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4 ways to earn more respect in any group (personal OR professional)

(EDITORIAL) In this world of high velocity and high volume, finding ways to get people to see things your way and rally with you is difficult, but not impossible.

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We’re all being smothered by false standards. Hoards of voices tell men to be “more assertive” and “take control,” while letting women know that their ticket to getting things done is to “smile more” and “be approachable.”

As entrepreneurs, we are really looking for the answer to one simple question: How can I make it happen?

We want to know how to make the dream work, and how to get people to rally behind us to lead our projects to success.

We are looking for actionable, specific advice that we can take NOW – not lofty, vague ideas that hide under the guise of “psychology hacks” (what does “be more alpha” really mean anyway!?).

The thing is, topics like charisma and influence are often made much more challenging than necessary. At the end of the day, social interactions are governed by one simple rule:

A group, is a group, is a group.

People like Tony Robbins and Tim Ferriss are able to teach the concepts of influence and leadership to a mass audience because all groups are controlled by a few key fundamental principles. Gaining an understanding of these principles allows you to gain respect and influence in any group you would like, and use that respect and influence to organize and guide people toward your goals.

Whether you are looking to inspire more prospects to convert to customers, want to create more cohesion amongst your team in the pursuit of your vision, or simply want to network more effectively, there are overarching themes that are sure to add a strong boost in the effectiveness of your actions as an entrepreneur.

And beyond all else, this is the most important one of all:

Look for what people want, and give it to them.

People join groups because it provides them the ability to have experiences they may not otherwise get to have. That said, everyone in the group is looking to the group to provide them with something. People may join a friend group in order to have fun and talk to people about the things they want to talk about, while people may join a specific career path for financial gain.

Now this all seems rather obvious, but where people tend to make mistakes is that they forget that everyone in the group has a specific motivation for being there. If you do not appeal to someone’s reason for being in the group, they will not see you as a valuable contributor to the group, and may treat you poorly as consequence.

If someone in a your friend group wants to have fun, and they do not see you as someone who can provide them with fun experiences, they will be neutral towards you at best. If they find it fun to see your reaction to their disrespect, but don’t see any other way to have fun with you, they might even be openly hostile toward you.

Likewise, if a coworker sees you as someone who is going to make their job more difficult, and you are not in a position of power over them, they are going to see you an unnecessary source of pain, and may mistreat you as a result.

As an example, let’s say that in a project you are running, there is a web designer in your group, Anna, who takes every opportunity she can to undercut your authority and make you appear incompetent in front of the others. There isn’t any outside tension (such as a conflicting friendship or sexual desire), and seeing as this is your project and she doesn’t have any stake, there is no angle for her to practically assume control of the project, so you just can’t understand why she has decided to make you the target of her tirades. You just chalk it up to being a big ego.

“Are you sure THAT’s the message you want to go to market with? I mean, I’ll put whatever you want on the webpage, I guess.”

“Why do you think it’s so important that we have the supply chain ironed out when we haven’t done any market testing yet? Are you trying to make this fail?”

Of course, every time she openly questions your decisions, the others on the team start to buy into her campaign against you. Lately, others on your team even follow suit, and question your decisions even when she isn’t in the meeting. While leading this project has now become an incredible pain, as everyday you face a volley of questions and dubious team members, this is your BABY, and you know it has serious potential to be something big once you get it to market, so what are you to do?

At this point, I’m sure any reader with an “alpha” mentality is thinking to themselves: “Well, why would you even put up that? Just drop her and hire someone else.”

While I can see that logic, it’s a short-sighted response, and it doesn’t cover all the bases.

What about a situation where you don’t have any other options, because her skillset is in the exact niche you need and it would be hard to find an adequate replacement? What about the blowback from the rest of your team if they see that you fired someone for speaking out? If they have truly vital insights that may save you from going the wrong direction, they may feel that they now need to keep their mouth shut while you plow your way to failure. How do you know that the others would stop questioning you after you fired her? If they are already questioning you on their own now, they already have strong enough doubts in you that her presence is no longer necessary to stoke the fire.

If this designer and her need to question you at every turn is the thing that is holding you back from getting taken more seriously by the group, then there is a much easier way to go about it.

Don’t ask: Why does Anna think she knows everything better than I do?

You need to remove the focus from yourself.

Ask this instead: What does Anna have to gain by attacking me?

When you look at it this way, you can see that Anna’s motivation to question you does not stem from the actual doubt of your decision making ability, but rather from the attention she gets from the others in the group when she does. In fact, when you look a little closer, you may realize that if Anna isn’t questioning your actions, the others on your team don’t give her opinions on anything much consideration.

As a web designer, Anna is often at the bottom of the food chain when it comes to business ventures. But she is an entrepreneur too. She wants to do big things. She wants her voice to heard, and her thoughts to have weight. Questioning you is just the easiest way to be heard.

So how do you make her stop? You give her the voice and consideration that she wants. When there is a meeting about the status of the project, and the team is deciding on next steps and priorities, ask her for her opinion and make sure people listen to it. Ask her to share her thoughts on the different parts of the business in a 1-on-1 setting, and give her thoughts ample consideration before deciding whether they hold merit. Comment on her good work in front of the group and make sure she knows how much you value her input to team, and how vital she is to the project’s success.

Show her that you hear her.

Yes, if you believe that web designers DO belong at the bottom of the food chain, this is going to be hard to do. It’s going to be especially hard when she has directly attacked your authority (and ego) in front of the team time and time again. And yes, when you first start to do it, Anna will likely think you are being condescending and simply try to attack your ideas and authority even harder.

However, once she sees that you are able to give her what she wants, she won’t feel the need to question you anymore. In fact, since you are one of the only people in the group who are giving her the attention and respect she wants, she may even start to DEFEND you when other people try to jump on your case.

If you aren’t getting the respect you feel you deserve in a group, figure out what people want, and find a way to give it to them. When you do, they will see that you make a much better ally than you do an adversary, and will look to you to help them achieve their group goals, elevating you to a level of more respect and leadership in the process.

When it comes down to it, it’s street-level knowledge: you have to help others to help yourself.

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Opinion Editorials

AT&T hit with age discrimination lawsuit over using the word “tenured”

(EDITORIAL) 78% of workers are victims of age discrimination. As awareness arises, lawsuits show what may constitute discrimination, including verbiage.

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Older man at cafe representing age discrimination

According to the AARP, 78% of older workers have seen or experienced age discrimination in the workplace. As awareness of ageism increases, lawsuits that allege age bias can help employers understand what constitutes discrimination. A recent case from the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit, Smith v. AT&T Mobility Services, L.L.C., No. 21-20366 (5th Cir. May 17, 2022), should give employers pause about using other words that could potentially be a euphemism for “older worker.”

What the lawsuit was about

Smith, a customer service representative at AT&T, alleged that he was denied a promotion because of his age. His manager told him that she was not going to hire any tenured employees. The manager wanted innovative employees in the management positions. Smith took this to mean that he was being denied the promotion because of his age. He sued under the Age Discrimination in Employment Act and Texas law.

The district court found that Smith failed to exhaust his administrative remedies as to one claim and failed to establish a prima facie case of discrimination as to the other two claims. Smith appealed. The Appellate court affirmed the district court’s decision, but they did say it was “close.” AT&T did not discriminate against Smith by using the word tenured, because there were other employees of the same age as Smith who were promoted to customer service management positions.

Be aware of the verbiage used to speak to employees

This case is another example of how careful employers need to be about age discrimination, not only in job postings. It’s imperative to train managers about the vagaries of ageism in the workplace to avoid a costly lawsuit. Even though AT&T prevailed, the company still had a pretty hefty legal tab. Don’t try to get around the ADEA by using terminology that could screen out older workers, such as “digital native,” or “recent college grad.” Remind employees and managers about ageism. Document everything. Pay attention to other cases about age discrimination, such as the iTutor case or this case about retirement-driven talk. You may not be able to prevent an employee from feeling discriminated against, but you can certainly protect your business by doing what you can to avoid ageism.

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Opinion Editorials

Writing with pen and paper may mean your smarter than your digital peers

(EDITORIAL) Can writing old fashioned make you smarter? Once considered and art form, handwriting is becoming a thing of the past, but should it be?

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Writing on paper job titles.

When I was in college, in 2002, laptops weren’t really commonplace yet. Most students took notes by writing with pen and paper. Today, most students take notes with laptops, tablets, cell phones, or other electronic devices. The days of pen and paper seem to be fading. Some students even wait until the end of class and use their cell phones to take a picture of the whiteboard, so in effect, they are not absorbing any of the information because they “can just take a picture of it and look at it later.”

Is it easier to take notes on an electronic device? I think that largely depends on preference. I type faster than I write, but I still prefer to take notes on paper.

According to researchers at Princeton University and the University of California, Los Angeles, students who take handwritten notes generally outperform students who typed them.

Writing notes help students learn better, retain information longer, and more readily grasp new ideas, according to experiments by other researchers who also compared note-taking techniques.

While most students can type faster than they write, this advantage is short-term. As the WSJ points out, “after just 24 hours, the computer note takers typically forgot material they’ve transcribed, several studies said. Nor were their copious notes much help in refreshing their memory because they were so superficial.” So while it may take a bit longer to capture the notes by hand, more likely than not, you will retain the information longer if you put pen to paper.

As I teach English Composition at the University of Oklahoma, I would also like to say that while I find this to be true for myself, every student has a different learning style. Typed notes are much better than no notes at all. Some students detest writing by hand and I understand that. Everything in our world has gone digital from phones to cable television so it makes sense, even if I don’t like it, that students gravitate more towards electronic note taking than pen and paper.

While I would like to see more students take notes by hand, I certainly won’t require it. Some students are navigating learning disabilities, anxieties, and other impediments that make taking notes digitally more advantageous.

I imagine the same is true for other areas as well: instead of typing meeting notes, what would happen if you wrote them by hand? Would you retain the information longer? Perhaps, and perhaps not; again, I think this depends on your individual learning style.

I would like to suggest that if you are one of the more “electronically-minded” writers, use a flashcard app, or other studying tool to help you review your classroom notes or meeting notes to make them “stick” a bit better. While I find this type of research intriguing, if you enjoy taking your notes electronically, I wouldn’t change my method based on this.

If it’s working for you, keep doing it. Don’t mind me, I’ll be over here, writing everything down with pen and paper.

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Opinion Editorials

5 reasons using a VPN is more important now than ever

(EDITORIAL) Virtual private networks (VPN), have always been valuable, but now, more than ever, entrepreneurs and businesses really should have them.

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VPN

Virtual private networks (VPN), have always been valuable, but some recent developments in technology, laws, and politics are making them even more important for entrepreneurs and businesses.

A VPN serves as an intermediary layer of anonymity and security between your computer and your internet connection. Your Wi-Fi signal is a radio wave that can ordinarily be intercepted, so any data you transmit back and forth could be taken and abused by interested parties. VPNs act as a kind of middleman, encrypting the data you transmit and protecting you from those prying eyes.

Top10BestVPN.com offers a selection of some of the best-reviewed VPN services on the market; there you can see the different approaches to security and anonymity that different brands take, and get a feel for the price points that are available. But why is it that VPNs are becoming even more important for business owners and entrepreneurs?

These are just five of the emerging influencers in the increasing importance of VPNs:

1. The rise of IoT. The Internet of Things (IoT) is already taking off, with a predicted 8.4 billion devices will be connected to the internet by the end of the year. All those extra connections mean extra points of vulnerability; hackers are skilled at finding tiny entry points, so every new channel you open up on your Wi-Fi connection is another opportunity they could potentially exploit. Using a VPN won’t make your network completely hack-proof—user errors, like giving your password away in a phishing scam, are still a potential threat—but VPNs will make your network more secure than it was before.

2. The popularity of ransomware. Ransomware is growing in popularity, seizing control of devices, sometimes for weeks or months before activating, then holding the device “hostage,” and demanding payment in exchange for releasing the files that are stored on it. These attacks are fast and efficient, making them ideal for hackers to use against small businesses. Again, using a VPN won’t make you immune from these types of attacks, but they will make you harder to target—and hackers tend to opt for the path of least resistance.

3. The escalation of attacks on small businesses. Speaking of small businesses, they happen to be some of the most frequent targets of cybercriminals. About 43 percent of all cyberattacks target small businesses, in part because they have fewer technological defenses but still have valuable assets. Protecting yourself from cyberattacks is a must if you want your business to survive.

4. Political attacks on net neutrality. Politicians have recently attempted to attack and eliminate net neutrality, which is the long-standing guarantee that internet providers can’t violate user privacy by collecting and/or reporting on certain types of data, and can’t create “slow lanes” that throttle certain types of traffic. If net neutrality is abolished, you could face slower internet traffic and decreased privacy on the web. A VPN could, in theory, protect you from these effects. First, your web traffic would be anonymized, so internet providers couldn’t gather as much data on you as other customers. Second, you’ll be routed through a private VPN server, which could help you get around some of the speed throttling you might otherwise see. It’s uncertain whether net neutrality will ultimately fall, but if it does, you’ll want a VPN in place to protect you.

5. The affordability and diversity of VPNs available. Finally, it’s worth considering that VPNs are more affordable and more available than ever before. There are specific VPNs for all manner of businesses and individuals, and they’re all reasonably affordable. Inexpensive options can be yours for as little as a few dollars per month, and more robust, secure options are still affordable, even for frugal businesses. If you try a VPN provider you don’t like, you can always cancel and switch to another provider. This availability makes it easier to find exactly what you need.

If you’ve never used a VPN before and you’re confused, try not to be intimidated. VPNs sound complex, but connecting to one is a simple login process you can use on practically any device. The hardest part is choosing a reliable provider that suits your business’s need. With the influx of coming changes, it’s a good idea to get your VPN in place sooner rather than later.

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