I’m calling ITT Tech. It’s time they establish a course for translators for the MLS. Often the listings I see are so wacky I have to read them several times…yet sometimes they take on a life of their own. It’s like listening to Dame Edna Everage – I scratch my head and wonder why the absurdity is actually starting to make sense to me! Am I crazy? Don’t answer that, please – just enjoy the fun:
What Language Are You Speaking?
“Seller died. Truss sale.” (Just what we all need – used jock straps…)
“House has been Retro Flit” (House in West Hollywood, I presume.)
“Just pantsed lower area” (Did you fill in the “cracks”?)
“Nice lunch – arrive rearly!” (Uh, are we coming or going…and are we still in West Hollywood?)
“Close in 30 days – big bogus!” (Overexposure on the Disclosure. )
“House w/ beautiful dessert views” (House overlooking the pie display at Marie Callender’s.)
Are You High?
“Twilit Open – wine plunch reception. (Apparently the plunch is already flowing…)
“Good solid re-built rancher with bonus” (Well hot damn – give him my number!)
“Come see this very apeeling home” (Are you selling a house or a banana?)
“Please use probing form” (What do I look like – a gynecologist?)
“Guests have privates exit” (Hmmm – I think that’s called a zipper.)
Perhaps You Should Quit While You’re Ahead
“Hot new liesting” (Thank you, Speedy Gonzales.)
“Nice duplex with new sliding” – (Litigation location proclamation?)
“Buy before reduction and save money” (With that logic, you could work for the government.)
“Needs paint but is nice infernally” ( I’ll alert Dante.)
“Nice bungalow – must double upp.” (Deal ‘em pal – it’s Bungalow Blackjack!)
Put Down Your Martini and Go Home
“Nice greenhouse w/ horniculture specimans” (Uh, I think that covers most the men in Los Angeles.)
(Thanks for all reader contributions to this week’s laugh fest!)
