Ahhh, summer daze… It has been a wild week on the MLS, friends. The hot summer days must be causing heat stroke in Hollywood. Some of these head-scratchers HAD to be the result of too much sun…or too much Jagermeister. Tell me what you think:
House Sales in Holly-weird
“Celebrady home” (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!)
“Entertainment comes with house” (Is Uncle Elmer doing standup in the basement?)
“Living room with stripper pole” (O Dear Gawd – tell me it’s not Uncle Elmer’s!)
“Former home of B actor” (I’m so thrilled I may toss my bra and rush the stage.)
“Malibu compound w/ halopad” (Ain’t no halos in the ‘Bu, pal – just diamond tiaras.)
Gastro – oddical Sales Pitches
“House close to putring range” (Methinks this is a house that needs Beeno.)
“New straining wall” (No doubt it’s near the putring range)
“Experienced for fast movement” (An agent with “empty” promises…)
“Even your pussiest buyers will love this” (Yeah – they’ll ooze enthusiasm.)
Who Could Say No To This?
“No low-blow offers” (Offered by School-of-Hard-Knocks Real Estate, Inc.)
“Open house slitter needed” (Dial N-E-W-J-E-R-S-E-Y and ask for Uncle Vito)
“S. of Ventura Bullevard” (That’s just off Meadow Muffin Drive…)
“Seller will include enternment with purchase” (Sounds like a house to die for.)
“Liable Estimates on Closing Costs” (Do you also offer tubal litigation?)
“House with new goof” (Probably an accurate self-analysis…)
“Great vu kitch master new bidet (That’s the LAST thing I want to vu at breakfast, pal!)
There’s “Room” for One More…
“New state of the art exorcize room” (Hmm…imagine the equipment: stakes, strangers in black robes, machines to untwist your twisted pea-soup spewing skull… And think of the buyer pool: Mel, Charlie, Lindsay, Joaquin, Andy Dick, Ahmadinejad, Eric from South Park, Jack from Jack in the Box, that guy who invented the knife block shaped like a human head…
