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Opinion Editorials

Vacant lad, and other empty MLS promises

There is nothing more gratifying than sifting through thousands of real estate listings and finding borderline offensive errors like these – they are always good for a laugh!

If selling houses is like selling dreams, then welcome to my nightmare. Check out these hilarious bloopers that may convince buyers NOT to buy a home:

Interpreter, Please?

“Iv covered walls” (It seems someone is trying to sell Cedars Sinai…)

“No night hors” (Try telling that to the gals working Hollywood Blvd.)

“Wall rocks in kitch” (Those crazy Italians must be selling Pompeii.)

“Wired for cabal” (Epitaph on the Saddams’ Headstone.)

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“Pls see tim change” (If Tim is cute, may I also take photos?)

Did You Pay For This Ad?

“Vacant lad” (Good for you – I highly endorse self-assessment.)

“A book runs through the backyard” (Hmmm, finally some writing that has legs…)

“WiFe included” (I suppose selling her is cheaper than divorce…)

“Has good resistance” (Whined the Wehrmacht pansies when ordered to invade Paris during WWII.)

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“Lots of widelife in area” (Welcome sign at Fran’s Fulminating-Fat Camp.)

Get Out of Sales

“Not open on Faters day” (Why, will everyone be chowing down at Fran’s?)

“Orange, tambourines” (Pssst – Sister Sunshine – the 2nd batch of brownies is ready.)

“Drawing for spat day” (Proudly offered by Phil Phlegm and the American Tobacco Chewers Association.)

Being Free Doesn’t Mean It’s Good

“Free appraisal of your hoe” (Under “Other Talents” on Elliott Spitzer’s resume.)

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That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: Spell Well And Sell!

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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