There was another rash of typos in the MLS and property ads this week that I collected for your entertainment. These descriptions can provide hours of fun. We Realtors are such a saucy group – I think we should take this show on the road. We can open for Ozzy Osbourne. He can hardly talk, and we can hardly spell. We’ll bill ourselves as “Dazed and Confused.” Who’s on board?
Let The Show Begin:
Lushs back yard (Did you hear that, Uncle Timothy?)
House in movement condition (It’s enough to scare the crap out of you.)
Great Shit Pay Opp. (Another house in “movement” condition.)
Dog pack nearby (A new form of Neighborhood Watch.)
Vertical blonds (Horizontal after a few drinks.)
HOA covers water, trash, pest and pubic areas. (Just not pests in the pubic area.)
Pottery kild in shed (Psycho hiding in attic.)
New styptic (Because the purchase will bleed you dry.)
New draimage needs inspection. (Brain draimage is likely diagnosis.)
Bask in the hot sin by the pool. (An age-old Hollywood tradition.)
Lakefront with swim area marked by boubys. (Yeah, a good set sure can float.)
Act Two – Dazed and Confused
Fished tankd above bar (Uncle Timothy tanked under bar.)
New House on Large woodie lot (Recently erected, I presume.)
Low HO dues (Do they now have a club?)
Seller’s equipment not for sale (She didn’t pay her HO dues.)
Serving food and drunks (Uncle Timothy, did you get that address?)
Amazing view from top of hell (I think I’ve seen that view.)
Wet bra in rec room. (Rack bra in lingerie drawer.)
Owner decreased (Death by steam roller)
Bath with 2 heads in shower (Agent with 2 feet in mouth.)
The Show Continues in Spite of the Hecklers:
Near Manhattan Chatter School (A training ground for ladies of The View.)
House sits on large pot (So does Uncle Timothy after a bender.)
Drip into the sparkling pool. (Tetracycline anyone?)
Gardener with new drip line (Keep him away from the pool.)
Minutes to Pork and Ride (Is that a strip club…on a large woodie lot?)
Large Guest hose (Nope, not going there.)
Secure, privates & in a convent location. (Yep – Nuns demand those privates stay corralled.)
Great neighborhood – check out the cops. (Should I also do a “drive-by”?)
Long hellway separates kids from master (At last, a well planned house!)
And Now, the Curtain Call:
Move in by summer and enjoy the lick. (I bet this house sells fast.)
Thanks to all who contributed from all over the country. Special thanks to my colleagues and friends at Sotheby’s International Realty, Coldwell Banker, and Nelson Shelton, as well as to the, LA Times and the MLS for their unwitting contributions. For more fun and frolic, please visit www.SherlockofHomes.com
