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Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Willis? (MLS laughs)

I’ve been out of town awhile, but the MLS has not let me down in my absence. Like a confused turkey, the MLS ran amuck again with hilarious misspellings and baffling comments. Thanks to my partner, Patrick Martin, for keeping a watchful eye on the MLS, the LA Times and the L.A. Magazine ads. I also picked up a few in my travels, so I now know Los Angeles is not the only town with a spelling problem (remember Dan Quale?). Here are my faves:

Fools Rush In…

“Big spackling fool with new spa” (Big spewing fool with new listing.)

“Extra Doom upstairs” (Proudly offered by Freddy Krueger)

“Shot sale” (That’s better music to the ears than “Oh Danny Boy,” eh, Uncle Paddy?)

“Two giant oafs and an elm” (And one giant oaf at the helm…)

“Old but sturdy, some tilting” (Hmmm…sounds like Uncle Paddy…)

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…Where Wise Men Fear To Tread

“Open House. Nice. Good place for ranters” ( Hosted by Jerry Springer, I presume.)

“House really has god view” (A house in the fast lane of the 405 freeway no doubt.)

“Extra swelling in back is nice” (Cue the music: “ I like big butts and I cannot lie…”)

“Hammereod copper tub”  (A place to soak those sensitive areas with “extra swelling.”)

“Only need a horrors notice” (Thank you, Alfred Hitchcock.)

“Large driveaway with big carpart” (Future home of the Pep Boys.)

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“Guardian just planted” (My condolences…)

And Now For the Hard Sell!

“Please remove shoes – boobies provided” (Now that’s the way to sell a house!)

“Come for beverages and buffant.” (Offered by The Real Housewives of New Jersey)

“Lusting is brand new!” (Not in Hollywood, pal – we invented lust!)

Pick ‘o the Litter:

“House shlitter needed for lovely BelAir home” (I thought their shlitt didn’t smell…)

“Pool with two diving broads” (Let me guess…boobies provided?)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Lani Rosales

    May 28, 2010 at 11:37 am

    LMAO “boobies provided.” If that one didn’t get a lot of lookie lous, I don’t know what else to say!!

  2. roydevoll

    May 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    I wonder why all the interested buyers seem to all be single males? lol

  3. Bob Stahl

    May 28, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Thanks for the laughs!

  4. Gwen Banta

    May 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Thanks, Lani – it would be a great slogan for a Hollywood plastic surgeon, dont you think?

  5. Gwen Banta

    May 28, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Roy, I think that has to do with the “boobies provided”!

  6. Gwen Banta

    May 28, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Thank you, Bob!

  7. Gwen Banta

    May 28, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    Author’s Note: This blog was written and schedule on 05/24 before the unfortunate news of Gary Coleman’s hospitalization this morning. (Gary Coleman is the actor who is famous for the title quote for this blog, which is from the television show, “Different Strokes”). I considered changing the title this morning after I heard the news, but I changed my mind. Gary Coleman was a marvelous child actor, and it was his delivery of the line that made it so funny and famous. Thus, I want to keep the title in honor of his contribution to television history. I know I am not alone in wishing him a complete recovery.

    • Fred Romano

      May 28, 2010 at 9:54 pm

      You may want to update – He passed away today.

  8. Gwen Banta

    May 29, 2010 at 4:36 am

    Thanks, Fred. I’ve been on the road all day so I was unabble to comment further. I will always chuckle at the memory of his delivery of “Whatchu talkin ’bout, Willis?” It is my catch phrase for whenever I am utterly confused…which is most of the time! May he rest in peace.

  9. Joe Loomer

    May 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    RIP Gary.

    Thanks for the laughs Gwen and welcome back! My heart is lighter knowing you escaped the parking garage unscathed!

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride

  10. Gwen Banta

    May 30, 2010 at 2:46 am

    Thanks, Joe, but I just took my life in hand as I cut down Sunset Blvd on a Saturday night… on a holiday weekend no less. I must have been two bricks short of a patio. It was a death-defying stunt and not recommended for the faint of heart. I have seen calmer scenes at Italian soccer matches…

  11. Bruce Dietz

    May 30, 2010 at 8:42 am

    Thanks for keeping us posed with these MLS gaffs. They are funny and it’s good to be reminded that real estate can be fun.
    I love that line.
    RIP Gary

  12. Bruce Dietz

    May 30, 2010 at 8:42 am

    posted not posed 🙂

  13. Gwen Banta

    May 30, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    Your are so welcome, Bruce. And incidentally, I often use that line, which why I chose it as the title for the blog. I can still see that chubby little scrunched up face delivering that line with such committment!

  14. Roscoe Properties

    June 4, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Thank you for keeping it light and hilarious! A+ post. Very well done.

  15. Gwen Banta

    June 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    @ Roscoe Properties: Thank YOU, and be sure to read today’s blog on AG for more humor to start your weekend.

  16. Doug Francis

    July 1, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    I just came across, “GREAT PRICE!!!. New fregeratot”… which I think is code for refrigerator.

  17. Gwen Banta

    July 1, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Hmmmm…”fregeratot” – that must slang for Friggin Tater Tot.

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