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“Submerge docs with FICOs” – Are you drowning your listings?

The world of real estate has gone mad. The MLS had so many bloopers this past week that I’m convinced the winter slump has set in and brains are hibernating. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles  and Fred Glick of Philadelphia for their great finds. Enjoy the fun, my friends:

You Snooze, You Lose

“Very delirious home” (…And it seems you’ve been drinking the Cool-Aid.)

“Trembled marble” (You’d tremble, too, if you were laid out on a slab.)

“Submerge docs with FICOs” (Newsflash: Most FICO’s already went down the crapper.)

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“Features tennis pools” (How desirable can wet balls really be?)

“Your buyers wash for this” (Well that explains the wet balls…)

Now You’re Snoring, Pal

“Deadline rewinder” (Let me guess – the ever-popular  Real Estate Groundhog’s Day?)

“Beverly Hills confound” (Uh, Paris Hilton’s driving skills?)

“Private rear” (Unless you’re Kim Kardashian…)

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“Lots of walking trials” (Methinks someone had a three-martini lunch.)

“You will like a log” (Is that what your mother said to your girlfriend?)

Say Goodnight, Gracie

“Reason to calibrate” (…which is what we told your doctor about your electroshock treatments.)

“Open on Sinday” (I don’t know where you’re from, pal, but every day is Sinday in Hollywood.)

“Walking distance to restaurants and freeways.” (…Said Al Cowling to OJ Simpson after the Bronco had been seized by LAPD.)

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“Well lit hardwood flooring”  (I bet those strobes really  piss off the neighbors.)

And the “If You Can’t Spin, Give In” Award Goes To:

[Price Tag: $602,000] “House has major foundation issues with mold. No warranties are giving….There are cracks in the foundation with 3 to 4 inches off the back of the house…The retaining wall has major issues with water running into the back of the house. Part of the house in not in liable (livable?) condition. Buyer to be aware of dog in backyard. Please be aware there is freeway noise… Their was additional structural damaged found after buyer inspection. The pool does not work or in operating condition. A lot of draining issues with leaking roof… The retaining wall is worse condition then expected.  

(Note to Agent:  I have heard better spin on Hell. I suggest you take a nap on the freeway and let the dog sell the house.)

That’s it for this week, folks – spell and sell!

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. The Rockceptionist

    February 22, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Is there anything funnier than Gwen's commentary? Methinks not.

  2. Jodie Carpine

    February 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Thank you! I was having a "beat my head against a brick wall" kind of day and you made me laugh!

  3. Frank Martinez

    February 24, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Funny. Very important to read what you write.

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