A lot of listings went up in metaphorical flames this week, friends. Check out these bloopers and you’ll know why some listings are DOA. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles for being my ever-vigilant third eye.
I Smell Smoke
“Charring back patio” (Reason # 1 not to mix martinis and butane.)
“Open Sungay” – (Yay – another  West Hollywood open…good chance the agent will do my hair!)
“Lots oof stares” (Methinks they’re staring at the hole in your head.)
“Be careful – blond turn” (Well that explains the tire tracks and the mascara smears on the crossing guard…)
“Breezes and birds stinging” (Whimpered Magic Johnson when he lost his shorts to Larry Bird and the Celtics in the ’84 playoff games.)
I See Flames
“Sunset Blvd – orange house left” (No doubt it left after being cited for lack of taste.)
“$18000 deposit and last month rant” (With a deposit like that, I’d rant, too.)
“Spit rail fence” (Thank you for spoiling my lunch, Mucous Mary.)
“House turd every Tues 11-2” (I divorced my house turd. I’m just sayin’…)
I Hear Fire Trucks
“Condo for leash” (Isn’t it hard to walk it around the neighborhood?)
“English Tudor w/ high patched roof” (It’s your pitch that needs patching, pal…and p.s. – Are you high?)
“Newq lasting – red hot” (So is your head – I think it’s on fire.)
Last Words…
Fabulouse wrap around views…formal dinning room…Master Suit… salin pool (I suggest you don your master suit, make your way through the din, drown yourself in the salin pool and enjoy the fabulouse views as you go into the light….)
Epitaph
“No balls after 8 pm” (Hollywood’s version of “Not tonight, honey – I have a headache.”)
That’s It for this week, folks. Remember: Â Spell and Sell!
