Part One is here where our writer authorizes “Operation Survive The Storm”.
I’m waist deep in email alerts for nursing jobs available. The irony is I’ve been writing for a year how real estate has been completely changed because of the Internet, and how newspaper advertising is basically worthless. Yet I’m actually taken by surprise at how much looking for a job has changed since I last looked for one. Thankfully my wife explains it all to me in three simple words…
I’ve got an online resume set up on Pongo Resume and spend a half day sifting through Career Builder .com. Then just fax my resume through Pongo Resume to whoever is the contact person. No newspaper, all sitting comfy in the living room in front of the computer. This might just disintermediate the unemployed.
I send ten resumes out for starters and over the next 2–3 days I get about 5 return calls. I very much like the first one that calls back as it’s the Director of Nurses (DNS) herself rather than an HR flunky. We set an interview time for a couple days later.
Then the office top producer calls me because she’s heading out on vacation. I had agreed a month earlier to cover her email, now the day before she’s leaving she’s begging me to also cover all the showing feedback follow up. I’ve done this before, and it’s hunting down buyer agents, and then smoozing with the sellers to calm them down or whatever. This seems to take 30–40 minutes a day to actually do, but it’s phone tag spread out over 4–5 hours sometimes.
I’m NOT keen on doing it, I don’t like being cornered into this, but grrrrr I’ll do it.
Nursing interview rolls around, I like the DNS a lot, she likes me (I am so adorable!) the place seems okay. Hiring seems 50/50 though as I’ve done nothing but group home work as a nurse and been out of the nursing loop for over a year, and this is Sub-Acute and Long Term Care. Also I said, um… some very honest things… before I quit my last nursing job and now the people I said them about will get sent the interview reference forms.
Fluffy Bunnies, why was I honest. That’s a stupid policy.
Anyway, I go out in faith and buy new scrubs, shiny white sneakers and locate my drug book. I don’t read it, just locate it. Uh oh…. CPR card expired too… need a course and pronto. FYI to American Heart Association your websites are all horrible to find CPR course information from national to every local branch. Just start over kktx.
Oh got one – Bristol Hospital – ring ring – next Saturday. Awesome. Phew.
Ring ring, I get the job at 16 hours a week (they always seem to start like that, foot in the door etc) and whatever per diem that pops open. I need to come in and orientate etc etc, Monday morning. Yay! I orientate Monday and get a whole weeks worth of shifts assigned to me. Excitedly I say yes, it’s money, which is another way of saying “it’s MUN-eee”.
I drive back home with a full calendar. Though with a sickening feeling that I’m also covering for the top producer. And the snow. The snow is coming. The evening news is ripe with the Mid-West getting reamed by snow and ice. That storm is coming to Connecticut. And a second storm is following that – an ice storm to boot.
I’ve got young kids, a working wife (she’s great) a full day CPR class, two harsh snow storms, 40 hours of nursing plus maybe getting locked in for who knows how long and I’m pretending to be the office top producer all happening at once. Something has to give because there ain’t no way I can do all this.
So I give up. I tickle and play fight the kids for ages. Then take a bath.
Like magic the CPR class slips in between the two snow storms. I do have a horrible four hour commute home one day, but no lock-ins. The kids get a snow day on my wife’s work from home day. The ice arrives on the one day this week I’m not working at the Health Center. And as to covering for the top producer, during the two weeks I covered…
…she hasn’t had a single showing.
“House on coroner” and other deadly marketing typos
Realtors that don’t proof read their property descriptions in the MLS inevitably end up in the hall of shame here at AGBeat. We hand pick these bloopers in hope that you will be inspired to check yourself before you go and wreck yourself.
Hi Friends – it’s blooper day, and I found some hilarious gaffes on the MLS this week. I think I finally figured out why we consistently see such errors – agents are letting their pets write their listing remarks. On the other hand, I suspect that my dog can spell better than some of these culprits, so I may be casting unfair aspersions. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles for the Blooper of the Week (she hit the mother lode with that one).
Is There A Pulse?
“2 beds uhg” (Me Tarzan, you dummy.)
“Big barths” (Yeah, that usually accompanies a bad hangover…)
“No balls after 9 pm” (My ex had the same problem.)
“House will shit all buyers” (Hence the corn particles in the front yard?)
“Sorry – already bought” (Sign taped to back of seats in the House Chamber.)
Can You Detect A Heartbeat?
“Stay toned for open house schedule” (Man, L.A. sure is a tough market!)
“View from top of hell” (Graffiti on the wall in the Oval office john. )
“Just needs lifts” (…said Tom Cruise’s agent to his producer.)
“Pool chub” (Caption under a photo of me in my bathing suit at the office BBQ.)
“House on coroner” (How convenient – he’s already there to pronounce himself dead.)
Pull The Plug
“Coop for sale” (Oh, is Foster Farms going out of business?)
“Drop in sot” (I see you’ve met the guys who play poker with Uncle Paddy.)
“Coy fish in big pond” (Where are the gregarious fish – in the kegger pond?)
“Big water fault in back” (That’s called a tsunami, and if I were you, I’d run like hell!)
“Bright, Quite garden condo. like home 3bads and 2 full bath, fire place3 tend-om parking, incloding refrigcrater” (Take the fork out of the socket and then remove your aluminum foil hat, because your hair is on fire…as is your career.)
“Breakfast hook” – More MLS hoots and hang-ups
Well friends, this is my last blooper post of the year, and I still have not run out of material. I don’t know whether to thank these hapless agents or to flog them. At the very least, Perhaps I should commend them for sending us off into 2012 with a lot of laughter. Enjoy these bloopers, and have a Happy New Year everyone!
For Those With Hang-Ups
“Kitch with breakfast hook” (Heehaw – hook ’em, book ’em and cook ’em!)
“Indescribable wildlift” (How are those diet pills workin’ out for ya, sweetie?)
“Bif gym fully equipped” (Who’s more fully equipped – Bif or the gym?)
“Brig bonus by New Year’s day” (Yay – a prison party – at last I’ll find a date!)
“Pets wilcome” (Ahhh, a veternarian’s Field of Dreams.)
From Those Who Should Be Hanged
“Christmas crab bag” (I think there’s an ointment for that.)
“Big troy drive” (Big Troy talk like Neanderthal.)
“Nice entertainment arena” (Proudly offered by Ringling Brothers Realty.)
“Fully rehabilitated upper level” (Let me guess – “Twelve Steps” to get there?)
“Breakfat room” (Lapband, anyone?)
“Come to holiday patty” (This is Hollywood, pal – if you pay Patty, she’ll come to you.)
“Enjoy the egg nod” (That explains how your head slammed into the keyboard.)
Can You Hang Somebody Twice?
“Celebrity hose” (Who did they belong to – J. Edgar Hoover?)
“You’ll like dip in pool” (I will if he’s cute and buys me dinner…)
“Ned addition” (Is Ned the dip floating in the pool?)
“Hug play area” (Ned again?)
“Please ignore big hole in yard” (Should I also ignore the casket with the dead flowers?)
And The 2011 Dufis Award Goes To…
“Buyers will flock like bees to hiney” (Okay, let me first stop laughing long enough to pen a smart-mouth comment. …Oh hell, I can’t….this is killing me…seriously, this has me on the floor, folks. Okay, let’s try again: “Buyers will flock like bees to hiney.” I’m sorry, I just can’t top that one other than to say:
“They must know an ass when they see one!”
“House has spark” – burning up the MLS with typos and other bloopers
The year is starting a march toward its natural ending, friends…and it seems a few real estate careers may be also. This week I found some real head-scratchers in local real estate ads and the MLS. However, I get submissions from all over the U.S., so no one is safe from the eyes of the Blooper Scooper. Check out these blunders:
Do You Smell Smoke?
“House has spark” (Apparently your real estate career isn’t the only thing going up in smoke.)
“Big pep area in kitchen” (Is that the cookie jar where Mommy Dearest stashes her uppers?)
“Dull Viking ovens” (Methinks there’s something in the cookie jar that will perk up those dull Vikings.)
“Large greenhose in back” (Large, naked Jolly Green Giant in yard.)
“Mush added to this house” (Was that the overflow from between your ears?)
I Think I See Flames
“Beautifully remolded guest” (Another cosmetically-altered Barbie hits the Hollywood party circuit.)
“Enjoy a drink poolslide” ( Hell, if the pool is sliding, I’ll need a whole pint of Jack.)
“Each bedroom has own bedrooom” (Hello-o-o, Alice, how are things down there in the rabbit hole?)
“Separate pod to build GH” (That should please my pea-sized buyers.)
“Play room for the kiss” (Something tells me this is the back seat of a ’67 Chevy.)
“Ideal for gusts” (That’s great…if you want to live in a wind sock.)
“Impaccably detailed” (Incredibly challenged)
“Stylish pewder room” (Try burning a match.)
“Stone pillars flake driveway” (Flakey agent got stoned in driveway.)
Nothing But Embers (This Week’s Fave):
“From a bygone error” (You have just written your own epitaph.)
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