Silly
10 Basic Tips to Drive in Miami
Here’s my lame attempt at humor for my local market. I wonder why some people take me so seriously. GEESH!!
One of the main complaints we hear from people relocating to Miami is that they can’t deal with Miami drivers so Rick and I came up with the perfect solution……If you can’t beat them, join them!
Here are some basics you’ll need to learn to be able to drive in Miami without loosing your mind. These should make the transition much easier and once you start practicing, you will feel right at home.
1. Never, under any circumstance, drive with both hands on the wheel. (Two hands on the wheel mean “weakness” and they will spot you a mile away).
2. Make sure you have a cell phone on one ear. (hands-free devices are for wimps)
3. Use the other hand to do either of the following: women can apply make-up or pluck eyebrows and men can shave or pick their nose.
4. Never, under any circumstance use your blinker (turn signal) – we like surprises here in Miami, just change lanes without notice and the other drivers will respond with friendly signs.
5. If you are on the highway and cars are passing you on the left, make sure you move over to the furthest left lane to slow traffic down……this should upset plenty of drivers, just smirk and wave if you dare.
6. Sign language not only is acceptable but it is expected, only keep in mind that some drivers do pack heat, you may find yourself chasing bullets.
7. Don’t ever turn right from the right lane, add excitement to your life – being in the wrong lane to turn is more acceptable.
8. Yellow light means PUNCH IT!! Slow down and you WILL cause an accident!
9. If you see a police car, don’t drive patiently behind them, speed up and pass them as quickly as you can while waving with the hand holding the cell phone.
10. If you ever get stopped by the police, don’t start making excuses. Miami police love the truth – just tell them to hurry up with the ticket, you have places to go and people to meet.
So stop complaining, be a little more assertive with your driving and soon enough you will not understand how you were able to drive anywhere else. Driving in Miami will feel like home.
I’m sure this will apply to many other cities as well – Stop whining won’t ya!!
Have you ever had a buyer that was so enthusiastic about their potential home that they have a list a mile long of requirements? The front door must face east, the windows must be Pella brand, the carpet must be cut pile berber, it must be within two lots of a fire hydrant, needs to have wooden rods in the closet, not metal and of course the exterior paint must be barn red.
You already know what home they need and will love based on their actual needs and you’re going to show them that house, but in the meantime you may end up feeling a bit like the character in this video that is just so funny, we can all relate to (whether about a buyer or otherwise):
Can you relate? Maybe in a former career or if you’re one of our readers that is a designer first and foremost?
This week I actually got hungry reading the MLS and the LA Times real estate ads. Check out these bloopers so you can see what’s currently on the menu. I must warn you, you may want to hit the sauce and trim the fat:
I’m In the Mood For Food
“This hame is well stocked.” (Thank you, Porky Pig.)
“Hear is the glolden egg!” (…Which apparently comes scrambled.)
“Counter w/ new pop and fresh” ( Fat little dough boy included.)
“This one has alla the gravy” (Said Carmella Soprano as she proudly served her baked ziti.)
“You’ll marble when you see this beauty” (Bummer. At least Lot’s wife got to be a condiment.)
“We hamdle REOs” (That’s one way to bring home the bacon.)
Ham Fingers…So The Pork Lingers
“Small pad w/ view of peer” (Why go home when you can sleep at the office?)
“This is not a TIC” (…said Jeff Goldblum’s hands.)
“This pad in the Hollywood Hills is phat.” (So is your head, Biggie Smalls.)
“Cabinets w/ polished mental inserts” (Listing w/ punch drunk mental idiot.)
“This is a Short Shale” (Say that five times really fast.)
Is It Happy hour Yet?
“Just done finished floored” (Bottle done, finished agent on floor.)
“Cork floors in bar aria” (Methinks the cork was popped several drinks ago.)
“Stunning hammerred doors” (Offered by stumbling hammered dufus.)
“This condonimiun has all the trimmins” (Sauced agent has the tremorrrrs.)
SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE – THE FINALE!
“Bask in the warm sin by the pool” (Yay – party at Charlie Sheen’s pad!)
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Robert D. Ashby
January 4, 2008 at 10:29 pm
You left out some good ones, but I guess you did want to leave it to 10. I do think you should have mentioned that red lights are only pink for the first 3-5 seconds and are optional if turning left without oncoming traffic.
Ines
January 4, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Robert…my list was getting really long, I had to end it somewhere but I LOVE the “pink light” concept….very Miami.
Mariana
January 5, 2008 at 11:47 am
Ines – WONDERFUL! I think you could speak for any major city. In my neck of the woods, construction is more of an issue than driver behavior, but when I drive to Denver … WHOLE different story!
Side note: Remember the Columbine HS shootings? They were in Littleton – a sub-area off of Denver. Derek worked right near then and was leaving to drive home right after all of that. The drivers on the road were more courteous than ever. He had never seen such polite and kind driving behavior in his life (or since). Sad to see that a tragedy makes people treat other people like people…
Ines
January 5, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Mariana – you’re alive!!! Where have you been my friend?
There are some funny ones that have been added to this list – eating full meals, honking constantly….definitely applies to major cities.
Tragedies do make people nicer….it shouldn’t be that way…..we should be nasty all the time, no matter what happens! ; )