Here, for your enjoyment, are some examples of how agents tried to “Put Lipstick on A Pig” and still ended up with an oinker. Happy Forth of July (and especially to Herb – the pig introduced in this blog):
You Can’t Dress This Up
“Herbs bed in front of shed” (Herb’s wife behind shotgun)
“Enjoy firewoks from the upper deck” (This agent woks on hot coals for his clients)
“Weeping Widow behind garage” (Weeping Herb hiding behind widow.)
“Lush ghetto with squirting waterfalls” (A property for drunks with bladder problems)
“Floating starecase” (I see dead people.)
“Protruding rock front” (A hard set of hooters)
“Yard w/ shed & big dick area” (Herb’s yard – he has delusions of glandular.)
And For the Law Breakers
“Tenants on short leash” (Landlord in County Lockup)
“Cranked windows” (And a cranked agent.)
“Trees and pot included” (Bong negotiable)
“Large shooting rage” (20 agents on an L.A. Freeway)
“Mate with cherry” (Back off, Herb – you’re in enough trouble.)
Another Shade of Lipstick
“Crepe Cod Home” (A French take on an American classic)
“Double pained French doors” (Yeah, the French are a pain to all of us.)
“Friendly neighbor on one side” (France on the other.)
“Call for Cod. Must Sell Now” (Sushi to die for)
“Dagwood trees” (And Blondie wood floors?)
“Moosaic pattern in entry” (Oh give me a home, where the Guernseys roam…)
“Boat doc needs wood support” (When a jock strap just won’t do…)
“Outdoor girll excluded” (But we’ll throw in Herb for free.)
“Windows with decorative red shitters” (Someone should see a doctor about that…)
Potpourri
“Crassman home” (A home that’s rough around the edges)
“Top grade imported plant floors” (Pass the bong.)
“House in the heat of Studo City, CA” (Yeah, I’m hot just thinking about it.)
“Popular style Archertecher” (I love his Fish n Chips.)
“Long drive with apple parking” (This agent was sauced.)
“Quayle hunting area” (A popular activity with Hoosier Democrats.)
“Owner wants to stray.” (Get a pre-nup and a shotgun.)
And This Week’s Favorite:
“A little fluff is all this needs” (Apparently that’s what Herb said to his wife.)
Thanks to all who contributed from all over the country. Special thanks to my colleagues and friends at Sotheby’s International Realty, Coldwell Banker, and the MLS for their unwitting contributions.
