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The MLS – Blooper Encore!


Usually I have to wait several weeks to accumulate enough fodder from The MLS to fill a blooper blog, but this week was exceptional. It has been a long year, and agents out there are either exceptionally tired…or exceptionally loaded. Here is the best of the week: 

Real Estate with a Twist

Proudly erect Old Gory (Try to keep it at half staff, boys.)

Polished Pig-n-groove floors (And who says you can’t dress up a pig?)

Depressed property specialist (Motto: We blame low prices on your bad childhood.)

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Clotted cheese ceilings have been removed (Clotted brained agent still on duty.)

Kitchen with new farm stink (I’ll bet it has pig-n-groove floors.)

Sellers have been dislocated (Apparently Vini “The Squeeze” Gambino represented the buyers.)

House with creeping  jasmine and red shingles (A Scratch and Sniff delight.)

Cooktop with gretle (Hansel in oven)

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Experienced at shot sales (That’s obvious, you lush.)

Many armenities (Upgrades for Armenians)

English Not Required Here

Entelligent design (Remedial agent.)

His and Herse sinks (For the spouse who wants to drown himself)

Well laid floor (Smiling contractor on call.)

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Handrubbed basebroads – (These broads must live in the house with the “Well Laid Floor”…)

New Assfault (That sounds more deadly than the San Andreas!))

Antique travesties in public room (This must be a Nursing Home.)

Charming Mud Century home (Ark out back.)

Light screams in living room (Texas Chain Saw murderer in foyer.)

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Vintage pub in bathroom (This gives new meaning to “doing shooters.”)

Abcessed lighting in romantic designer bedroom  (Lust ‘n Pus)

New sliming doors (Designer also known for her Pus House.)

Leaded gass accents (Short walk to Taco Bell.)

And This Week’s Favorite:

“This house will make you yell, Horney, stop the car!” (There’s nothing like a really HOT buyer!)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Joe Loomer

    October 2, 2009 at 11:43 am

    “New Assfault!!!!” OMG – reminds me of my first trip to Germany while in the service and a very young man with a sick sense of humor – driving down the autobahn and seeing “Ausfahrt” at every exit. Giggled for miles – not the smart thing to do at about 100 miles an hour….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Eric Hempler

    October 2, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Good Picks

  3. Christine Rich

    October 2, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I don’t often laugh out loud, but cannot help myself when I read these posts. Thanks for posting this!

  4. Pat Curry

    October 2, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard.

  5. Colin Stevens

    October 2, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Awesome way to start my Friday morning!

  6. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    Joe, your hilarious tales are enough to fill a blog forever. I am going start collecting your stories in case the MLS actually has a literate week and I run out of material. Knowing you (and all your Navy buddies), we may need to deliver a few in a brown paper cyber-wrapper.

  7. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Thanks, Eric. If you see any bloopers in your area, please send them here so we can clip ‘n’ quip.

  8. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Thanks, Christine. At the end of a long week, the laughter helps put everything in perspective, doesn’t it?

  9. Joe Loomer

    October 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    When stationed in Greece, I had a Navy buddy a practical joker who spoke pretty good Greek, while his wife did not. The word in Greek from bread is “psomi,” while the word for a certain – shall we say – indelicate portion of the male anatomy is quite similar – simply substitute the “m” with an “l.”

    Well my buddy, Pete, looooooved him some fresh baked bread from the local Greek bakery. So much so, in fact, that Pete was on a first-name, baby-kissing basis with the owner and his entire family.

    Pete also – however – loooooved him some wife-teasing. So he sends his wife down there to the bakery after a quick and muddled Greek lesson about how to ask for “fresh bread.” You can probably guess exactly what his poor wife actually asked for – fresh or not – when she walked in the bakery.

    Long story short – Pete’s wife was never seen outdoors again, and Pete sported some heft shiners for a good two weeks. The rest of us – Greek Baker and clan included – literally peed ourselves for hours.

    Don’t know what in the Love of God this has to do with MLS comments, but the Ausfahrt comment I made had me thinking of how transposing letters can get you in trouble….

    Navy Chief! Navy Pride! Fresh Bread for all my Filemoos! Yassu!

  10. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    I love that story, Joe – LMAF. Yes, transposing letters and misspelling can be dangerous. What if psomi were spelled psonmi? I am sure you can find that on the Greek MLS somewhere!

  11. Matthew Hardy

    October 2, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Yer a font… a reg’ler font. 😀

  12. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    I’m font of you, too, Matthyeu 🙂

  13. Lesley Lambert

    October 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    Oh my gosh, that was great! LOL thanks for the giggle!

  14. stephanie crawford

    October 3, 2009 at 1:05 am

    “New Farm Stink” ha!

  15. Susie Blackmon

    October 3, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Pretty hilarious and part of the reason we have respect issues. Photography and English should be … well, nevermind.

  16. Matt Stigliano

    October 3, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Joe – Having been to Germany so many times I was being to consider switching to the all pork and beer diet, I know what you mean. I still giggle a little when I see it – and I knew what it meant the first time I went there.

    Gwen – If your MLS ever cleans up its act, it will be a sad day here at AgentGenius. Although I find myself slightly embarrassed to see the things I see thanks to you, I might lose all faith in laughter if I didn’t see them.

  17. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:24 am

    You’re welcome, Lesley. I just found some for next week that I can’t wait to share!

  18. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:25 am

    Maybe the agent hated the seller, Stephanie…

  19. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:26 am

    I agree, Susie, but at least we can have a lot of fun laughing at ourselves!

  20. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:33 am

    I don’t think we’ll ever run out of material, Matt. I get a lot of submissions from all over the country these days. It seems that misspellings and Freudian slips are a national malady. Maybe it’s a general lack of sleep in our profession…or an inability to hold our licker…uh, liquor.

  21. Paula Henry

    October 6, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    After being AWOL for a bit, this made my week! I unashamedly admit – I hope agents never quit writing content for you.

  22. Gwen Banta

    October 7, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Welcome back, Paula! I’ll be in Indy next week, and you can be sure I’ll be scanning all the real estate ads in the Indianapolis Times for Hoosier Hilarity!

  23. Karen Cloke Rodriguez

    January 8, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    So funny, but so sad at the same time! I saw a blooper so bad one time that I had to print out the MLS sheet and mail it to the agent. I live in New Orleans and this listing was right after the Hurricane. She described the property as “ravished by Katrina.” I wrote her a note saying that I was sure she meant to say ravaged. And I included the Webster’s Dictionary definition of ravished, you know, just in case…

  24. Gwen Banta

    January 8, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Karen, I love that! I constantly see “dick” instead of “deck” as in “”large dick for entertaining.” It HAS to be Freudian!

  25. paula henry

    January 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Still funny;) Happy New Yearn Gwen!

  26. Gwen Banta

    January 8, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Thank you, dear Paula. Be sure to ‘fess up about some of your resolutions so we can all comisserate on our collective weaknesses 🙂

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