Opinion Editorials

Top 5 Reasons Why You Wouldn’t Hire a Penguin as Your Next Realtor®

Often I am asked why there are not more penguins in the business of real estate – here in North America. Although it may not seem obvious to everyone, there are really good reasons why a potential Buyer or Seller would not hire a penguin as their next Realtor®.

Reason #1:
Penguins do not have the patience to deal with the random phone calls that other Realtors® have to professionally deal with on a daily basis. Penguins have a very short temper and have been known to actually throw phones through windows when non-committed, uneducated callers refuse to listen to logic. However, on the flip side, there ARE the penguins who jump at every call, but then have no time for their actual
clients. Neither scenario is good.

Reason #2:
Penguins believe that the Internet is a fad and refuse to make their presence here. (I know this because I guarantee that NO penguin will log on and actually dispute me. So, if you are a penguin, and you have embraced the internet as a tool in your business, please speak up … I’ll even email you a fish if you leave a comment here.) Do they not believe that over 80% of all home searches start online? Oh well …

Reason #3:
Penguins believe in a strict dress code. Personally, I believe that it is important to dress nicely for your clients, but that definition of “nice” differs from agent to agent and client to client. Penguins refuse to think of real estate as anything but a Black Tie affair. Ugh … please!

Reason #4:
Penguins never return phone calls. Maybe it is their lack of opposable thumbs. Maybe it has something to do with just thinking they are better than everyone. Maybe I could just make up excuses for this irreprehensible behavior all day long…. Regardless of WHY they never return phone calls, the fact is that they do not. This shows a complete lack of professionalism and there really is no excuse.

Reason #5:
Penguins are just way too selfish and self-centered.
I once witnessed a penguin at a local coffee shop making a complete ass out of itself. Who would hire someone like that? Nobody is THAT important…

So, if you were considering hiring a penguin as your next Realtor® please think through all these repercussions.

Anyway, if real estate really is a people-business, I guess penguins have no place in it anyway.

37 Comments

37 Comments

  1. Melissa Kruse

    November 17, 2007 at 8:00 pm

    Way to funny. Thanks for providing some humor on a gray Saturday. Of course I would expect nothing less from Colorado Springs best realtor.

  2. Laurie Manny

    November 17, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    HA, I want some of what you have been nipping on.

  3. ines

    November 17, 2007 at 8:07 pm

    Say “no to penguins” – I can see them doing Colorado Springs with the cold weather and all….but we also have plenty in our HOT climate.

  4. Mariana

    November 17, 2007 at 8:20 pm

    I have decided (officially) that although real estate is no laughing matter, it provides some of the greatest humor in my life. And so do penguins.

  5. monika

    November 17, 2007 at 11:36 pm

    I really enjoyed that Mariana…I needed a good laugh today!

  6. Teresa Boardman

    November 17, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    Now wait a second . . I thought Realtors were held to a higher standard? . . .

  7. Mariana

    November 18, 2007 at 1:41 am

    You know what Teresa? You ARE right! They ARE held to a higher standard, but I am sure you will agree that not ALL agents (penguins or otherwise) actually reach that standard …

    Monika! Happy Penguin Day! (.. I just made that one up.)

  8. Vicki Moore

    November 18, 2007 at 1:52 am

    Only a creatively strange mind could come up with that one. Completely awesome!

  9. Todd Carpenter

    November 18, 2007 at 7:54 am

    Vicki, I’m sure Mariana’s mind is perfectly normal… at sea level. There’s not much air up here you know.

  10. Laurie Manny

    November 18, 2007 at 10:21 am

  11. Todd Carpenter

    November 18, 2007 at 10:34 am

    I don’t know Laurie, I think this version relates better to the spirit of this post.

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=NEYer85whfI&feature=related

  12. ines

    November 18, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    Laurie and Todd, you guys are a trip!

  13. Mariana

    November 18, 2007 at 3:31 pm

    Vicki – Todd may be onto something there …

    Laurie and Todd – WOW! How did you get all that great footage from the recent NAR convention?!?!?
    …very cool. 😉

  14. Brian Wilson

    November 19, 2007 at 9:46 pm

    Does this include the Penguin a la “Batman Returns”?

    https://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_brothers/batman_returns/danny_devito/batman.jpg

    Frankly, I think his hard-nosed business tactics and hypnotic umbrella would make him one of the finest Realtors we’ve seen, although his halitosis and butt-ugly face might count against him.

    Brian Wilson, Zolve.com

  15. Mariana

    November 19, 2007 at 10:50 pm

    Brian – Maybe he is the rest of the penguins’ managing broker?

  16. Scoot

    November 19, 2007 at 11:03 pm

    Hello, my name is Scott, I’m a penguin, I have embraced the internet, I act almost the opposite of how you’ve describe my species, are you bashing my species? please send me the fish!

  17. Mariana

    November 19, 2007 at 11:31 pm

    Hi Scott, and welcome to my post. I will email you a fish, as promised.
    Am I bashing a whole species? No. Of course not. Just the penguin agents. 😉

  18. Mariana

    November 19, 2007 at 11:39 pm

  19. Scoot

    November 20, 2007 at 12:10 am

    I have to admit, I’m not really a penguin. I may have been guilty of making fun of a species myself. I just wanted the fish.

    I don’t even know what a “penguin Realtor” is, again I just wanted the fish.

    Thank you, that was a good fish!

  20. Mariana

    November 20, 2007 at 10:02 am

    Yeah, I checked out your blog, and I think that you are most definitely NOT a penguin. (I noticed that you have opposable thumbs…)

  21. Scoot

    November 21, 2007 at 8:12 am

    …]Last night I posed as a penguin.[…

  22. Lisa Dunn

    December 5, 2007 at 11:44 am

    I have a nephew who will be very sad to see there is something penguins can’t do. He asked Santa for a pet penguin. Glad it wasn’t a pet realtor 🙂

  23. Mariana

    December 5, 2007 at 12:31 pm

    Pet Realtor! Ha!

  24. Pensacola Real Estate News

    December 5, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    I watched march of the Penguins the other night. I could clearly see that penguins would not make good realtors, but while watching the movie, somehow that thought never even crossed my mind. Kind of strange that I didn’t think of it. Not to mention they are pretty worthless at protecting their little ones, I can only imagine how bad they are at negotiating for their clients.

  25. Mariana

    December 16, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    Karl – You know, March of the Penguins is a perfect PR video for my post …

  26. Ann Cummings

    December 16, 2007 at 9:33 pm

    Hey Mariana – this was a hoot! I have to say I don’t get asked often at all why there aren’t more penguins in real estate, but when that first happens, I’m going to ingrain these reasons in my head…..just in case I do get asked that question! 😉

    Hilarious!

  27. Mariana

    December 17, 2007 at 8:32 am

    Ann! With all the snow you have been getting I am shocked that you haven’t gotten that question more often! 😉

  28. Mariana

    January 29, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    Why is it that this post keeps “appearing” on other blogs … Is it magic? Or are there more penguin agents out there than I choose to believe?

  29. Mariana

    March 2, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    [For as much as I am NOT a Penguin agent, sometimes I DO wish I lived among penguins … sliding around on my belly, eating fish and dodging sharks.]

  30. Sue

    July 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Mariana, you certainly have a good and very clever sense of humor. I actually did a “farming” card with penguins once….one penguin was asking the other if he knew of a good realtor and the other penguin had his “arm” pointing (like you’re guy above) and was saying “Yes, Sue went that way”. Thanks for the post!

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