Sunday, March 8, 2026

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Why Now?

AG Pro gives you sharp insights, compelling stories, and weekly mind fuel without the fluff. Think of it as your brain’s secret weapon – and our way to keep doing what we do best: cutting the BS and giving you INDEPENDENT real talk that moves the needle.

Limited time offer: $29/yr (regularly $149)
✔ Full access to all stories and 20 years of analysis
✔ Long-form exclusives and sharp strategy guides
✔ Weekly curated breakdowns sent to your inbox

We accept all major credit cards.

Pro

/ once per week

Get everything, no strings.

AG-curious? Get the full-access version, just on a week-to-week basis.
• Unlimited access, no lockouts
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• Inbox delivery + curated digests
• Stop anytime, no hoops

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Get your fill of no-BS brilliance.

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/ once per year

All in, all year. Zero lockouts.

The best deal - full access, your way. No timeouts, no limits, no regrets.
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• Unlimited access to every story
• Re-read anything, anytime
• Inbox drop + curated roundups

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29
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0

*Most Popular

Full access, no pressure. Just power.

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Useful, just not unlimited.

You’ll still get the goods - just not the goodest, freshest goods. You’ll get:
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• 24-hour access to all new content
• No archive. No re-reads

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“Scalped ceilings” and other MLS hair-raisers


Wait until you see the characters who showed up this week on the MLS…well, at least tangentially. It was a great week for laughs, and many were provided by Jane PetersJan Pastras, and Patrick Martin, all from right here in sunny L.A. Thanks to you all for helping me be virulent. Uh, I mean vigilant:

Neither ‘Hair” nor There

“Nice scalped ceilings” (Designed by Tonto Interiors)

“Larder than others in the area”  ( Roseanne Barr must be selling her house.)

“Fellow directions” (Since when do fellows ask for directions?)

‘I’ll work garder for you” (Thank you,  Blaze Starr.)

“Horse property w/ room for stills” (Uncle Paddy, get off your bar stool – I found the house of your dreams!)

You Say Potato, I Say Kato

“Drop by for coattail hour” (Hosted by coattail experts Larry Fortensky, Kato Kaelin and Kevin Federline.)

“Needs work but not a teard” (Don’t cry for me Argentina.)

“Nice home. Show cokd.” (That’s fairly obvious, Ms. McSnorty.)

“”Manure foliage” (Sh_t for brains agent)

“Gas ready” (Just like Uncle Paddy…)

Quaked and Half-Baked

“So sorry – no seismic ins” (This must be on the Not My Fault Line.)

“New fence gaye” (A fence with a lisp?)

“Famedia room” (Is this a room or an STD?)

“Master now don” (I’ll call him “The Donald,” but there’s no way I’ll call him “master”!

My Fave’ Rave

“Sellr movng away –  not going to fix anyting, not repairs, not pest, not cracks, not nothimng.” (Buyer walking away – not going  to offer a dollar, not a dime, not a farthing…not nothimng, nit-wit!)

Gwen Bantahttps://www.LAhomesite.com
I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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