Silly
Social Media Spouse Support Group
Yes you heard right – there’s a new support group for social media spouses. You know you you are – the anti-digital kind that just don’t get it. You cringe at the site of an iPhone or crackberry, you try to set rules and boundaries for computer time – you want your spouse back and feel you are second place to the social media phenomenon.
Here’s your chance to get together with like minded individuals who understand you. Meetings will occur at obscure locations with no Internet access, no cell phone signal, and no means of communication.
We will announce monthly meetings the old fashioned way – check bulletin boards at your grocery stores. There is power in numbers and we refuse for this digital society to take over our lives! We were doing just fine without technology – thank you very much!
call 1-800- SMsucks today to get a copy of your local schedule mailed to you (on real paper! the letter-in-envelope old fashion snail mail way)
Topics that will be discussed:
- setting strict schedules for your loved ones to stay off digital devices
- setting strict rules about when to answer cell phones no matter how critical those may be
- eye contact exercises to help bring them back into society
- social exercises to reincorporate real, live, local friends into your lives
- understanding that computer friends are NOT real – getting ready for psychiatric intervention
- understanding that tweet ups and bar camps with computer personalities represent temporary bouts of insanity
- Google is not God – how to bring back paper books and encyclopedias
- twitter is evil
- ”touch” is more than just for the keyboard
- how to communicate in short, concise sentences of 140 characters or less
**we are also open to suggestions for our curriculum, feel free to write us (type-written letters will be filed in the garbage bin) **
“Social Media Spouses…..KEEPING IT REAL”
Have you ever had a buyer that was so enthusiastic about their potential home that they have a list a mile long of requirements? The front door must face east, the windows must be Pella brand, the carpet must be cut pile berber, it must be within two lots of a fire hydrant, needs to have wooden rods in the closet, not metal and of course the exterior paint must be barn red.
You already know what home they need and will love based on their actual needs and you’re going to show them that house, but in the meantime you may end up feeling a bit like the character in this video that is just so funny, we can all relate to (whether about a buyer or otherwise):
Can you relate? Maybe in a former career or if you’re one of our readers that is a designer first and foremost?
This week I actually got hungry reading the MLS and the LA Times real estate ads. Check out these bloopers so you can see what’s currently on the menu. I must warn you, you may want to hit the sauce and trim the fat:
I’m In the Mood For Food
“This hame is well stocked.” (Thank you, Porky Pig.)
“Hear is the glolden egg!” (…Which apparently comes scrambled.)
“Counter w/ new pop and fresh” ( Fat little dough boy included.)
“This one has alla the gravy” (Said Carmella Soprano as she proudly served her baked ziti.)
“You’ll marble when you see this beauty” (Bummer. At least Lot’s wife got to be a condiment.)
“We hamdle REOs” (That’s one way to bring home the bacon.)
Ham Fingers…So The Pork Lingers
“Small pad w/ view of peer” (Why go home when you can sleep at the office?)
“This is not a TIC” (…said Jeff Goldblum’s hands.)
“This pad in the Hollywood Hills is phat.” (So is your head, Biggie Smalls.)
“Cabinets w/ polished mental inserts” (Listing w/ punch drunk mental idiot.)
“This is a Short Shale” (Say that five times really fast.)
Is It Happy hour Yet?
“Just done finished floored” (Bottle done, finished agent on floor.)
“Cork floors in bar aria” (Methinks the cork was popped several drinks ago.)
“Stunning hammerred doors” (Offered by stumbling hammered dufus.)
“This condonimiun has all the trimmins” (Sauced agent has the tremorrrrs.)
SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE – THE FINALE!
“Bask in the warm sin by the pool” (Yay – party at Charlie Sheen’s pad!)
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Brian Block
June 8, 2009 at 8:52 am
I think my wife would like to sign up for this!
Actually, we enjoyed spending the better part of this past weekend together sans social media.
Ben Goheen
June 8, 2009 at 9:10 am
Awesome! I’ll forward this to my wife but she doesn’t read blogs either. BTW – that phone number actually works, maybe it should be changed it to 555- something.
Ines Hegedus-Garcia
June 8, 2009 at 9:14 am
that phone number works??? Get OUT!! LOL
Ohdoctah
June 8, 2009 at 9:18 am
It’s sad that this group has to meet thru an online connection!!! lol I think it’s time to hit the streets!! We can stop social media together!! =o)
Owen
Joe Loomer
June 8, 2009 at 9:20 am
Trust Ben to try the number out! At least it didn’t start with “1-900..” hate to se how THAT would have turned out – Ben wouldn’t have come back to comment for hours!
Would you mind – for my wife’s sake – scheduling all the meetings to last at least four hours and coincide with every Steelers football game this upcoming season? Thanks Ines!
Navy Chief, Navy Pride
Ines Hegedus-Garcia
June 8, 2009 at 10:44 am
@Ohdoctah in da’ haus!! the group needs to originate on line because ironically, it takes someone with social media knowledge to get it going !! LOL
Lesley Lambert
June 8, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Ines, this is too funny! My ex husband would have joined this group in two seconds, only now he is using social media, too!
Ines Hegedus-Garcia
June 8, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Lesley….and maybe…..just maybe…..he wouldn’t be an “ex” if would have joined! 😀 (just kidding)
Derek Massey
June 8, 2009 at 1:42 pm
My wife loved this. Not sure she’s entirely eligible for the group (she emails and texts), but she’d likely benefit from knowing there are others who feel her pain.
Nice job, Ines!
Andy Kaufman
June 8, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Envisioning the President of SMS Ucks shaking his head & wondering why everybody suddenly decided to start calling.
Ines Hegedus-Garcia
June 8, 2009 at 7:10 pm
just call me an instigator Andy (mua ha ha ha ha) – Rick did not like this post btw
Missy Caulk
June 8, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Life is funny, my husband was the internet geek for years. Now he teaches, so doesn’t have time. We joke about how I used to complain all the time about how much he was online.
Now the tables have turned…
Carson
June 9, 2009 at 12:11 pm
What a good way to get them to go away for a few hours so we can finally get some virtual socializing done.
ines
June 9, 2009 at 3:02 pm
OMG Carson, best comment yet – and to think that we conjured this whole concept up with very ulterior motives MUAhahahahaha!
Linsey Planeta
June 9, 2009 at 11:00 pm
Hilarious.
My husband is clearly a candidate. I clench my teeth every time he to refers to ‘Twitter’ as ‘Tweeter’.
ines
June 9, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Linsey – that got a huge belly laugh and snort out of me 🙂
Louise Scoggins
June 10, 2009 at 3:03 pm
LOL!!!
I particularly like “eye contact exercises to help bring them back into society”
Hilarious!!