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“The veews will blow youre mind” – MLS screw ups



Well, folks, I spent another week scanning the MLS and local ads while laughing my a__ off. This week’s bloopers include some very suspect offers. In fact, a few are downright threatening.  As so aptly stated by Bette Davis in All About Eve, “Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.”

Offers Guaranteed to Slay You

“Best thing sinced sliced beard” (Offered by Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street)

“Killea location – hurry!” (Yeah, right. Shall I bring my own body bag, Dexter?)

“Stunning Sunset Plaza Manson” (Uh, “manson”? Let me guess –  another “killea location”?)

“Clot in drain fixed” (Reported Tony “Two Fingers” Tartaglia after flushing Carlo “The Canary” down the toilet.

“Experienced Shoot Sale Agent” ( Tony Tartaglia’s Toady.)

“Custom splice rack” (Favorite amenity of Tony “Two Fingers” Tartaglia when the commode backs up.)

Now For A Trip Down Hollywood Highway 

Hollywd Hills– Pool, dec & spurts court” –  (Apparently the court is a wee one…)

“Really hot décor with many appointiments” (Pamela Anderson’s  house, no doubt)

“Great lift, mountain vus” (A home for Pamela’s ‘appointiments.’)

“Malibu – Nice bones, just waiting for a face lict” (Malibu’s premier Dog Dating Service.)

“Nice Laurel Canyon writers corrage” (I doubt it – everyone here in Laurel Canyon is incorragible.)

“Prime Bev Hills Real Eatse” (Dinner at Spago, anyone?) 

The View from Here 

“Step into a bygone error” (It seems you’ve already stepped in it, pal.)

“The veews will blow youre mind” (Mojito days, martini nights…)

“Can’t be dupecated” (No, but I know who can be duped…)

 “New caisson windows” (Well, that oughtta float your boat!) 

There’s a Place For Everyone…           

“Good for shingle family – Needs TLC”  (‘Nuf said.)

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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  1. Gwen Banta

    October 8, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Thanks for the shout out, friends!

  2. Paula Henry

    October 9, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Morticia – “Oh look darling, a splice rack.”
    Gomez – “Perfect!”

    I wonder what the public thinks when they read these?

  3. Gwen Banta

    October 9, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    LOL, Paula – I wish I’d said that!

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Business Marketing

“House has spark” – burning up the MLS with typos and other bloopers



The year is starting a march toward its natural ending, friends…and it seems a few real estate careers may be also. This week I found some real head-scratchers in local real estate ads and the MLS.  However, I get submissions from all over the U.S., so no one is safe from the eyes of  the Blooper Scooper. Check out these blunders:

Do You Smell Smoke?

“House has spark” (Apparently your real estate career isn’t the only thing going up in smoke.)

“Big pep area in kitchen” (Is that the cookie jar where Mommy Dearest stashes her uppers?) 

“Dull Viking ovens” (Methinks there’s something in the cookie jar that will perk up those dull Vikings.)

“Large greenhose in back” (Large, naked Jolly Green Giant in yard.)

“Mush added to this house” (Was that the overflow from between your ears?)

I Think I See Flames

“Beautifully remolded guest” (Another cosmetically-altered Barbie hits the Hollywood party circuit.)

“Enjoy a drink poolslide” ( Hell, if the pool is sliding, I’ll need a whole pint of Jack.)

“Each bedroom has own bedrooom” (Hello-o-o, Alice, how are things down there in the rabbit hole?)

“Separate pod to build GH” (That should please my pea-sized buyers.)

“Play room for the kiss” (Something tells me this is the back seat of a ’67 Chevy.)

Still Smoldering…

“Ideal for gusts” (That’s great…if you want to live in a wind sock.)

“Impaccably detailed” (Incredibly challenged)

“Stylish pewder room” (Try burning a match.)

“Stone pillars flake driveway” (Flakey agent got stoned in driveway.)

Nothing But Embers (This Week’s Fave):

“From a bygone error” (You have just written your own epitaph.)



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Business Marketing

“New bd pans inc” – Making a Splash on the MLS



I have two things to say this week: 1. When you drink, you can’t think. 2. When you drink you can’t- … uh, what was I saying? Oh, yes – the MLS.  It was so full of bloopers this week that I am led to conclude that happy hour started Monday and never stopped. Read these and tell me if it is any wonder I was driven to throw back a few martinis myself:

Booze ‘N’ Fools

“Free membership to gin inc” (It seems someone else beat us to it, Martini Mary.)

“Grab now use imagination” (That’s what Arnold said to his housekeeper.)

“House has new edition” (Agent lacks erudition.)

“Babblying broke runs in back” (Bumbling buffoon runs amuck.)

“Drop by for cocktail ho” (Oh, is the Sunset Strip for sale?)

Puff ‘N’ Stuff

“Near Sacramento airpot” (I believe his name is Jerry Brown.)

“Claw me for selling” (I’m too busy clawing my eyes out over your spelling.)

“Reduction on mid-century ner Holywod” (Another mid-sixties porn star is looking for work.)

“We can sake your home” (Can I get fried rice with my sake?)

Proof or Goof

“Nice streem” (Said Grandma to Grandpa after his diaper  exploded.)

“Nice for dog kids” (Uh, they’re called ‘puppies,” pal.)

“New bd pans included” (Thank you, Nurse Nancy – can you warm those first?)

“Good stable in neighborhood.” (Have you contacted Mary and Joseph?)

“Drawing for plasma” (Is this a blood-bank?)

And This Week’s Winner Is:

“Good school in areola” (Thanks for keeping me abreast of things.)


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My secret office organization tip – Sharpies and tape

If you’re still practicing to be OCD, here is a secret I don’t typically share with anyone, but I’m willing to share with you today…



Keeping organized

I used to be obsessed with the P-touch machine. I labeled everything. Drawers, shelves, folders, canisters, and anything that I could think of putting a label on.

But the label makers weren’t as pretty as my own handwriting and didn’t come in every color a Sharpie does, so I got the brilliant idea one day to write in light blue sharpie in my beautiful handwriting on clear tape, placed neatly on the shelves in the pantry. Visitors thought I had written on the cabinets, “what if you have to move things?” they asked. “It’s just tape, look!” I said as if I was performing a complicated magic trick.

Not just shelves!

It’s great to use this tip on files and folders so you can reuse them (especially if you have custom files or designer files), on drawers at the bottom of each section where pens and tape goes, and especially in the break room.

No more label maker, no more refill cartridges and no more mess, especially someone else’s mess! Trust me, this is an OCD person’s dream organizing tip!

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