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“Newd on market!” – horrendous MLS laughs ‘n’ gaffs

Well friends, something tells me the holiday parties have begun.  The MLS and local real estate ads are showing signs of a lot of Happy Hour celebration.  Beware of tippling-n-typing over the holidays, or you may end up with egg nog on your face.

Check out these doozies:

Hey, Dude – Newds!

“Newd on market!” (I guess another starlet just hit Hollywood.)

“Be in your home for Newt Year” (But how do you get the party hats to stay on a salamander’s head?)

“Walk-out basemen” (Typical song-n-dance man…)

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“Free drawling” (Why, thanks, y’all.)

“All new hiny baths” (Uh, I believe those are called “bidets.”)

What a gas!

“Your buyer won’t gass on this home!” (I’d rather he do it there than in my car.)

“Nice hosue” (Everyone loves a good Korean BBQ.)

“Celibate in your new home” (A stiff mortgage can kill any libido.)

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“On hold for the remains of the month” (Grandpa, your urn is ready.)

“New widows in all rooms” (Ah…now we know where the “remains” of the month came from.)

Be Careful What You Wish For

“Great views from balony” (Of what – someone’s intestinal tract?)

“Duel baths” (Touche toushie!)

“Herdwood floors” (Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam…)

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Bev Hills beauty – Sellers toss is your gain” (That’s some big bucks for upchuck.)

And the Winner is:

“Hikiday Special” (I heard that pitch all Senior Year!)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joshua Dorkin

    December 10, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Nice list of gaffes, Gwen. It amazes me that people still don’t spell check their marketing with all the tools that do it for you.

  2. Lani Rosales

    December 10, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    HAHAHA CELIBATE! That is AWESOME! Thanks for continuing to make Fridays funny, Gwen!! 🙂

  3. Gwen Banta

    December 11, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Thank you, Lani and Joshua. I also got a chuckle out of the “hiny baths” – great visual!

  4. Agent for Movoto

    December 13, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    as always, these are pretty fantastic. thanks!

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