1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And the last one…
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Funny video most real estate professionals can relate to
Have you ever had a buyer that was so enthusiastic about their potential home that they have a list a mile long of requirements? The front door must face east, the windows must be Pella brand, the carpet must be cut pile berber, it must be within two lots of a fire hydrant, needs to have wooden rods in the closet, not metal and of course the exterior paint must be barn red.
You already know what home they need and will love based on their actual needs and you’re going to show them that house, but in the meantime you may end up feeling a bit like the character in this video that is just so funny, we can all relate to (whether about a buyer or otherwise):
Can you relate? Maybe in a former career or if you’re one of our readers that is a designer first and foremost?
Funniest Realtor parody videos you’ll see all minute, guaranteed!
Who says the phenomenon of funny cat videos and stupid girl falling in a fountain while texting at the mall videos don’t spill over into the real estate world? We’ve highlighted three hilarious real estate videos below that are well worth the ten minutes to watch, even if you’re in the office and have to put headphones on.
Video 1: theagent.tv… the best part is at 2:29… MOVE!
Video 2: I Love You, Man… the best part is the whole clip. If you haven’t seen this horribly inappropriate movie, the lead character is a Realtor. He is awesome.
Video 3: Realtor loves his job. Or something… the best part is at 0:39. Is that the fireplace over there!?
Tell us in comments which video moment caught your eye!
A pig and a poke (The MLS “Menu”)
This week I actually got hungry reading the MLS and the LA Times real estate ads. Check out these bloopers so you can see what’s currently on the menu. I must warn you, you may want to hit the sauce and trim the fat:
I’m In the Mood For Food
“This hame is well stocked.” (Thank you, Porky Pig.)
“Hear is the glolden egg!” (…Which apparently comes scrambled.)
“Counter w/ new pop and fresh” ( Fat little dough boy included.)
“This one has alla the gravy” (Said Carmella Soprano as she proudly served her baked ziti.)
“You’ll marble when you see this beauty” (Bummer. At least Lot’s wife got to be a condiment.)
“We hamdle REOs” (That’s one way to bring home the bacon.)
Ham Fingers…So The Pork Lingers
“Small pad w/ view of peer” (Why go home when you can sleep at the office?)
“This is not a TIC” (…said Jeff Goldblum’s hands.)
“Cabinets w/ polished mental inserts” (Listing w/ punch drunk mental idiot.)
“This is a Short Shale” (Say that five times really fast.)
Is It Happy hour Yet?
“Just done finished floored” (Bottle done, finished agent on floor.)
“Cork floors in bar aria” (Methinks the cork was popped several drinks ago.)
“Stunning hammerred doors” (Offered by stumbling hammered dufus.)
“This condonimiun has all the trimmins” (Sauced agent has the tremorrrrs.)
SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE – THE FINALE!
“Bask in the warm sin by the pool” (Yay – party at Charlie Sheen’s pad!)
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