I couldn’t help but notice, that with my fashionably late arrival, there are twelve contributors on the Agent Genius mission of change and awareness. Thanks to childhood indoctrination I immediately mentally connected to the twelve disciples.
You know Matthew, Mark, Luke, John….
Oh Judas of course.
Hmmm, been a while.
Well those other six guys aren’t important I guess. (By very defintion, half the disciples were below average disciples, so I don’t feel so bad for forgetting them.)
Anyway… So I got to figure a way to stand out from the crowd. I mean, there’s a lot of us, I’m a competitive jerk and anyone with a keyboard can write a blog post. I’m gonna get disintermediated by Russian splogs any day now otherwise.
So here’s some all purpose advice for you and me. Also I suggest eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream as you read, transforming the post into Advice a la Mode. (Everything is better with ice cream)
/clears throat to give serious advice
I suppose a good tip here would be to write a book or something. Seemed to work out for Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Write it down and BAM! You’re an expert. How dumb is that. I mean use it, before it gets nerfed because everyone wrote a book.
Book = Smart about something. People seem to respond to that.
Or maybe try being the villain in the piece. Go go Judas style. No publicity is bad publicity or something. Like in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies where that English Captain guy (damned if I can remember his name sorry) says to Captain Jack Sparrow…
Cardboard Cut Out English Captain: “You’re the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of”.
and Jack says…
Captain Jack Sparrow: “Ah! But you have heard of me.”
Quite a witty come back I thought. I mean try and think of a pirate right now AND NOT THINK OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW.
<—— No Thinking!
See you can’t do it. Wow he’s good. I mean if you needed a pirate right now, who would you call? 1–800–BOOTY4U? Nope, even though he isn’t much good, you’d probably call Jack.
I’m not sure how to advise you to be a villain though. I’m a big marshmallow on the inside really and suck at the macho man stuff. Once I said to my wife..
Marshmallow Being Tough: “That’s it! I’m going out to a strip club and getting drunk!”
and she’s like..
Wife: “We need milk.”
so I’m like..
Marshmallow Being Tough: “I’ll go to Wal-Mart then, because we need kitty litter too.”
(Well we did need kitty litter and it’s cheap at Wal-Mart)
Or you could try it Peter style. Everyone loves Peter, he’s the big goofy one, but somehow seems to pull it together in the end. But yeah, being likeable and social apparently goes a long way.
I mean if you suddenly needed a disciple, you’d be like…
You Needing A Disciple: “Heck I need a disciple, but there’s twelve of them to choose from”
and the other side of your brain would be like…
Other Side of Brain: “LOL get Peter, he’s a barrel of laughs. Remember him eating all those pies for charity and hitting on Cheryl?”
So that seems like a good plan. I can’t really help you with that though, as I’m the type of guy that enjoys short walks and working on the computer too long. I had a little chuckle figuring out I was only age 25 in hexadecimal just now.
So there we have it. Write a book, act like a sexy pirate, or be lovable and fun. That will blow your sales up big time, with a 100% full refund for reading this blog post if it doesn’t pan out. (Pro Tip: Be a lovable fun sexy pirate WHO WRITES A BOOK! That’s a rich vein to mine right there free of charge. I’m just giving this stuff away, I’m in the zone and just sweating advice through my pores. If you licked me right now you’d gain 20 IQ points!)
Anyway, that all seems straight forward but time consuming, so I’ll take the easy way out.
I’ll just post everything in red. 😉
October 24, 2007 at 5:42 am
Black Bart. Popped right in without thinking. I still get your point though.
October 24, 2007 at 5:54 am
A pox on your Black Bart. 🙂
October 24, 2007 at 6:12 am
Anyway, Johnathan Miller and I have a considerable head start in pirate blogging. The rest of you will have to play the role of sprog for while if you wish to go on the account with us.
October 24, 2007 at 3:06 pm
This is almost like parable, there’s a message in there that will be broken down by scholars in decades to come. ‘A Letter from Athol to the Realtors’ 1:1-5
October 24, 2007 at 3:42 pm
AARRGGHH!! (I really like the pirate option.) Me thinks I will hornswaggle me way to thee last Supper with me Mateys, here at the Genius. But, Athol, you scallywag, dont let yer Red-Writin’-Jolly-Roger ways lead you to the plank!
October 24, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Your mind is a scary place.
October 24, 2007 at 8:57 pm
I wasn’t finished!
Thanks for inviting me in. I haven’t laughed that hard in days.
October 29, 2007 at 9:02 pm
That’s one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a while…I like the way your brain works! Thanks for the laugh.