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Real estate humor – God bones – heaven help the MLS

Did you hear that?  Yep – that was the sound of my rosary beads hitting the floor…with me close behind.  The bloopers were bad enough this week that I considered joining a convent to find peace for my tortured former-English-teacher soul. Unfortunately, none would take me. There was some reference to my penchant for bacchanalia, but I’ve got nothing on these people:

What’s Amiss With This?

“Has god bones” (Uh, I think He already knows who has His ribs…)

“Fur rent – lovely cirdular design” (Is this a home or a hamster wheel?)

“Spanish style w/ two tuffets” (For those who enjoy curds and whey…)

“Near Bev Hills Ho” (Don’t get too near unless you’re on penicillin)

“Handymen will lick the workbench” (I’d pay big bucks just to see that!)

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Tempting, But I’ll Restrain Myself

“Security dates ensure safety” (In case I’m attacked by a felonious fig?)

“Buyor lease” (If I’m going to lease your buyer, he better be hot!)

“Seller says no expense sparfed” (Seller regurgitation proclamation.)

“Tran leads to lake” (Hmmm… a transsexual tour guide.)

“Master has stream room” (I think that called a toilet…)

“Big compou” (Thank you, Wan Hang Lo)

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Overstating The Obvious

“Plumbing is good addit’n” (Especially if the “master has stream.”)

“Has wiring” (I’ll alert the media – this is electrifying!)

“Includs comisin agent ” (Can I get it without the idiot agent who typed this?)

Shut Up and Say good Night

“Has walls thiaviarle” (And obviously one just fell on the agent…)

Happy Friday the 13th. as my Irish uncle would say:  “There is no such thing as bad luck or bad booze…just bad service.”

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Rich Gaasenbeek

    May 13, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Ah Gwen, a wonderful roster this week! You've made my morning.


  2. Gwen Banta

    May 13, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I'm happy to hear that, Rich. I found one today that made my own morning: "New vile windows." Don't they sound lovely?

  3. MH for Movoto

    May 13, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Amaaaazing as always. "God bones" is GREAT.

  4. Gwen Banta

    May 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    @ Movato – Thank you! i wonder if "God bones" means it's a church for sale…

  5. Phoenix Home

    May 16, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Very funny and made my day….Thanks

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