reply to “dumb ass” with equal or greater “smart ass smack”.
What fun that would be. I nominate your “pine cone/lemonade” retort #1.
rock on
Lani Rosales
May 29, 2009 at 12:42 pm
size of my butt… LOL!!!
Gwen Banta
May 29, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Your description made ME snort coffee, Joe – you are very funny!
Gwen Banta
May 29, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Yes, Ken – I am constantly replying with smart ass smack, but I usually have to keep it silent. My blog allows me to rant and rave with impunity. Incidently, the pine cone comment actually happened to me. The really hysterical thing was that the pool was surrounded by palm trees. I have no idea what the floater really was, but it wasn’t a pine cone, and it wasn’t a Baby Ruth!
Gwen Banta
May 29, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Hey Lani, My butt has always been a source of humor. I’m thinking of taking it on the road and working the club circuit. I’ll bill myself as Buns ‘o Fun. See you in Austin!
Joe Loomer
May 29, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I’ll be in Austin for MegaCamp at the end of August, Gwen.
I’ll bring my snorter, you bring those Buns o’ Fun. I may even explain what a “Shart” is….
I’m with Ken on the pine cone/lemonade vote as #1…..
Navy Chief, Navy Pride
Joe Loomer
May 29, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Good googley moogley – just read your 15 May entry, and proceeded to shart myself…..
This is now going to be required reading for the Agent Leadership Council at our Market Center.
Navy Chief, Navy oh what the hell, I’m still laughing too hard…..
Lani Rosales
May 29, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Gwen, I think you should tour at real estate conferences and just have bar shows after the expo closes and charge a cover, why not??? I’d totally go!!!
Can’t wait for you to visit us here in the awesomest city ever 🙂
Gwen Banta
May 29, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Yay – I’ll be looking for you in the audience, Joe and Lani. I can’t wait to see Austin. I’ll call my tour “Real Estate Road Kill, starring Buns ‘o Fun.” I’ll drag my weary, buzzard-pecked carcass up onto the stage and tell the world what we agents really have to go through to sell a house without losing the remaining morsels of our sanity. It may look easy, but Escrow Street is paved with broken Pradas, crumpled listing sheets, and smashed Blackberries adorned with tread marks. For my Road Kill Tour, my theme song will be TAPS. Maybe then the public will realize that we actually DO work for our money! (Of course, everyone in the audience must be pre-approved…I ain’t as dumb as I look.)
Joe Loomer
May 29, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Just call me buzzard 😉
Gwen Banta
May 29, 2009 at 3:06 pm
LOL!!!!!
Allison Crow Flanigin
May 29, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I’m so late in on this conversation…actually standing outside and laughing hysterically over what I’m hearing. I SO????
Allison Crow Flanigin
May 29, 2009 at 4:49 pm
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Allison Crow Flanigin
May 29, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Those were not my comments…. I was saying that I was SO in need of FUNNY REALTOR today…thanks for the laugh.
Allison.
Don’t know where the heck all the ?s came from.
Gwen Banta
May 29, 2009 at 7:45 pm
I’m really glad to hear from you, Allison. Actually, all the question marks are so very appropriate, even if unintended. They serve as punctuation commentary for those head scratching remarks I referred to in the post. I think it’s great that we can all laugh together at this wacky world we work in.
Lisa Foster
May 31, 2009 at 12:48 pm
In an add for a Russian River, CA area home “Never flooded above first floor!” Always loved that.
Matt Stigliano
May 31, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Gwen – Wait, did I hear real estate related comedy tour? Where do I get my ticket?
Gwen Banta
May 31, 2009 at 10:55 pm
That’s great, Lisa. I saw one recently that said, no washer/dryer, but hooker in garage.” This business is not for the faint of heart!
Gwen Banta
May 31, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Hi Matt – Tickets are free, but there’s a 10 drink minimum. I figure all agents deserve a night to get completely toasted. And because I love your posts so much, only YOU will receive a souvenir glass that says, “If I can survive the Road Kill Tour, I can survive any Escow – so bring it!”
Matt Stigliano
June 1, 2009 at 8:10 am
Gwen – You call that a minimum? Haha. I like the idea of my souvenir glass, beats one from the Hard Rock any day.
Paula Henry
June 2, 2009 at 7:08 am
Once you’re completed the tour, you should put it all in a book and use it for training new agents. If they laugh and have a sense of humor, they get to stay and have a wonderful career. Otherwise, they get the boot, cuz, they won’t make it anyway.
Another Classic!
Louise Scoggins
June 2, 2009 at 11:15 am
Very funny post!! I have had my share of laughs in the past 30 minutes cruising around AG. You guys are funny!!!
I get this one all the time (adding to the “Words we hear most often” category), “I’m already working with an agent but she’s out of town. Can you show me this house?”
Or,
“The last agent I spoke to said we could list it for (insert inflated unrealistic list price)”
Gwen Banta
June 2, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Thanks, Paula. I think laughter is the antidote to insanity!
Gwen Banta
June 2, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I’ve heard those same comments, Louise. My favorite was, “If the other agent said she can sell it for (inflated price), then why can’t you?” to which I silently responded, “I could…if you jack up this piece of c__p and put another house under it!”
Louise Scoggins
June 2, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I guess at this point we should all be glad we have a filter between what we think and what we actually say!! Lol
Gwen Banta
June 2, 2009 at 2:37 pm
You give me too much credit, Louise. I think my filter is due for replacement!
Gwen Banta
April 3, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Thanks, for the mention, Memphis!