I’ve been out of town awhile, but the MLS has not let me down in my absence. Like a confused turkey, the MLS ran amuck again with hilarious misspellings and baffling comments. Thanks to my partner, Patrick Martin, for keeping a watchful eye on the MLS, the LA Times and the L.A. Magazine ads. I also picked up a few in my travels, so I now know Los Angeles is not the only town with a spelling problem (remember Dan Quale?). Here are my faves:
Fools Rush In…
“Big spackling fool with new spa” (Big spewing fool with new listing.)
“Extra Doom upstairs” (Proudly offered by Freddy Krueger)
“Shot sale” (That’s better music to the ears than “Oh Danny Boy,” eh, Uncle Paddy?)
“Two giant oafs and an elm” (And one giant oaf at the helm…)
“Old but sturdy, some tilting” (Hmmm…sounds like Uncle Paddy…)
…Where Wise Men Fear To Tread
“Open House. Nice. Good place for ranters” ( Hosted by Jerry Springer, I presume.)
“House really has god view” (A house in the fast lane of the 405 freeway no doubt.)
“Extra swelling in back is nice” (Cue the music: “ I like big butts and I cannot lie…”)
“Hammereod copper tub” (A place to soak those sensitive areas with “extra swelling.”)
“Only need a horrors notice” (Thank you, Alfred Hitchcock.)
“Large driveaway with big carpart” (Future home of the Pep Boys.)
“Guardian just planted” (My condolences…)
And Now For the Hard Sell!
“Please remove shoes – boobies provided” (Now that’s the way to sell a house!)
“Come for beverages and buffant.” (Offered by The Real Housewives of New Jersey)
“Lusting is brand new!” (Not in Hollywood, pal – we invented lust!)
Pick ‘o the Litter:
“House shlitter needed for lovely BelAir home” (I thought their shlitt didn’t smell…)
“Pool with two diving broads” (Let me guess…boobies provided?)
