For Free!
“Free tors” (Apparently Sweden is reducing its surplus of tall, blond, good-looking men.)
“House got fecelift” (Too much paper, not enough flush.)
“Location on bus lane” (Hence the large, smelly vehicle parked in the bathroom.)
“Room to spread ouch” (You must be moonlighting as a gynecologist.)
“Big gronds with weeping trees” (Big regrets for sobbing seller.)
For Pete’s Sake!
“New paint shows batter” (Yet another bout of pancake toss gone awry…)
“Fast your eyes on this” (The new Hollywood Eyeball Cleanse – guaranteed to make you forget the ugly stranger you woke up with.)
“Reed my newsletter” (“Reed” my lips: NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)
“New glass tires” (I hope they come with a really big tube of Super Glue.)
Forbidden!
“Seller will pay for buyers movement” (Just take them down to the L.A. River where they can get all they want for free.)
“Lots available – being surveilled” (Well, that explains the fat cop eating donuts behind the bush.)
“Designed with beauty and grave” (Brought to you by the American Horror Story School of Architecture.)
“Lots of preferred maintenance” (In L.A., that means some plastic mama in Beverly Hills is hosting a Botox party.)
Fuggedaboutit!
“Seller rooted pipes” (He must have a very long, uh, rotor.)
 That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: Spell well and sell.
