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vik3Although we have already visited this topic, friends, it just keeps getting better. The MLS, and local ads in The L.A. Times,  are still full of creative spelling that taxes the imagination…and often sends me into fits of hysteria. Here are a few to start out your holiday weekend with a bong…uh, “bang”:

Behold the Brain Dead:

Jane Eyre cook top (For literary chefs: Read ‘n’ Feed)

Pornable kitchen island (In case the bedroom gets boring)

Includes Art Stud (Art, my number is 1-800-CALLNOW)

Hand maid – built well (Call Gretchen for a good time.)

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Bakers wrack (Kitchen of King Henry XIII, no doubt.)

Maids with bedroom excess (Apparently the pornable kitchen islands aren’t enough for the little wenches.)

Newly laid stoned pat (Just say no, Pat.)

What a Difference a Letter Makes!

Alarmed, secure, privates (Complete with sprinkler, it seems.)

Orffice off bedroom (Too easy – let’s not go there!)

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Owner taking owen (Fine – take Owen, but leave Art.)

Murphy in bedroom stays (Murphy’s wife and her lover, Owen, taking pornable kitchen island)

Hand rubbed Flor (She must know Art.)

Situated in a convent location (Confessions given in lieu of disclosures?)

Call re escrow & tit info (They’ll keep you abreast.)

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Tongue in Groove floors (That’s gotta hurt!)

The Grand Finale:

Waynescoat (America’s answer to London Fog)

Add’n done by decorator – expert in bedrooms (I’ll bet she designed the Orffice, too.)

Fung Sway in bedroom (Jackie Chan in getaway car.)

House with drop dead Views (Agent with killer instincts)

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Gyn attached (Unless you’d prefer a proctologist)

Jetlime views (Agent on acid trip)

House near Point Doom (Property offered by Grim Reaper)

Great for horses with multiple tails  (This agent is a horse’s a_ _.)

And My Favorites:

Kitchen with Vikings (Bedroom with Huns)

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Security system with multiple defectors. (Made in China)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Jill Wente

    September 4, 2009 at 10:29 am


    All excellent examples of the importance of correct spelling. One of my favorites from our local MLS is “kitchen has 2 panties”. No additional details on the size or color.

  2. John Kalinowski

    September 4, 2009 at 11:03 am

    Gwen, you are sooooo funny! I love these lists – keep them coming, please, though I laugh so hard every time I may not survive the next one!!

  3. Joe Loomer

    September 4, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    OMG Gwen – thanks for a great post on my BIRTHDAY!

    Saw this gem just last week:

    “Privacy fence with dick in the back”

    Obviously, thought of you when I saw it ;).

    Navy Chief, Navy Pride!

  4. Ken Brand

    September 4, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Thank GOD there is no spell/grammar check for comments and mls stuff, life would dim considerably. Fantabulous post. Thanks for the cheers.

  5. Gwen Banta

    September 4, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    Thanks, Jill – I have seen that mistake several times myself. And the word I see misspelled most often is: “separate.” I think we just make it up as we go – it’s spelling anarchy!

  6. Gwen Banta

    September 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Who every thought the MLS could be better than the Sunday comics, John. Next up:”MLS, The Movie”…

  7. Gwen Banta

    September 4, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOE!!! Perhaps “privacy fence with dick in back” is a euphemism for Fruit of the Looms…

  8. Gwen Banta

    September 4, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Thank you, Ken. The sad part is that our MLS actually does have a spellcheck. But one must have an IQ above 60 to use it… Have a great weekend!

  9. Matthew Hardy

    September 4, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Blog-induced blushing…

    (uh… Art said he called 1-800-CALLNOW and you dint answer…. back to The Blues Brothers…)

  10. Leif Swanson

    September 4, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    One of my favorite misspellings was:
    souring cellings (for soaring ceilings)

    Another one is clear story windows for clerestory windows.

  11. Gwen Banta

    September 4, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Tell Art I was “on a mission from God” with Jake and Elwood and the band 🙂

  12. Sal Antsipenka

    September 5, 2009 at 1:21 am

    MLS can hardly compare to Furniture industry in euphemisms. I was looking for a nearby furniture store phone number in Yellow pages and here I see:

    Top entry – furniture store: Badcock

    Entry below – woodworking place: Eagerbeaver

  13. Atlanta Real Estate

    September 5, 2009 at 10:02 am

    Gwen, thos are great! Nice Saturday morning laugh.

    Our Atlanta area MLS has no spell check so we get all that entertainment as well.

    Also, it has various shorcomings. I recently had a client that insisted on a upstairs laundry room. Here’s what our MLS says about laundry rooms:

    LAUNDRY: Yes/No


    So helpful. So I have to call every listing agent and play phone tag forever, just to find out where the laundry is.


  14. Missy Caulk

    September 8, 2009 at 9:15 am

    Crackin’ up, our MLS doesn’t have spell check either so I have fresh eyes look.

  15. Gwen Banta

    September 9, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    Thanks for your contribution, Leif. I something similar: clarastory windows. So who is Clara and what’s her story?

  16. Gwen Banta

    September 9, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    Sal – I can only conclude that Eager Beaver is married to Mr. Badcock.

  17. Gwen Banta

    September 9, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Thanks for passing this along, Dan and Bridget – please enjoy.

  18. Gwen Banta

    September 9, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Hi RM – One of my clients once saw a listing that said “Laundry area separate” and asked if that meant she would have to pay extra.

  19. Gwen Banta

    September 9, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Send me anything you find, Missy. I just saw another this week: “mother-in-laws needs new plumbing.”

  20. Atlanta Real Estate

    September 9, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Gwen – yikes – RM

  21. Gwen Banta

    September 10, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Hey Everyone – This just in: “Build your dream house next to the Hollywood Bowel” (A great location in case of evacuation 🙂

  22. Atlanta Real Estate

    September 10, 2009 at 2:19 pm


  23. Gwen Banta

    April 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Thanks for the pingback, Phoenix!

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