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Why Lovers and Others Leave?



Why Lovers and Others LeaveWonder Why Lovers and Others Leave?

Why prospects vanish?  Why calls go unreturned, emails go unanswered and text messages are ignored.  Why past clients list with another?  Why buyers bolt?  Why business is bleak?  

People give other people the Heave-Ho for 4 Unfed Human Needs

1.  People Seek SIGNIFICANCE

2.  People Crave CERTAINTY

2.  People Desire an IMPROVED STATE OF BEING 

4.  You’re Peachy-Keen, They’re KAPUT

These are must-have human needs.  If we don’t feed our loved ones, clients, friends and fans with Gestures and Actions that enrich and nourish a Sense Of Significance, Certainty and an Improved State of Being, they’ll bolt, they’ll find it elsewhere.

Gestures and Actions.

How to feed lovers and others is easy to understand but harder to do.  Well, it’s harder for me anyway, but I digress.  On the brighter side, efforts repeated, grove into habit.  Habits are easy.  

I’m reminded of the quote, “Practice doesn’t make perfect.  Perfect practice makes perfect.”  In the spirit of perfect practice and brighter side habits, below you’ll find a short list of alleged Gestures and Actions that probably  lead to a sense of significance.  

I’m rambling a bit, again,  but I’m reminded of another quote, about the Golden Rule 2.0, “Do onto others as they would have done unto themselves.”  My point,  the best Gestures and Actions are the ones THEY want, seek, crave and desire.  How do you know what those are?  Ask them.

In the meantime, between now and when you ask – here’s the semi-obvious list I mentioned earlier [some of these feed all three]:


  1. Be cool.
  2. Return calls promptly.  At the very least, return them – sheeez, you’re not Mr. President or Ms. Madonna.
  3. Send handwritten notes. No, email isn’t significant, we get a bajillion of those.
  4. Leave blog comments. Say something, anything…even  if it’s just one word like, “Huh”, “Duh”, “Sweet”, “Correct”, “Amen” or ????
  5. Recognize.  Appreciate.  Notice.
  6. Say Thank You.
  7. Don’t be stingy.  Be generous.
  8. RT – ReTweet.
  9. Listen more than you talk. Two ears, one mouth, etc.
  10. Facebook “Comment”, “Share” and “Like”.  Don’t lurk around like Sling Blade.
  11. Congratulate, encourage and support.
  12. Engage and conversate when you don’t need anything.  Like Forrest Gump said, “For no particular reason at all…”.
  13. Recommend on LinkedIn.  
  14. Use their name. It’s not “babe”,  “buddy”, “dude”, “pal”, “lady”, “honey”, “hey you” or “hey man”.
  15. Show genuine interest in their personal lives, hobbies, family, activities, etc..  Don’t be an “enough about you, let’s talk about me” fat head.
  16. You own a beautiful smile, wear it.
  17. Invite, include and share.
  18. Don’t interrupt an in-person conversation to answer your cell and start another conversation = Fail.


  1. Be authentic. Come correct.
  2. Up-Create.
  3. Be candid. Be calm. Be cool.
  4. Know what you believe in/stand for, be comfortable articulating it and BE IT.
  5. Keep your promises, do what you say you will, when you say you will.
  6. Don’t gossip.  Keep secrets.
  7. Don’t drink and drive.
  8. Don’t drunk dial/text/tweet.
  9. Don’t emotional meltdown.
  10. Lead. Don’t limp.
  11. Be on-time.
  12. Keep your promises/commitments.
  13. Don’t hold grudges or be a hater.


  1. Encourage. Embolden.  Empower.
  2. Support.
  3. Respect others. 
  4. Apologize when appropriate.
  5. Be Patient.
  6. Learn, learn, learn, grow, grow, grow.
  7. Share.
  8. Compliment.
  9. Don’t whine and wallow.
  10. Smile.
  11. Lighten up, play more, love more.
  12. Gift with surprise chocolate or Starbucks or diamonds or shoes or power tools, or flowers or kind words or Apple stuff or attention or time.


We’ve all been here.  You’re fine.  They are selfish, cynical, abusive, mean, narcissistic, bitter, egomaniacal, cu-cu, loco, angry, disrespectful, lazy, irresponsible  – just plain broken.  They don’t love themselves so they can’t love others or accept the love of others.  Sadly, you and I can’t fix them.  We must leave them so we can love others.  

You and I?

Let me say “Thank You”.  Thank you for reading and sharing.  Rock ON.

PS.  If you have some to add to the list, that’d be cool, leave them in comments please.  




Photo Credit: Satisfaction by ~AlvisHamilton on deviantART

Ken Brand - Prudential Gary Greene, Realtors. I’ve proudly worn a Realtor tattoo for over 10,957+ days, practicing our craft in San Diego, Austin, Aspen and now, The Woodlands, TX. As a life long learner, I’ve studied, read, written, taught, observed and participated in spectacular face plant failures and giddy inducing triumphs. I invite you to read my blog posts here at Agent Genius and On the lighter side, you can follow my folly on Twitter and Facebook. Of course, you’re always to welcome to take the shortcut and call: 832-797-1779.

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  1. Kathleen Buckley

    May 11, 2009 at 9:06 am

    What a great post Ken! I love Golden Rule 2.0.

  2. Tara Jacobsen

    May 11, 2009 at 9:26 am

    Printed out. Posted on my bulletin board. Total words to live by. Thank you!

    PS – SWEET…:)

  3. Jeff Bulman

    May 11, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Ken great post. Funny thing is many will read this and few will follow your advice. (Leaving a comment). In our relationship business you always point out something so many miss, you have to help your clients before you should expect their loyalty.


  4. Allison Crow Flanigin

    May 11, 2009 at 6:44 pm


    Excellent, Simple, To the Point and SO TRUE.

    Allison Crow Flanigin

  5. Ken Brand

    May 11, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Kathleen, Allison, Jeff & Tara – Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed and hopefully benefited. It’s easy to get bogged down in all the heavy swirling other stuff…the stuff that’s important but doesn’t matter if you don’t get the soft side right.


  6. Antoinette Perez

    May 11, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Amen, dude. 😉

    Very well written, with salient points! Love your humor, incl. the professional use of “fathead” and reference to Sling Blade. I really need to write a post that includes “fathead”.


  7. Lani Rosales

    May 11, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Ken, you know I can’t add anything to this list, ’tis a complete work of art! 🙂

  8. Louise Scoggins

    May 12, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Hi, Ken! Great post and excellent advice. They are simple rules but ones so many forget. Very well written!

  9. Joe Loomer

    May 12, 2009 at 11:48 am

    Honesty is the best policy. Always.

    Great post Ken!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  10. Lisa Sanderson

    May 12, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    I love your list and that it includes ‘recommend on linkedin’, ‘smile’ and ‘don’t drunk dial’, the best of old & new Best Practices, all in one handy-dandy list! You rock, Ken!!

  11. Susie Blackmon

    May 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Why do lovers and others leave? Boredom comes to my mind!
    Great list Ken, and don’t drunk tweet should [maybe] include don’t drunk tweet naked, especially if you are going to be taking your Daily MugShot.
    You’re ‘simply the best’ Ken.

  12. Ken Brand

    May 13, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Antoinitte – Thanks. Yeah, it make me giggle to slap in a few odd ball words.

    Lani – Thanks. It’s funny, when I started, I thought it was dumb, then it sorta cleaned up and started to blink and go woo-woo. Weird.

    Louise – Thanks:-)

    Lisa – Most of them I’ve personally crashed and burned on, including the the drunk dialing…I wrestle with the tweeting under the influence of sarcasm and wiseass. Thanks.

    Susie – What? There’s nothing wrong with Daily Mugshoting in your birthday suit, your were born with it, show it off, that’s part of what it’s for. Thanks – Cheers-Clink.

  13. Emily Hudkins

    May 14, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Wonderful stuff. I’m going to print it off and give it to the other agents. All is so true, especially the listen part, One mouth, two ears. Gotta listen.

  14. Marvin Jensen

    May 20, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Rock on…

  15. Ian Greenleigh

    July 13, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Excellent and inspiring–and I’m a cynic by my very nature. I was having a conversation with my best friend last night about feeling unproductive, lazy, unsuccessful, etc. At a certain point, we just looked at each other and laughed. Why? We’ve both accomplished some great things in our short lives. We raise the bar high–a good thing–and we expect a lot from ourselves. But when we look at each other, we are amazed. A big thank you to you.

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Disputing a property’s value in a short sale: turn a no into a go

During a short sale, there may be various obstacles, with misaligned property values ranking near the top, but it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker!



magic eight ball

magic eight ball

It’s about getting your way

Were you on the debate team in high school? Were you really effective at convincing your parent or guardian to let you do things that you shouldn’t have been doing? How are your objection-handling skills? Can you flip a no into a go?

When working on short sales, there is one aspect of the process that may require those excellent negotiation or debate skills: disputing the property value. In a short sale, the short sale lender sends an appraiser or broker to the property and this individual conducts a Broker Price Opinion or an appraisal, using special forms provided by the short sale lender.

After this individual completes the Broker Price Opinion or the appraisal, he or she will return it to the short sale lender. Shortly thereafter, the short sale lender will be ready to talk about the purchase price. Will the lender accept the offer on the table or is the lender looking for more? If the lender is seeking an offer for a lot more than the one on the table, mentally prepare for the fact that you will need to conduct a value dispute.

Value Dispute Process

While each of the different short sale lenders (including Fannie Mae) has their own policies and procedures for value dispute, all these procedures have some things in common. Follow the steps below in order to conduct an effective value dispute.

  1. Inquire about forms. Ask your short sale lender if there are specific forms that you need to complete in order to conduct a value dispute. Obtain those forms if necessary.
  2. Gather information. Your goal is to convince the lender to accept the buyer’s offer, so you need to demonstrate that your offer is in line with the value of the property. Collect data that proves this point, such as reports from the MLS, Trulia, Zillow, or your local title company.
  3. Take photos. If there are parts of the property that are substandard and possibly were not revealed to the lender by the individual conducting the BPO, take photos of those items. Perhaps the kitchen has no flooring, or there is a 40-year old roof. Take photos to demonstrate these defects.
  4. Obtain bids. For any defects on the property, obtain a minimum of two bids from licensed contractors. For example, obtain two bids from roofers or structural engineers if necessary
  5. Write a report. Think back to high school English class if necessary. Write a short essay that references your information, photos, and bids, and explains how these items support your buyer’s value. This is not something that you whip up in five minutes. Spend time preparing a compelling appeal.

It is entirely possible that some lenders will not be particularly open-minded when it comes to valuation dispute. However, more times than not, an effective value dispute leads to short sale approval.

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Short sale standoffs: how to avoid getting hit

The short sale process can feel a lot like a wild west standoff, but there are ways to come out victorious, so let’s talk about those methods:



short sales standoff

short sales standoff

What is a short sale standoff?

If you are a short sale listing agent, a short sale processor, or a short sale negotiator then you probably already know about the short sale standoff. That’s when you are processing a short sale with more than one lien holder and neither will agree to the terms offered by the other. Or… better yet, each one will not move any further in the short sale process until they see the short sale approval letter from the other lien holder.

Scenario #1 – You are processing a short sale with two different mortgage-servicing companies. Bank 1 employees tell you that they will proceed with the short sale, and they will offer Bank 2 a certain amount to release their lien. You call Bank 2 and tell them the good news. Unfortunately, the folks at Bank 2 want more money. If Bank 1 and Bank 2 do not agree, then you are in a standoff.

Scenario #2 – You are processing a short sale with two different mortgage-servicing companies. Bank 1 employees tell you that they cannot generate your approval letter until you present them with the approval letter from Bank 2. Bank 2 employees tell you the exact same thing. Clearly, in this situation, you are in a standoff.

How to Avoid the Standoff

If you are in the middle of a standoff, then you are likely very frustrated. You’ve gotten pretty far in the short sale process and you are likely receiving lots of pressure from all of the parties to the transaction. And, the lenders are not helping much by creating the standoff.

Here are some ideas for how to get out of the situation:

  • Go back to the first lien holder and ask them if they are willing to give the second lien holder more money.
  • Go to the second lien holder and tell them that the first lien holder has insisted on a maximum amount and see if they will budge.
  • If no one will budge, find out why. Is this a Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac loan? If so, they have a maximum that they allow the second. And, if you alert the second of that information, they may become more compliant.
  • Worst case: someone will have to pay the difference. Depending on the laws in your state, it could be the buyer, the seller, or the agents (yuck). No matter what, make sure that this contribution is disclosed to all parties and appears on the short sale settlement statement at closing.
  • In Scenario #2, someone’s got to give in. Try explaining to both sides where you are and see if one will agree to generate their approval letter. If not, follow the tips provided in this Agent Genius article and take your complaint to the streets.

One thing about short sales is that the problems that arise can be difficult to resolve merely because of the number of parties involved—and all from remote locations. Imagine how much easier this would be if all parties sat at the same table and broke bread? If we all sat at the same table, then we wouldn’t need armor in order to avoid the flying bullets from the short sale standoff.

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Short sale approval letters don’t arrive in the blink of an eye

Short sale approval letters may look like they’ve been obtained simply by experts, but it takes time and doesn’t just happen with luck.



short sales

short sale approval

Short sale approval: getting prepared, making it happen

People always ask me how it is that I obtain short sale approval letters with such ease. The truth is, that while I have more short sale processing and negotiating experience than most agents and brokers, I don’t just blink my eyes like Jeannie and make those short sale approval letters appear. I often sweat it, just like everyone else.

Despite the fact that I do not have magical powers, I do have something else on my side—education. One of the most important things than can lead to short sale success for any and all agents is education.

Experience dictates that agents that learn about the short sale process
have increased short sale closings.

Short sale education opportunities abound

There are many ways to become educated about the short sale process and make getting short sale approval letters look easy to obtain. These include:

  • Classes at your local board of Realtors®
  • Free short sale webinars and workshops
  • The short sale or foreclosure specialist designations

As the distressed property arena grows and changes, it is important to always stay abreast of policy changes that may impact how you do your job and how you process any short sale that lands on your plate.

The most important thing to do is to read, read, read. Follow short sale specialists and those who blog about short sales on AGBeat, Google+, facebook, and twitter. Set up a Google Alert for the term ‘short sale’ and you will receive Google’s top short sale picks daily in your email inbox. Visit mortgagor websites to read up on their specific policies and procedures.

Don’t take on too much

And, when you get a call from a prospective short sale seller, make sure that you don’t bit off more than you can chew. Agents in most of America right now are clamoring for listings since we are in the midst of a listing shortage. But, if you are going to take on a short sale, be sure that it is a deal that you can close. And, if you have your doubts, why not partner up with a local agent that can mentor your and assist you in getting the job done? After all, half a commission check is better than none!

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