Telescopic contact lenses are actually a thing. Wut!?

Wink to magnify, wink to exit. Seriously.

You’re in a bar. A hip one. You’re wearing a shirt and hopefully some pants. The cutie you’ve been eyeing all night shoots a wink your way, and it’s game on. Or so you think, until you walk up to that hottie with a body and ask for a phone number, only to find that the wink was just to zoom in on your shirt to see what it said. Disappointed, you sulk back to your barstool and decide to retire your clever graphic tee, for fear of being led on again. Thanks, telescopic contact lenses.

Ah, the Swiss. Chocolates, watches, and now tiny telescopic contact lenses that can zoom in at your command. They really know what they’re doing over there. It’s a simple formula, really. All you have to do is wink your right eye to magnify, and then wink your left when you’re done. Yeah, I guess they’re linked to each other? Which is so insane. This is some next-level binocular crap here.

Although the Pentagon agreed to fund the project to provide soldiers with super-vision, it’s possible that they might eventually be available for use by civilians as well. Age-related macular degeneration is, as you might have guessed, the progressive loss of visual clarity that comes with getting older. A tool like this would help people dealing with AND read street signs and recognize faces from afar with ease.

There are worries, but are they merited?

If you’re like me, you’re probably concerned about the breathability of these lenses. I have to wear special lubricated contacts, and even still, my eyes are typically drier than the Sahara in my day-to-day. Something with as much firepower as these lenses would probably be like wearing a lead shield across your eye, right?

Wrong! And thank goodness I’m wrong. Scientists have crafted incredibly small air channels throughout the lenses to make sure your eyes can soak up that oh-so-necessary O2.

If you’re still not sold, you need to compare it to the alternative. Look at bifocals, man. Just look at them. I couldn’t get away with wearing those. I’m 22. Besides, actual magnifying lenses are bulky, fragile, and a pain to lug around/wear/operate. If I don’t find a coupon for Lasik, this is my next bet.

#TelescopicContacts