My grammar feelings have feelings too. This column is just a rant about my “Grammar Feelings.” I have an English Degree from the University of Texas, and I often hear things that grate on my every last nerve (even when I go back and read my own mindless writing).
Mistakes that I hate and demand cease in the online community at once:
*Bad: “I did good on that tour.”
*Good: “I did well on that tour.”
This is the most flagrant offense in the book- I command thee to use adverbs appropriately (bonus points for anyone who can point out the adverb in this sentence).
*Bad: “The sign was put on it’s side.”
*Good: “The sign was put on its side.”
*Bad: “Its obvious that I can’t.”
*Good: “It’s obvious that I can’t.”
When the apostrophe is present, it is used as a substitute for a letter, therefore “it’s” exclusively means “it is.”
*Bad: “I always loose my keys.”
*Good: “I always lose my keys.”
I LOVE reading this one- loose is reserved for a street walker or a big blouse.
*Bad: “I moved over their.”
*Good: “I moved over there.”
“There” refers to a location, “their” refers to something belonging to another group of people.
*Bad: “It’s you’re fault we are late.”
*Good: “It’s your fault we are late.”
This is a repetitive lesson- apostrophes are used as substitutes for letters, so “you’re” ALWAYS means “you are.”
*Bad: “I could of finished.”
*Good: “I could have finished.”
I blame this on the buck-toothed goons that have butchered the language. If you need an explanation on this, please go back to third grade, rinse and repeat.
I could go on forever! I was 15 when I corrected my then-stepmother when she said to my little brother “oh, you did so good on that!” I had never spoken back to my parents but I couldn’t take it any more- I said, “you mean ‘you did well on that.’” She was furious and I told her that I was embarrassed and did not want people to hear her and think that I come from an ignorant family. When she begged my father (who has the same grammar sensitivities) to intervene, he simply supported me by saying, “she’s right” (and that was the last time I mingled in family politics…).
New Rules & Regulations
The problem is that we are living in a virtual E-World with its own rules and regulations, all of which have become acceptable (see my UT transcript featuring a course on “Internet Ethics and the Online Evolution”- oh yeah, it’s really a class). So, Internet Users, I’ll agree to conform by typing “sup? I miss you guys ‘cuz u rock!,” as long as you all take a five minute grammar lesson, stop saying “I did good,” and STOP hurting my Grammar Feelings.
What lessons have *you* learned today? What rules aren’t included that drive you batty?