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“Priced to Cell” and other MLS dingalings



What a week – the fun never stops when it comes to MLS bloopers! Thanks to the always funny Matt Stigliano  of Texas and Philadelphia’s Fred Glick for their contributions. And thanks also to Anna Altic  for the strange real estate ad she spotted in Nashville. (I’m still trying to translate that one.) Check out these gaffs if you want to begin your New Year with a chuckle:

Not Even If You Ask Politely

“Please leave business car on counter” (I will if you leave your hot brother in my driveway.)

“You better hairy” (Said Robin Williams’ mom when she saw his back…)

“Entertainment room w/ large wet bra” (I’m not even going to ask…)

“Just what yo buyer long fo” (Thank you, Snoop Dogg.”)

“New construction Won’t last” (Finally – Truth in Advertising!)

Not Even If You Beg

“Drawing at Open for Burka Bag” (Honey, a burka is a bag – a body bag…and that’s as attractive as a turd hat!)

“Large floral dining for family needs” (Don’t the leaves get stuck in your teeth?)

“Be sure to chick locks” (How ’bout if I wrap ’em in pink angora?)

“Vivid pant colors” (Hello, Jack Nicklaus, your trousers have been located.)

“Con Perms provided” (I bet the inmates at San Quentin just love Curly Hair Day.)

You Can’t Even Give It Away!

“Priced to cell” (Apparently this is a mobile phone service for hookers.)

“No permits, but built to cod” (What is this – a house for Nemo?)

“Please remove shoes, wear boobies.” (The West Hollywood  nancy boys are gonna  love this!)

“Big shet out back” (He hit a detour on his way to Washington.)

There’s A Fool Born Every Minute:

“Doors stuck, kept slut” (Seen on  Eliot Spitzer’s  T shirt.)

Bonus Round:

And here’s another head-scratcher from Matt Stigliano:

“Dest Deal of the Year!!!…Beautiful Home with great curve appeal, large kitchen…walk-in paintry. Mesterbedroom downstairs…East commute” (I think they had Matt at “curve appeal.”)

Thanks to Anna Altic for the ad she spotted:  “Open House” …on vacant land…on Christmas Eve…two years from now. (Some people really had way too much fun in the sixties.)


visit Gwen at

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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  1. Fred Glick

    December 31, 2010 at 9:33 am

    How about this idea: In order to renew your real estate license you will have to show your MLS listings to an English teacher, show that you don’t have an AOL, Hotmail or Yahoo account, sign a pledge to never do dual agency, prove you know how to pre-qualify buyers BEFORE you take them out, show your smartphone, retake your driving test and ….well, how about your idea.

  2. Nanette Labastida

    December 31, 2010 at 9:55 am

    cracking up! I just found one that said “skip & hope away to downtown” i guess if you hope hard enough…

  3. Randy Pereira

    December 31, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Thanks for sharing… “entertainment room w/ large wet bra..” that’s a classic one.

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Business Marketing

“House has spark” – burning up the MLS with typos and other bloopers



The year is starting a march toward its natural ending, friends…and it seems a few real estate careers may be also. This week I found some real head-scratchers in local real estate ads and the MLS.  However, I get submissions from all over the U.S., so no one is safe from the eyes of  the Blooper Scooper. Check out these blunders:

Do You Smell Smoke?

“House has spark” (Apparently your real estate career isn’t the only thing going up in smoke.)

“Big pep area in kitchen” (Is that the cookie jar where Mommy Dearest stashes her uppers?) 

“Dull Viking ovens” (Methinks there’s something in the cookie jar that will perk up those dull Vikings.)

“Large greenhose in back” (Large, naked Jolly Green Giant in yard.)

“Mush added to this house” (Was that the overflow from between your ears?)

I Think I See Flames

“Beautifully remolded guest” (Another cosmetically-altered Barbie hits the Hollywood party circuit.)

“Enjoy a drink poolslide” ( Hell, if the pool is sliding, I’ll need a whole pint of Jack.)

“Each bedroom has own bedrooom” (Hello-o-o, Alice, how are things down there in the rabbit hole?)

“Separate pod to build GH” (That should please my pea-sized buyers.)

“Play room for the kiss” (Something tells me this is the back seat of a ’67 Chevy.)

Still Smoldering…

“Ideal for gusts” (That’s great…if you want to live in a wind sock.)

“Impaccably detailed” (Incredibly challenged)

“Stylish pewder room” (Try burning a match.)

“Stone pillars flake driveway” (Flakey agent got stoned in driveway.)

Nothing But Embers (This Week’s Fave):

“From a bygone error” (You have just written your own epitaph.)



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Business Marketing

“New bd pans inc” – Making a Splash on the MLS



I have two things to say this week: 1. When you drink, you can’t think. 2. When you drink you can’t- … uh, what was I saying? Oh, yes – the MLS.  It was so full of bloopers this week that I am led to conclude that happy hour started Monday and never stopped. Read these and tell me if it is any wonder I was driven to throw back a few martinis myself:

Booze ‘N’ Fools

“Free membership to gin inc” (It seems someone else beat us to it, Martini Mary.)

“Grab now use imagination” (That’s what Arnold said to his housekeeper.)

“House has new edition” (Agent lacks erudition.)

“Babblying broke runs in back” (Bumbling buffoon runs amuck.)

“Drop by for cocktail ho” (Oh, is the Sunset Strip for sale?)

Puff ‘N’ Stuff

“Near Sacramento airpot” (I believe his name is Jerry Brown.)

“Claw me for selling” (I’m too busy clawing my eyes out over your spelling.)

“Reduction on mid-century ner Holywod” (Another mid-sixties porn star is looking for work.)

“We can sake your home” (Can I get fried rice with my sake?)

Proof or Goof

“Nice streem” (Said Grandma to Grandpa after his diaper  exploded.)

“Nice for dog kids” (Uh, they’re called ‘puppies,” pal.)

“New bd pans included” (Thank you, Nurse Nancy – can you warm those first?)

“Good stable in neighborhood.” (Have you contacted Mary and Joseph?)

“Drawing for plasma” (Is this a blood-bank?)

And This Week’s Winner Is:

“Good school in areola” (Thanks for keeping me abreast of things.)


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My secret office organization tip – Sharpies and tape

If you’re still practicing to be OCD, here is a secret I don’t typically share with anyone, but I’m willing to share with you today…



Keeping organized

I used to be obsessed with the P-touch machine. I labeled everything. Drawers, shelves, folders, canisters, and anything that I could think of putting a label on.

But the label makers weren’t as pretty as my own handwriting and didn’t come in every color a Sharpie does, so I got the brilliant idea one day to write in light blue sharpie in my beautiful handwriting on clear tape, placed neatly on the shelves in the pantry. Visitors thought I had written on the cabinets, “what if you have to move things?” they asked. “It’s just tape, look!” I said as if I was performing a complicated magic trick.

Not just shelves!

It’s great to use this tip on files and folders so you can reuse them (especially if you have custom files or designer files), on drawers at the bottom of each section where pens and tape goes, and especially in the break room.

No more label maker, no more refill cartridges and no more mess, especially someone else’s mess! Trust me, this is an OCD person’s dream organizing tip!

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