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“Nice wart bar” – do your listings need medical attention?



I had a lot of laughs this week, friends – and most were unintentional. Perhaps the summer sun is causing lethargy. That’s the only excuse I could come up with to explain some of these moronic meanderings. Thanks to Allyson Hoffman for her great contributions from Chicago. 

Bumps and Dumps

“Nice wart bar” (Frog Inspection highly recommended)

“Cards for dump included” (Wouldn’t tissue be less irritating?)

“No lame offers accepted” (This must be from the Lame Agent Rule Book…)

“Designd with Fang shui” (From the Caravan Guide For Listings That Bite)

“Pool to dye for!” (Uh-uh – I don’t whip out the Loreal for anyone but Clooney.)

Who Could Refuse These?

“Perfect for art correction” (Offered by Dominatrix Dorothy)

“Wonderful ocean freezes” ( …Isn’t that a bit hard on your manhood, Siberian Sam?)

“Must sell before labor” (This gives new meaning to “contractual obligations.”)

“Nice bean ceilings” (Are you also serving Chianti, Mr. Lecter?)

“Depressed wood floors” (You’d feel the same way if you had feet in your face every time you were in a horizontal position.)

Expiration Proclamation

“High-tech TB equip inc”  (Yipee – I can have my very own sanitarium.)

“Mosaic of glob in foyer” (That’s probably what the seller expelled from his throat after  seeing your spelling abilities.)

“House on end of peninisulim” (My condolences – that sounds terminal…)

“This home offers cure elegance” (Does it have a cure for idiocy?)

“Views of Point Doom” (Point Dume is in Malibu, pal – “Point Doom” is the top of your skull.)

That’s it for this week, folks.  Remember, I’m always lurking with the Blooper Scooper!

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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  1. Joe Loomer

    July 23, 2011 at 11:47 am

    I think I need some medical attention after reading these! Maybe I have some peninisulim in the medicine cabinet….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. sfvrealestate

    July 23, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    I hear that Miele is making $11,000 built-in wart bars for high end properties. And doesn't the Fang shui have to do with True Blood?

  3. Sheila Rasak

    July 25, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Nothing like this blog to get my day going! I once had the opportunity to review an offer to purchase for a friend in another state before he allowed his agent to send it to the listing broker. Let's just say that English wasn't the agent's first language and I've KNOW clue as to how she managed to obtain her license.

  4. Gwen Banta

    July 31, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Hey Friends – Due to an email address change several months ago, I have not been getting my AG notifications, so I had no idea I was receiving comments! Thus, forgive my delayed response.

    Joe, all I can say to you is…you should ALWAYS have peninisulim handy 🙂

    @svfrealestate Actually, I think I once dated a guy named Fang Shui – he was a chef in Chinatown…

    Sheila, I swear there must be imposters out there taking licensing tests for some of these agents. Hmmmm…I could use some extra money…

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Austin tops the list of best places to buy a home

When looking to buy a home, taking the long view is important before making such a huge investment – where are the best places to make that commitment?



Looking at the bigger picture

(REALUOSO.COM) – Let us first express that although we are completely biased about Texas (we’re headquartered here, I personally grew up here), the data is not – Texas is the best. That’s a scientific fact. There’s a running joke in Austin that if there is a list of “best places to [anything],” we’re on it, and the joke causes eye rolls instead of humility (we’re sore winners and sore losers in this town).

That said, dug into the data and determined that the top 12 places to buy a home are currently Texas and North Carolina (and Portland, I guess you’re okay too or whatever).

They examined the nerdiest of numbers from the compound annual growth rate in inflation-adjusted GDP to cost premium, affordability, taxes, job growth, and housing availability.

“Buying a house is a big decision and a big commitment,” the company notes. “Although U.S. home prices have risen in the long term, the last decade has shown that path is sometimes full of twists, turns, dizzying heights and steep, abrupt falls. Today, home prices are stabilizing and increasing in most areas of the U.S.”

Click here to continue reading the list of the 12 best places to buy a home…

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Housing News

Average age of houses on the rise, so is it now better or worse to buy new?

With aging housing in America, are first-time buyers better off buying new or existing homes? The average age of a home is rising, as is the price of new housing, so a shift could be upon us.



aging housing inventory

aging housing inventory

The average home age is higher than ever

(REALUOSO.COM) – In a survey from the Department of Housing and Urban Development American Housing Survey (AHS), the median age of homes in the United States was 35 years old. In Texas, homes are a bit younger with the median age between 19 – 29 years. The northeast has the oldest homes, with the median age between 50 – 61 years. In 1985, the median age of a home was only 23 years.

With more houses around 40 years old, the National Association of Realtors asserts that homeowners will have to undertake remodeling and renovation projects before selling unless the home is sold as-is, in which case the buyer will be responsible to update their new residence. Even homeowners who aren’t selling will need to consider remodeling for structural and aesthetic reasons.

Prices of new homes on the rise

Newer homes cost more than they used to. The price differential between new homes and older homes has increased from 10 percent traditionally to around 37 percent in 2014. This is due to rising construction costs, scarcity of lots, and a low inventory of new homes that doesn’t meet the demand.

Click here to continue reading this story…

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Housing News

Are Realtors the real loser in the fight between Zillow Group and Move, Inc.?

The last year has been one of dramatic and rapid change in the real estate tech sector, but Realtors are vulnerable, and we’re worried.



zillow move

zillow move

Why Realtors are vulnerable to these rapid changes

(REALUOSO.COM) – Corporate warfare demands headlines in every industry, but in the real estate tech sector, a storm has been brewing for years, which in the last year has come to a head. Zillow Group and Move, Inc. (which is owned by News Corp. and operates ListHub,, TopProducer, and other brands) have been competing for a decade now, and the race has appeared to be an aggressive yet polite boxing match. Last year, the gloves came off, and now, they’ve drawn swords and appear to want blood.

Note: We’ll let you decide which company plays which role in the image above.

So how then, does any of this make Realtors the victims of this sword fight? Let’s get everyone up to speed, and then we’ll discuss.

1. Zillow poaches top talent, Move/NAR sues

It all started last year when the gloves came off – Move’s Chief Strategy Officer (who was also’s President), Errol Samuelson jumped ship and joined Zillow on the same day he phoned in his resignation without notice. He left under questionable circumstances, which has led to a lengthy legal battle (wherein Move and NAR have sued Zillow and Samuelson over allegations of breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, and misappropriation of trade secrets), with the most recent motion being for contempt, which a judge granted to Move/NAR after the mysterious “Samuelson Memo” surfaced.

Salt was added to the wound when Move awarded Samuelson’s job to Move veteran, Curt Beardsley, who days after Samuelson left, also defected to Zillow. This too led to a lawsuit, with allegations including breach of contract, violation of corporations code, illegal dumping of stocks, and Move has sought restitution. These charges are extremely serious, but demanded slightly less attention than the ongoing lawsuit against Samuelson.

2. Two major media brands emerge

Last fall, the News Corp. acquisition of Move, Inc. was given the green light by the feds, and this month, Zillow finalized their acquisition of Trulia.

…Click here to continue reading this story…

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