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Why Lovers and Others Leave?

Why Lovers and Others LeaveWonder Why Lovers and Others Leave?

Why prospects vanish?  Why calls go unreturned, emails go unanswered and text messages are ignored.  Why past clients list with another?  Why buyers bolt?  Why business is bleak?  

People give other people the Heave-Ho for 4 Unfed Human Needs

1.  People Seek SIGNIFICANCE

2.  People Crave CERTAINTY

2.  People Desire an IMPROVED STATE OF BEING 

4.  You’re Peachy-Keen, They’re KAPUT

These are must-have human needs.  If we don’t feed our loved ones, clients, friends and fans with Gestures and Actions that enrich and nourish a Sense Of Significance, Certainty and an Improved State of Being, they’ll bolt, they’ll find it elsewhere.

Gestures and Actions.

How to feed lovers and others is easy to understand but harder to do.  Well, it’s harder for me anyway, but I digress.  On the brighter side, efforts repeated, grove into habit.  Habits are easy.  

I’m reminded of the quote, “Practice doesn’t make perfect.  Perfect practice makes perfect.”  In the spirit of perfect practice and brighter side habits, below you’ll find a short list of alleged Gestures and Actions that probably  lead to a sense of significance.  

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I’m rambling a bit, again,  but I’m reminded of another quote, about the Golden Rule 2.0, “Do onto others as they would have done unto themselves.”  My point,  the best Gestures and Actions are the ones THEY want, seek, crave and desire.  How do you know what those are?  Ask them.

In the meantime, between now and when you ask – here’s the semi-obvious list I mentioned earlier [some of these feed all three]:


  1. Be cool.
  2. Return calls promptly.  At the very least, return them – sheeez, you’re not Mr. President or Ms. Madonna.
  3. Send handwritten notes. No, email isn’t significant, we get a bajillion of those.
  4. Leave blog comments. Say something, anything…even  if it’s just one word like, “Huh”, “Duh”, “Sweet”, “Correct”, “Amen” or ????
  5. Recognize.  Appreciate.  Notice.
  6. Say Thank You.
  7. Don’t be stingy.  Be generous.
  8. RT – ReTweet.
  9. Listen more than you talk. Two ears, one mouth, etc.
  10. Facebook “Comment”, “Share” and “Like”.  Don’t lurk around like Sling Blade.
  11. Congratulate, encourage and support.
  12. Engage and conversate when you don’t need anything.  Like Forrest Gump said, “For no particular reason at all…”.
  13. Recommend on LinkedIn.  
  14. Use their name. It’s not “babe”,  “buddy”, “dude”, “pal”, “lady”, “honey”, “hey you” or “hey man”.
  15. Show genuine interest in their personal lives, hobbies, family, activities, etc..  Don’t be an “enough about you, let’s talk about me” fat head.
  16. You own a beautiful smile, wear it.
  17. Invite, include and share.
  18. Don’t interrupt an in-person conversation to answer your cell and start another conversation = Fail.


  1. Be authentic. Come correct.
  2. Up-Create.
  3. Be candid. Be calm. Be cool.
  4. Know what you believe in/stand for, be comfortable articulating it and BE IT.
  5. Keep your promises, do what you say you will, when you say you will.
  6. Don’t gossip.  Keep secrets.
  7. Don’t drink and drive.
  8. Don’t drunk dial/text/tweet.
  9. Don’t emotional meltdown.
  10. Lead. Don’t limp.
  11. Be on-time.
  12. Keep your promises/commitments.
  13. Don’t hold grudges or be a hater.


  1. Encourage. Embolden.  Empower.
  2. Support.
  3. Respect others. 
  4. Apologize when appropriate.
  5. Be Patient.
  6. Learn, learn, learn, grow, grow, grow.
  7. Share.
  8. Compliment.
  9. Don’t whine and wallow.
  10. Smile.
  11. Lighten up, play more, love more.
  12. Gift with surprise chocolate or Starbucks or diamonds or shoes or power tools, or flowers or kind words or Apple stuff or attention or time.


We’ve all been here.  You’re fine.  They are selfish, cynical, abusive, mean, narcissistic, bitter, egomaniacal, cu-cu, loco, angry, disrespectful, lazy, irresponsible  – just plain broken.  They don’t love themselves so they can’t love others or accept the love of others.  Sadly, you and I can’t fix them.  We must leave them so we can love others.  

You and I?

Let me say “Thank You”.  Thank you for reading and sharing.  Rock ON.

PS.  If you have some to add to the list, that’d be cool, leave them in comments please.  


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Photo Credit: Satisfaction by ~AlvisHamilton on deviantART

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Written By

Ken Brand - Prudential Gary Greene, Realtors. I’ve proudly worn a Realtor tattoo for over 10,957+ days, practicing our craft in San Diego, Austin, Aspen and now, The Woodlands, TX. As a life long learner, I’ve studied, read, written, taught, observed and participated in spectacular face plant failures and giddy inducing triumphs. I invite you to read my blog posts here at Agent Genius and On the lighter side, you can follow my folly on Twitter and Facebook. Of course, you’re always to welcome to take the shortcut and call: 832-797-1779.



  1. Kathleen Buckley

    May 11, 2009 at 9:06 am

    What a great post Ken! I love Golden Rule 2.0.

  2. Tara Jacobsen

    May 11, 2009 at 9:26 am

    Printed out. Posted on my bulletin board. Total words to live by. Thank you!

    PS – SWEET…:)

  3. Jeff Bulman

    May 11, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Ken great post. Funny thing is many will read this and few will follow your advice. (Leaving a comment). In our relationship business you always point out something so many miss, you have to help your clients before you should expect their loyalty.


  4. Allison Crow Flanigin

    May 11, 2009 at 6:44 pm


    Excellent, Simple, To the Point and SO TRUE.

    Allison Crow Flanigin

  5. Ken Brand

    May 11, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Kathleen, Allison, Jeff & Tara – Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed and hopefully benefited. It’s easy to get bogged down in all the heavy swirling other stuff…the stuff that’s important but doesn’t matter if you don’t get the soft side right.


  6. Antoinette Perez

    May 11, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Amen, dude. 😉

    Very well written, with salient points! Love your humor, incl. the professional use of “fathead” and reference to Sling Blade. I really need to write a post that includes “fathead”.


  7. Lani Rosales

    May 11, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Ken, you know I can’t add anything to this list, ’tis a complete work of art! 🙂

  8. Louise Scoggins

    May 12, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Hi, Ken! Great post and excellent advice. They are simple rules but ones so many forget. Very well written!

  9. Joe Loomer

    May 12, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Honesty is the best policy. Always.

    Great post Ken!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  10. Lisa Sanderson

    May 12, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    I love your list and that it includes ‘recommend on linkedin’, ‘smile’ and ‘don’t drunk dial’, the best of old & new Best Practices, all in one handy-dandy list! You rock, Ken!!

  11. Susie Blackmon

    May 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Why do lovers and others leave? Boredom comes to my mind!
    Great list Ken, and don’t drunk tweet should [maybe] include don’t drunk tweet naked, especially if you are going to be taking your Daily MugShot.
    You’re ‘simply the best’ Ken.

  12. Ken Brand

    May 13, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Antoinitte – Thanks. Yeah, it make me giggle to slap in a few odd ball words.

    Lani – Thanks. It’s funny, when I started, I thought it was dumb, then it sorta cleaned up and started to blink and go woo-woo. Weird.

    Louise – Thanks:-)

    Lisa – Most of them I’ve personally crashed and burned on, including the the drunk dialing…I wrestle with the tweeting under the influence of sarcasm and wiseass. Thanks.

    Susie – What? There’s nothing wrong with Daily Mugshoting in your birthday suit, your were born with it, show it off, that’s part of what it’s for. Thanks – Cheers-Clink.

  13. Emily Hudkins

    May 14, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Wonderful stuff. I’m going to print it off and give it to the other agents. All is so true, especially the listen part, One mouth, two ears. Gotta listen.

  14. Marvin Jensen

    May 20, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Rock on…

  15. Ian Greenleigh

    July 13, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Excellent and inspiring–and I’m a cynic by my very nature. I was having a conversation with my best friend last night about feeling unproductive, lazy, unsuccessful, etc. At a certain point, we just looked at each other and laughed. Why? We’ve both accomplished some great things in our short lives. We raise the bar high–a good thing–and we expect a lot from ourselves. But when we look at each other, we are amazed. A big thank you to you.

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