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The MLS – Blooper Encore!

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Usually I have to wait several weeks to accumulate enough fodder from The MLS to fill a blooper blog, but this week was exceptional. It has been a long year, and agents out there are either exceptionally tired…or exceptionally loaded. Here is the best of the week: 

Real Estate with a Twist

Proudly erect Old Gory (Try to keep it at half staff, boys.)

Polished Pig-n-groove floors (And who says you can’t dress up a pig?)

Depressed property specialist (Motto: We blame low prices on your bad childhood.)

Clotted cheese ceilings have been removed (Clotted brained agent still on duty.)

Kitchen with new farm stink (I’ll bet it has pig-n-groove floors.)

Sellers have been dislocated (Apparently Vini “The Squeeze” Gambino represented the buyers.)

House with creeping  jasmine and red shingles (A Scratch and Sniff delight.)

Cooktop with gretle (Hansel in oven)

Experienced at shot sales (That’s obvious, you lush.)

Many armenities (Upgrades for Armenians)

English Not Required Here

Entelligent design (Remedial agent.)

His and Herse sinks (For the spouse who wants to drown himself)

Well laid floor (Smiling contractor on call.)

Handrubbed basebroads – (These broads must live in the house with the “Well Laid Floor”…)

New Assfault (That sounds more deadly than the San Andreas!))

Antique travesties in public room (This must be a Nursing Home.)

Charming Mud Century home (Ark out back.)

Light screams in living room (Texas Chain Saw murderer in foyer.)

Vintage pub in bathroom (This gives new meaning to “doing shooters.”)

Abcessed lighting in romantic designer bedroom  (Lust ‘n Pus)

New sliming doors (Designer also known for her Pus House.)

Leaded gass accents (Short walk to Taco Bell.)

And This Week’s Favorite:

“This house will make you yell, Horney, stop the car!” (There’s nothing like a really HOT buyer!)

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37 Comments

37 Comments

  1. Joe Loomer

    October 2, 2009 at 11:43 am

    “New Assfault!!!!” OMG – reminds me of my first trip to Germany while in the service and a very young man with a sick sense of humor – driving down the autobahn and seeing “Ausfahrt” at every exit. Giggled for miles – not the smart thing to do at about 100 miles an hour….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Eric Hempler

    October 2, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Good Picks

  3. Christine Rich

    October 2, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I don’t often laugh out loud, but cannot help myself when I read these posts. Thanks for posting this!

  4. Pat Curry

    October 2, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard.

  5. Colin Stevens

    October 2, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Awesome way to start my Friday morning!

  6. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    Joe, your hilarious tales are enough to fill a blog forever. I am going start collecting your stories in case the MLS actually has a literate week and I run out of material. Knowing you (and all your Navy buddies), we may need to deliver a few in a brown paper cyber-wrapper.

  7. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Thanks, Eric. If you see any bloopers in your area, please send them here so we can clip ‘n’ quip.

  8. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Thanks, Christine. At the end of a long week, the laughter helps put everything in perspective, doesn’t it?

  9. Joe Loomer

    October 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    When stationed in Greece, I had a Navy buddy a practical joker who spoke pretty good Greek, while his wife did not. The word in Greek from bread is “psomi,” while the word for a certain – shall we say – indelicate portion of the male anatomy is quite similar – simply substitute the “m” with an “l.”

    Well my buddy, Pete, looooooved him some fresh baked bread from the local Greek bakery. So much so, in fact, that Pete was on a first-name, baby-kissing basis with the owner and his entire family.

    Pete also – however – loooooved him some wife-teasing. So he sends his wife down there to the bakery after a quick and muddled Greek lesson about how to ask for “fresh bread.” You can probably guess exactly what his poor wife actually asked for – fresh or not – when she walked in the bakery.

    Long story short – Pete’s wife was never seen outdoors again, and Pete sported some heft shiners for a good two weeks. The rest of us – Greek Baker and clan included – literally peed ourselves for hours.

    Don’t know what in the Love of God this has to do with MLS comments, but the Ausfahrt comment I made had me thinking of how transposing letters can get you in trouble….

    Navy Chief! Navy Pride! Fresh Bread for all my Filemoos! Yassu!

  10. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    I love that story, Joe – LMAF. Yes, transposing letters and misspelling can be dangerous. What if psomi were spelled psonmi? I am sure you can find that on the Greek MLS somewhere!

  11. Matthew Hardy

    October 2, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Yer a font… a reg’ler font. 😀

  12. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    I’m font of you, too, Matthyeu 🙂

  13. Lesley Lambert

    October 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    Oh my gosh, that was great! LOL thanks for the giggle!

  14. stephanie crawford

    October 3, 2009 at 1:05 am

    “New Farm Stink” ha!

  15. Susie Blackmon

    October 3, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Pretty hilarious and part of the reason we have respect issues. Photography and English should be … well, nevermind.

  16. Matt Stigliano

    October 3, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Joe – Having been to Germany so many times I was being to consider switching to the all pork and beer diet, I know what you mean. I still giggle a little when I see it – and I knew what it meant the first time I went there.

    Gwen – If your MLS ever cleans up its act, it will be a sad day here at AgentGenius. Although I find myself slightly embarrassed to see the things I see thanks to you, I might lose all faith in laughter if I didn’t see them.

  17. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:24 am

    You’re welcome, Lesley. I just found some for next week that I can’t wait to share!

  18. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:25 am

    Maybe the agent hated the seller, Stephanie…

  19. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:26 am

    I agree, Susie, but at least we can have a lot of fun laughing at ourselves!

  20. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:33 am

    I don’t think we’ll ever run out of material, Matt. I get a lot of submissions from all over the country these days. It seems that misspellings and Freudian slips are a national malady. Maybe it’s a general lack of sleep in our profession…or an inability to hold our licker…uh, liquor.

  21. Paula Henry

    October 6, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    After being AWOL for a bit, this made my week! I unashamedly admit – I hope agents never quit writing content for you.

  22. Gwen Banta

    October 7, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Welcome back, Paula! I’ll be in Indy next week, and you can be sure I’ll be scanning all the real estate ads in the Indianapolis Times for Hoosier Hilarity!

  23. Karen Cloke Rodriguez

    January 8, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    So funny, but so sad at the same time! I saw a blooper so bad one time that I had to print out the MLS sheet and mail it to the agent. I live in New Orleans and this listing was right after the Hurricane. She described the property as “ravished by Katrina.” I wrote her a note saying that I was sure she meant to say ravaged. And I included the Webster’s Dictionary definition of ravished, you know, just in case…

  24. Gwen Banta

    January 8, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Karen, I love that! I constantly see “dick” instead of “deck” as in “”large dick for entertaining.” It HAS to be Freudian!

  25. paula henry

    January 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Still funny;) Happy New Yearn Gwen!

  26. Gwen Banta

    January 8, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Thank you, dear Paula. Be sure to ‘fess up about some of your resolutions so we can all comisserate on our collective weaknesses 🙂

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Business Marketing

10 must-listen-to podcasts for business owners

(MARKETING) If you’re a business owner and want to learn something…anything…give one (or all) these podcasts a listen.

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As podcasts grow more and more popular, it has become increasingly difficult to sort through the sea of excellent options out there.

From interviews with business leaders to industry-specific advice from experts, podcasts are an incredible free and convenient way to get a small dose of inspiration and knowledge.

This short list offers just a taste of the myriad of business podcasts available. Whether you’re an aspiring entrepreneur looking for some tips on breaking into a new industry or a seasoned vet hoping to get some new inspiration, we hope you’ll find something here worth listening to.

How I Built This, hosted by Guy Raz.

Podcast fans will recognize Guy Raz’s name (and voice) from TED Radio Hour. While that show can be a great source of inspiration for businesses, one of the most consistently inspiring shows is his new project that shares stories and insight from some of the biggest business leaders in the world. In just four months, Guy has talked to everyone from Richard Branson and Mark Cuban to L.A. Reid and Suroosh Alvi. While there are plenty of excellent interview-driven shows with entrepreneurs, if you want to hear about the world’s best known companies, this is your best bet.

The Art of Charm, hosted by Jordan and AJ Harbinger.

The Art of Charm is a business podcast by definition, but the advice it provides will definitely help you in other parts of your day-to-day life as well. With over three million listens a month, the incredibly popular show provides advice, strategies and insight into how to network effectively and advance your career and personal life.

StartUp, hosted by Alex Blumberg and Lisa Chow.

If you’re an entrepreneur, there is no excuse not to be listening to StartUp, the award-winning business podcast from Gimlet Media. The show’s talented hosts come from incredible radio shows like Planet Money and This American Life and bring a top-notch level of storytelling to the show, which provides behind the scenes looks at what it is actually like to start a company. Now on the fourth season, StartUp is one of those business podcasts that even people not interested in business will get a kick out of.

The Whole Whale Podcast, hosted by George Weiner.

One of the best things about podcasts is the wide variety of niche shows available that go in-depth into fascinating topics. One of those shows is the Whole Whale Podcast, which shares stories about data and technology in the non-profit sector. You’ll get detailed analysis, expert knowledge and can hear from a long list of social impact leaders from Greenpeace, Change.org, Kiva, Teach For America, and more.

Social Pros Podcast, hosted by Jay Baer and Adam Brown.

Navigating the surplus of social media guides online can be a nightmare, so look no further than Social Pros. Recent episodes talk about reaching college students on social media, the rise of messaging apps, and making better video content for Facebook. Plus, there are great case-studies with companies doing social right, like Kellogg’s, Coca Cola and Lenscrafters.

Entrepreneur on Fire, hosted by John Lee Dumas.

One of the original entrepreneurship shows, Entrepreneur on Fire has logged over 1,500 episodes with successful business leaders sharing tips, lessons and advice learned from their worst entrepreneurial moments. Sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking, always inspiring, this show is sure to have at least one interview with someone you can learn from.

The $100 MBA, hosted by Omar Zenhom.

Think of The $100 MBA as a full-fledged business program in snack-sized portions. The daily ten minute business lessons are based on real-world applications and cover everything from marketing to technology and more. Cue this show up on your commute to or from work and watch your knowledge grow.

This Week in Startups, hosted by Jason Calacanis.

This is your audio version of TechCrunch, Gizmodo, or dare we say The American Genius. Each week, a guest entrepreneur joins the show to talk about what is happening in tech right now. You’ll get news about companies with buzz, updates on big tech news and even some insider gossip.

The Side Hustle Show, hosted by Nick Loper.

This is the show if you want answers for the big question so many entrepreneurs face. How do I turn my part-time hustle into a real job? Featuring topics such as passive income ideas, niche sites, and self-publishing, host Nick Loper is upfront and honest about the tough world of side hustles. The show features actionable tips and an engaging energy, and may just be that final push you need to grow your gig.

Back To Work, hosted by Merlin Mann and Dan Benjamin.
Focused on the basics that you don’t think about, Back To Work looks deep into our working lives by analyzing things like workflow, email habits and personal motivation. Somewhere between self-help, and business advice, Back To Work takes on a new topic relating to productivity each week.

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Business Marketing

Why your coworkers are not your ‘family’ [unpopular opinion]

(MARKETING) “I just want you to think of us as family,” they say. If this were true, I could fire my uncle for always bringing up “that” topic on Thanksgiving…

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The well-known season 10 opener of “Undercover Boss” featured Walk-On’s Bistreaux & Bar. Brandon Landry, owner, went to the Lafayette location where he worked undercover with Jessica Comeaux, an assistant manager. Comeaux came across as a dedicated employee of the company, and she was given a well-deserved reward for her work. But I rolled my eyes as the show described the team as a “family.” I take offense at combining business and family, unless you’re really family. Why shouldn’t this work dynamic be used?

Employers don’t have loyalty to employees.

One of the biggest reasons work isn’t family is that loyalty doesn’t go both ways. Employers who act as though employees are family wouldn’t hesitate to fire someone if it came down to it. In most families, you support each other during tough times, but that wouldn’t be the case in a business. If you’ve ever thought that you can’t ask for a raise or vacation, you’ve probably bought into the theory that “work is a family.” No, work is a contract.

Would the roles be okay if the genders were reversed?

At Walks-Ons, Comeaux is referred to as “Mama Jess,” by “some of the girls.” I have to wonder how that would come across if Comeaux were a man being called “Daddy Jess” by younger team members? See any problem with that? What happens when the boss is a 30-year-old and the employee is senior? Using family terminology to describe work relationships is just wrong.

Families’ roles are complex.

You’ll spend over 2,000 hours with your co-workers every year. It’s human nature to want to belong. But when you think of your job like a family, you may bring dysfunction into the workplace.

What if you never had a mom, or if your dad was abusive? Professional relationships don’t need the added complexity of “family” norms. Seeing your boss as “mom” or “dad” completely skews the roles of boss/employee. When your mom asks you to do more, it’s hard to say no. If your “work mom or dad” wants you to stay late, it’s going to be hard to set boundaries when you buy into the bogus theory that work is family. Stop thinking of work this way.

Check your business culture to make sure that your team has healthy boundaries and teamwork. Having a great work culture doesn’t have to mean you think of your team as family. It means that you appreciate your team, let them have good work-life balance and understand professionalism.

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Business Marketing

Market your side hustle with these 6 tips

(BUSINESS MARKETING) It can be hard to stand out from the crowd when you’re starting a new side hustle. Here are some easy ways to make your marketing efforts more effective.

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Side hustles have become the name of the game, and especially during these turbulent times, we have to get extra creative when it comes to making money. With so many of us making moves and so much noise, it can be hard to get the word out and stand out when sharing your side hustle.

Reuben Jackson of Big Think shared five ways that you can market your side hustle (we added a sixth tip for good measure), and comment with your thoughts and ideas on the subject:

  1. Referrals: Don’t Be Afraid to Ask!
    If you’re going to make a splash, you have to be willing to ask for favors. Reach out to your network and ask them to help spread the word on your new venture. This can be as simple as asking your friends to share a Facebook post with information that refers them to your page or website. Word of mouth is still important and incredibly effective.
  2. Start Where You Are
    Immediately running an expensive ad right out of the gate may not be the most effective use of your (likely) limited funds. Use the resources you do have to your advantage – especially if you’re just testing things out to see how the side hustle goes in the real world. You can do this by creating a simple, informational landing page for a small fee. Or, if you’re not looking to put any money into it right away, create an enticing email signature that explains what you do in a concise and eye-catching way. Check out these tools to create a kickin’ email signature.
  3. Gather Positive Reviews
    If you’ve performed a service or sold a product, ask your customers to write a review on the experience. Never underestimate how many potential customers read reviews before choosing where to spend their money, so this is an incredibly important asset. Once a service is completed or a product is sold, send a thank you note to your customer and kindly ask them to write a review. Be sure to provide them with links to easily drop a line on Yelp or your company’s Facebook page.
  4. Be Strategic With Social
    It’s common to think that you have to have a presence on all channels right away. Start smaller. Think about your demographic and do some research on which platforms reach that demographic most effectively. From there, put your time and energy into building a presence on one or two channels. Post consistently and engage with followers. After you’ve developed a solid following, you can then expand to other platforms.
  5. Give Paid Marketing A Shot
    Once you’ve made a dollar or two, try experimenting with some Facebook or Twitter ads. They’re relatively cheap to run and can attract people you may not have otherwise had a chance to reach out to. Again, the key is to start small and don’t get discouraged if these don’t have people knocking your door down; it may take trial and error to create the perfect ad for your hustle.
  6. Go Local
    Local newspapers and magazines are always looking for news on what local residents are doing. Send an email to your town/city’s journal or local Patch affiliate. Let them know what you’re up to, offer yourself for an interview, and give enticing information. The key is doing this in a way that your hustle is seen as beneficial to the public, and is not just an ad.

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