Her royal hat-ness
You can say toe-may-to, and I can say toe-ma-toe, but we both need to spell it properly unless we want to come off like morons, no? Well, you decide. The MLS apparently has come out with a new dictionary I didn’t know about: The MLS Garble Edition.
Read it and weep:
Now Trending…
“Hat property” (Beatrice, luv, that toilet seat on your head is shat property, and requires a good dump.)
“1 bd – real germ” (Yep – reason # 2 to NEVER participate in an orgy. Reason # 1: an unexpected fire drill.)
“Retaining wall shited” (You would, too, if you were hanging onto a L.A. hillside during a 6.7 shaker.)
“Recently samblasted” (That’s what we say every time my Uncle Sam eats cabbage.)
“Won bedroom” (Lost in nasty divorce.)
“Dog seltzer” (For dogs with hang-overs I presume?)
You Say Tomato, I say…
“Italian tiles and minor carpeting” (If the minor carpet is in L.A., it no doubt has fake ID’s.)
“Miner work needed” (The helmet with the light and the canary were a dead giveaway.)
“Pocked listing” (I hear Proactive is very effective for that.)
“New constriction” (Have you tried a Fleet enema?)
‘Roamin shades” (Is that like roamin’ black-outs when the electric company is jacking us around?)
“Former home of famous tart” (I’m guessing Paris, Lindsey…or Liberace.)
Auto-Fill Blooper of the Week
“For those with disturbing taste.” (That’s what my mother said when I brought my ex home…)
Even Webster Didn’t Plan For This!
“Watch head, ponch hangs low ” (I don’t know who ponch is, but maybe he should consider a jock strap…)
“New irritation” (That’s what happens when your ponch hits the pavement.)
Thanks to Patty DaSilva and Jane Peters for their hilarious contributions this week. That’s it, friends. I need to rest my shattered psyche now. Remember – Spell and Sell!
I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.