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The MLS – Blooper Encore!

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hearse

Usually I have to wait several weeks to accumulate enough fodder from The MLS to fill a blooper blog, but this week was exceptional. It has been a long year, and agents out there are either exceptionally tired…or exceptionally loaded. Here is the best of the week: 

Real Estate with a Twist

Proudly erect Old Gory (Try to keep it at half staff, boys.)

Polished Pig-n-groove floors (And who says you can’t dress up a pig?)

Depressed property specialist (Motto: We blame low prices on your bad childhood.)

Clotted cheese ceilings have been removed (Clotted brained agent still on duty.)

Kitchen with new farm stink (I’ll bet it has pig-n-groove floors.)

Sellers have been dislocated (Apparently Vini “The Squeeze” Gambino represented the buyers.)

House with creeping  jasmine and red shingles (A Scratch and Sniff delight.)

Cooktop with gretle (Hansel in oven)

Experienced at shot sales (That’s obvious, you lush.)

Many armenities (Upgrades for Armenians)

English Not Required Here

Entelligent design (Remedial agent.)

His and Herse sinks (For the spouse who wants to drown himself)

Well laid floor (Smiling contractor on call.)

Handrubbed basebroads – (These broads must live in the house with the “Well Laid Floor”…)

New Assfault (That sounds more deadly than the San Andreas!))

Antique travesties in public room (This must be a Nursing Home.)

Charming Mud Century home (Ark out back.)

Light screams in living room (Texas Chain Saw murderer in foyer.)

Vintage pub in bathroom (This gives new meaning to “doing shooters.”)

Abcessed lighting in romantic designer bedroom  (Lust ‘n Pus)

New sliming doors (Designer also known for her Pus House.)

Leaded gass accents (Short walk to Taco Bell.)

And This Week’s Favorite:

“This house will make you yell, Horney, stop the car!” (There’s nothing like a really HOT buyer!)

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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37 Comments

37 Comments

  1. Joe Loomer

    October 2, 2009 at 11:43 am

    “New Assfault!!!!” OMG – reminds me of my first trip to Germany while in the service and a very young man with a sick sense of humor – driving down the autobahn and seeing “Ausfahrt” at every exit. Giggled for miles – not the smart thing to do at about 100 miles an hour….

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  2. Eric Hempler

    October 2, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Good Picks

  3. Christine Rich

    October 2, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I don’t often laugh out loud, but cannot help myself when I read these posts. Thanks for posting this!

  4. Pat Curry

    October 2, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    I have tears running down my face from laughing so hard.

  5. Colin Stevens

    October 2, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Awesome way to start my Friday morning!

  6. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    Joe, your hilarious tales are enough to fill a blog forever. I am going start collecting your stories in case the MLS actually has a literate week and I run out of material. Knowing you (and all your Navy buddies), we may need to deliver a few in a brown paper cyber-wrapper.

  7. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Thanks, Eric. If you see any bloopers in your area, please send them here so we can clip ‘n’ quip.

  8. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Thanks, Christine. At the end of a long week, the laughter helps put everything in perspective, doesn’t it?

  9. Joe Loomer

    October 2, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    When stationed in Greece, I had a Navy buddy a practical joker who spoke pretty good Greek, while his wife did not. The word in Greek from bread is “psomi,” while the word for a certain – shall we say – indelicate portion of the male anatomy is quite similar – simply substitute the “m” with an “l.”

    Well my buddy, Pete, looooooved him some fresh baked bread from the local Greek bakery. So much so, in fact, that Pete was on a first-name, baby-kissing basis with the owner and his entire family.

    Pete also – however – loooooved him some wife-teasing. So he sends his wife down there to the bakery after a quick and muddled Greek lesson about how to ask for “fresh bread.” You can probably guess exactly what his poor wife actually asked for – fresh or not – when she walked in the bakery.

    Long story short – Pete’s wife was never seen outdoors again, and Pete sported some heft shiners for a good two weeks. The rest of us – Greek Baker and clan included – literally peed ourselves for hours.

    Don’t know what in the Love of God this has to do with MLS comments, but the Ausfahrt comment I made had me thinking of how transposing letters can get you in trouble….

    Navy Chief! Navy Pride! Fresh Bread for all my Filemoos! Yassu!

  10. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    I love that story, Joe – LMAF. Yes, transposing letters and misspelling can be dangerous. What if psomi were spelled psonmi? I am sure you can find that on the Greek MLS somewhere!

  11. Matthew Hardy

    October 2, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Yer a font… a reg’ler font. 😀

  12. Gwen Banta

    October 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    I’m font of you, too, Matthyeu 🙂

  13. Lesley Lambert

    October 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    Oh my gosh, that was great! LOL thanks for the giggle!

  14. stephanie crawford

    October 3, 2009 at 1:05 am

    “New Farm Stink” ha!

  15. Susie Blackmon

    October 3, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Pretty hilarious and part of the reason we have respect issues. Photography and English should be … well, nevermind.

  16. Matt Stigliano

    October 3, 2009 at 9:37 am

    Joe – Having been to Germany so many times I was being to consider switching to the all pork and beer diet, I know what you mean. I still giggle a little when I see it – and I knew what it meant the first time I went there.

    Gwen – If your MLS ever cleans up its act, it will be a sad day here at AgentGenius. Although I find myself slightly embarrassed to see the things I see thanks to you, I might lose all faith in laughter if I didn’t see them.

  17. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:24 am

    You’re welcome, Lesley. I just found some for next week that I can’t wait to share!

  18. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:25 am

    Maybe the agent hated the seller, Stephanie…

  19. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:26 am

    I agree, Susie, but at least we can have a lot of fun laughing at ourselves!

  20. Gwen Banta

    October 4, 2009 at 2:33 am

    I don’t think we’ll ever run out of material, Matt. I get a lot of submissions from all over the country these days. It seems that misspellings and Freudian slips are a national malady. Maybe it’s a general lack of sleep in our profession…or an inability to hold our licker…uh, liquor.

  21. Paula Henry

    October 6, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    After being AWOL for a bit, this made my week! I unashamedly admit – I hope agents never quit writing content for you.

  22. Gwen Banta

    October 7, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Welcome back, Paula! I’ll be in Indy next week, and you can be sure I’ll be scanning all the real estate ads in the Indianapolis Times for Hoosier Hilarity!

  23. Karen Cloke Rodriguez

    January 8, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    So funny, but so sad at the same time! I saw a blooper so bad one time that I had to print out the MLS sheet and mail it to the agent. I live in New Orleans and this listing was right after the Hurricane. She described the property as “ravished by Katrina.” I wrote her a note saying that I was sure she meant to say ravaged. And I included the Webster’s Dictionary definition of ravished, you know, just in case…

  24. Gwen Banta

    January 8, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Karen, I love that! I constantly see “dick” instead of “deck” as in “”large dick for entertaining.” It HAS to be Freudian!

  25. paula henry

    January 8, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Still funny;) Happy New Yearn Gwen!

  26. Gwen Banta

    January 8, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Thank you, dear Paula. Be sure to ‘fess up about some of your resolutions so we can all comisserate on our collective weaknesses 🙂

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Business Marketing

Tired of “link in bio”? Here is a solution for Instagram linking

(MARKETING) The days of only one link in your Instagram bio are over. Alls.Link not only lets you link more, it gives you options for marketing and analytics too.

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Woman checking Instagram on phone

If you’re like me, you’ve probably swapped out the link in your Instagram bio 100 times. Do I share my website? A link to a product? A recent publication? Well, now you don’t have to choose!

Alls.Link is a subscription-based program that allows you to, among other things, have multiple links in your bio. I’m obsessed with the Instagram add-ons that are helping business owners to expand the platform to further engage their audiences – and this is NEEDED one.

With the basic membership ($8/month), you get up to 10 customizable Biolink Pages with shortened links (and you’ll be able to choose your own backend). You also get access to Google Analytics and Facebook Pixel for your pages. With the basic membership, you will have Alls.Link advertising on your Biolink Page. Plus, you’ll be allotted a total of 10 projects, and Biolink Pages with 20 customizable domains.

With the premium membership ($15/month), you get link scheduling for product drops and article releases, SEO and UTM parameters, and you’ll have the ability to link more socials on the Biolink Page. With this membership, you’re allotted 20 projects and Biolink Pages with 60 customizable domains.

If you’re unsure about whether or not Alls.Link is worth it (or which membership is best for you), there is a free trial option in which you’ll be granted all the premium membership capabilities.

Overall – premium membership or not – I have to say, the background colors and font choices are really fun and will take your Biolink Page to the next level. Alls.Link is definitely a program to consider if your business has a substantial Insta following and you have a lot of external material you want to share with your followers.

The day-by-day statistics are a great tool for knowing what your audience is interested in and what links are getting the most clicks. Also, the ability to incorporate Google Analytics into the mix is a big plus, especially if you’re serious about metrics.

If you have a big team (or manage multiple pages), I would suggest going premium just for the sheer quantity of domains you can customize and link, though there are various other reasons I’d also suggest to do so. Take a look and see what works for you!

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Business Marketing

Use the ‘Blemish Effect’ to skyrocket your sales

(MARKETING) The Blemish Effect dictates that small, adjacent flaws in a product can make it that much more interesting—is perfection out?

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blemish effect

Presenting a product or service in its most immaculate, polished state has been the strategy for virtually all organizations, and overselling items with known flaws is a practice as old as time. According to marketing researchers, however, this approach may not be the only way to achieve optimal results due to something known as the “Blemish Effect.”

The Blemish Effect isn’t quite the inverse of the perfectionist product pitch; rather, it builds on the theory that small problems with a product or service can actually throw into relief its good qualities. For example, a small scratch on the back of an otherwise pristine iPhone might draw one’s eye to the glossy finish, while an objectively perfect housing might not be appreciated in the same way.

The same goes for mildly bad press or a customer’s pros and cons list. If someone has absolutely no complaints or desires for whatever you’re marketing, the end result can look flat and lacking in nuance. Having the slightest bit of longing associated with an aspect (or lack thereof) of your business means that you have room to grow, which can be tantalizing for the eager consumer.

A Stanford study indicates that small doses of mildly negative information may actually strengthen a consumer’s positive impression of a product or service. Interesting.

Another beneficial aspect of the Blemish Effect is that it helps consumers focus their negativity. “Too good to be true” often means exactly that, and we’re eager to criticize where possible. If your product or service has a noticeable flaw which doesn’t harm the item’s use, your audience might settle for lamenting the minor flaw and favoring the rest of the product rather than looking for problems which don’t exist.

This concept also applies to expectation management. Absent an obvious blemish, it can be all to easy for consumers to envision your product or service on an unattainable level.

When they’re invariably disappointed that their unrealistic expectations weren’t fulfilled, your reputation might take a hit, or consumers might lose interest after the initial wave.

The takeaway is that consumers trust transparency, so in describing your offering, tossing in a negative boosts the perception that you’re being honest and transparent, so a graphic artist could note that while their skills are superior and their pricing reasonable, they take their time with intricate projects. The time expectation is a potentially negative aspect of their service, but expressing anything negative improves sales as it builds trust.

It should be noted that the Blemish Effect applies to minor impairments in cosmetic or adjacent qualities, not in the product or service itself. Delivering an item which is inherently flawed won’t make anyone happy.

In an age where less truly is more, the Blemish Effect stands to dictate a new wave of honesty in marketing.

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Business Marketing

Google Chrome will no longer allow premium extensions

(MARKETING) In banning extension payments through their own platform, Google addresses a compelling, if self-created, issue on Chrome.

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Google Chrome open on a laptop on a organized desk.

Google has cracked down on various practices over the past couple of years, but their most recent target—the Google Chrome extensions store—has a few folks scratching their heads.
Over the span of the next few months, Google will phase out paid extensions completely, thus ending a bizarre and relatively negligible corner of internet economy.

This decision comes on the heels of a “temporary” ban on the publication of new premium extensions back in March. According to Engadget, all aspects of paid extension use—including free trials and in-app purchases—will be gone come February 2021.

To be clear, Google’s decision won’t prohibit extension developers from charging customers to use their products; instead, extension developers will be required to find alternative methods of requesting payment. We’ve seen this model work on a donation basis with extensions like AdBlock. But shifting to something similar on a comprehensive scale will be something else entirely.

Interestingly, Google’s angle appears to be in increasing user safety. The Verge reports that their initial suspension of paid extensions was put into place as a response to products that included “fraudulent transactions”, and Google’s subsequent responses since then have comprised more user-facing actions such as removing extensions published by different parties that accomplish replica tasks.

Review manipulation, use of hefty notifications as a part of an extension’s operation, and generally spammy techniques were also eyeballed by Google as problem points in their ongoing suspension leading up to the ban.

In banning extension payments through their own platform, Google addresses a compelling, if self-created, issue. The extension store was a relatively free market in a sense—something that, given the number of parameters being enforced as of now, is less true for the time being.

Similarly, one can only wonder about which avenues vendors will choose when seeking payment for their services in the future. It’s entirely possible that, after Google Chrome shuts down payments in February, the paid section of the extension market will crumble into oblivion, the side effects of which we can’t necessarily picture.

For now, it’s probably best to hold off on buying any premium extensions; after all, there’s at least a fighting chance that they’ll all be free come February—if we make it that far.

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