Tiptoe Through the Tulips
“Don’t walk on glass” (Reason # 1 to set down your mug before toppling off a bar stool.)
“Gallows kitchen” (For cooks like me who inspire guests to hang themselves.)
“See Sunday Guido” (Is this an ad from the Newark Caravan Guide?)
“In kitchen, two designs mary” (Is there also an image of Jesus on a tortilla?)
“Double caisson windows” (That explains the artillery on the front porch.)
Waddle Through Walmart
“Will go fat!” (Overheard in the fried food section at Walmart.)
“Contract mefor exact details” (Somehow I doubt that.)
“New school being bilked” (As is your seller.)
“Join us for Coke and pisa” (When leaning at Pisa, how do you get Coke to stay in the glass?)
Saunter Through Insanity
“Gourds on duty” (Do they know you’re selling their squash garden?)
“Apartments have low odorhead” (Is that code for “short, smelly landlord”?)
“This ones shizzles” (Congratulations, Snoop Dogg, I see you’ve obtained a real estate license.)
“For those with disturbing taste” (From the mouth of a disturbed agent…)
“Red disclosures” (Offered By Joe McCarthy at Round-em-up Realty.)
And Over the Cliff We Go (Blooper of the Week)
“Just needs a shitshine” (That explains the corn in your shoelaces.)
That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: spell well and sell.
