Once upon a time a beautiful baby boy was born. He knew he had to crawl before he could walk, walk before he could run, run before he could become the real estate rock star we all know and love today. He was special and destined for greatness. Some day he knew he would be notorious famous. Maybe today is that day.
What this little boy didn’t know is that after he grew up his inner child would turn on him and send the photos to his very first listing ever to me.
Warning: If there are children, pregnant women, daisies, elderly people, puppies, ill folks or frail people have them leave the room right now.
Ladies and gentlemen of Agent Genius readership I give you the best of the worst of Matt Stigliano.
The Back 40
Nothing says “upgrades and features” like a rusty meter clinging to life on the side of home. What Matt didn’t hear is that as he walked away the meter whispered in that Haley Joel Osment *I see dead people* voice, “Take me with you. Save me.”
You Just Know A “Rock of Love” Contestant Lived Here
The stagers delight. Left to right, starting at the pharmapseudicals, follow the white cable, past the “curtains” up and over TV #1, past the blushing bride, then follow the black cord down to the strip fest that happened in the “magic room” about a half an hour before Matt showed up to take that picture. I called it TV #1 for two reasons: First so you can double back and look at that curtain rope rod and also so you can start counting.
Robin’s Egg Gone Wrong
Have a seat and help yourself to some of those tasty grapes on the table. You know you want some. (don’t look at the grime around the door knob, it’s really nothing) Did sasquatch live in this house? Why are all of the photos touching the ceiling and why is there a little tiny cowboy boot hanging from a string in the middle of the room? Yee, haw! Oh, before you leave, inventory TV #2 and TV#3.
Not Enough Room To Change Your Mind
Sponge Bob isn’t the only hostage here. He’s trapped on a shelf with a dozen others. All they want to do is get off the shelf and watch TV #4 or maybe even TV #5. Maybe they’d get down and stretch their legs if there was an inch of space … somewhere.
This Probably Isn’t The Only Raid That Happened Here
Check it! A listing contract on the kitchen table so smokin’ hot it’s red! Good thing there’s oven mitts nearby. Take the tour of condiments on the kitchen counter from left to right: Genuine Aunt Jemima Maple Syrup, Raid!, Salt, Oil. I think there’s a bottle of rubbing alcohol on the kitchen table by the plant, even. Matt, what did this house smell like and what they hell were they cooking?
Alright, everyone give Matt a round of applause for having the guts to share the photos of his first listing. Do you have the guts to show photos of your first listing?
Thanks, Matt. You’re a great sport. You’ve obviously paid your dues. We all hope that *everything* about your real estate career got better after this listing.
