Quarantining, sheltering in place, staying home. We’re tired of hearing it; we’re tired of doing it. Yet, it’s what we still need to be doing to stay safe for a while longer. All of this can be lonesome. As the days turn into weeks and weeks into months, the alone time is getting to even the most introverted among us.
Solitary confinement is considered one of the most psychologically damaging punishments a human can endure. The New Yorker reported on this in a 1992 study of prisoners in detention camps in the former Yugoslavia, as well as Vietnam veterans who experienced isolation. These studies showed that prisoners who had experienced solitary confinement demonstrated similar brain activity to those who’d suffered a severe head injury, noting that “Without sustained social interaction, the human brain may become as impaired as one that has incurred a traumatic injury.”
We aren’t meant to be solitary creatures. Your “pandemic brain” is real. That fogginess, the lack of productivity, can be attributed to many things, including anxiety, but being kept apart from other humans is a big part of it too. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace, and join others virtually. Be it an app, a class, a Facebook group, a chat room, or a livestream, someone somewhere is out there waiting to connect with you too.
The good news? We are lucky enough to live in an era of near limitless ways to interact socially online. Sure, it is different, but it is something. It’s important. The best thing about this type of social interaction is being able to hone in on your specific interests, though I’d caution you against getting caught in an online echo chamber. Diversity of interests, personality, and opinion make for a richer experience, with opportunities for connecting and expanding your worldview.
Here are a few suggestions on ways to socialize while staying home and staying safe. Communicating with other humans is good for you, physically and mentally.
Interactive Livestreams on Twitch:
Twitch is best known as a streaming service for video game fans, but it offers multiple streams appealing to different interests. This is more than passive watching (although that is an option, too) as Twitch livestream channels also have chat rooms. Twitch is fun for people who like multi-tasking because the chat rooms for popular livestream channels can get busy with chatter.
While people watch the Twitch hosts play a video game, film a live podcast, make music or art, mix cocktails, or dance, they can comment on what they’re watching, make suggestions, ask questions, crack jokes, and get to know each other (by Twitch handle, so it is still as anonymous as you want it to be) in the chat room. The best hosts take time every so often to interact directly with the chat room questions and comments.
Many Twitch channels develop loyal followers who get to know each other, thus forming communities. I have participated in the Alamo Drafthouse Master Pancake movie mocks a few times because they are fun and local to Austin, where I live. Plus, in my non-quarantine life, I would go to Master Pancake shows live sometimes. The chat room feels familiar in a nice way. While watching online is free, you can (and totally should) tip them.
Online trivia in real time:
There are some good options for real-time online trivia, but I’m impressed with the NYC Trivia League’s model. They have trivia games online on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. The NYC Trivia League seems to have figured out a good way to run the game live while keeping answers private from the other teams. They run games on Instagram Live with a live video of the host, and participants answer via the question feature. Clever!
Online book club:
First I have to shout out my Austin local independent bookstore, BookPeople, because they are fantastic. They run book clubs throughout the year, along with readings, book signings, and all things book-related. BookPeople hosts several online book clubs during these lockdown days, and most people will find something that appeals to them.
I’m also impressed with this list from Hugo House, a writer’s resource based out of Seattle. This list includes Instagram and Goodread book clubs, book clubs for Black women, rebels, and poetry lovers. The Financial Diet recommends the Reddit book club, if you are comfortable with the Reddit format. Please note that it’s a busy place, but if you like Reddit, you already know this.
Cooking class or virtual tasting:
This is doubly satisfying because you can follow these chefs in real time, and you end up with a meal. There are a couple on Instagram Live, such as The Culinistas or Chef Massimo Bottura.
You can also participate in virtual tastings for wine, whiskey, or chocolate, though you will have to buy the product to participate in the classes (usually held over Zoom or Facebook Live). If you are in Austin, Dallas, or Houston, I recommend BeenThere Locals. The cost of the course includes the wine, spirits, or cooking kit in most cases, and all of the money goes to the business and expert hosting the class.
Look for your favorite wine, spirits, cheese, chocolate makers, and chefs that are local to you to find a similar experience. Most either prepare the class kit for pickup or delivery within a local area.
Quarantine chat:
To interact with another quarantined person seeking social interaction, there’s Quarantine Chat. Quarantine chat is one of the ways to connect through the Dialup app, available on iOS and Android devices. Sign up to make and receive calls when you want to speak with someone. The Dialup app pairs you randomly with another person for a phone conversation, at a scheduled time, either with anyone or with someone with shared interests.
Quarantine chat takes it a step further with calls at random times. When your quarantine chat caller calls, you will not see their number (or they yours), only the “Quarantine Chat” caller ID. If you are unable to pick up when they call, they will be connected with someone else, so there is no pressure to answer. It’s nice to hear someone else’s voice, merely to talk about what you’ve been cooking or what hilarious thing your pet is doing.
Play Uno:
Uno Freak lets people set up games and play Uno online with friends or strangers. Players do not need to register or download anything to play. Uno Freak is web-based.
Talk to mental health professionals:
If your state of loneliness starts sliding toward depression, call someone you can speak to right away to talk over your concerns. When in doubt, call a trained professional! Here are a few resources:
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 am–6 pm, ET, 800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org.
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to this text line 24/7 for someone to text with who will also be able to refer you to other resources: U.S. and Canada: 74174, U.K. 85258, Ireland: 50808.
- Psych Central has put together this comprehensive list of crisis intervention specialists and ways to contact them immediately.
There are many ways to connect even though we are physically apart. These are just a few real time ways to interact with others online. If you want something a little more flesh and blood, take a walk around the block or even sit in a chair in front of where you live.
Wave at people from afar, and remember that we have lots of brilliant doctors and scientists working on a way out of this. Hang in there, buddy. I’m rooting for you. I’m rooting for all of us.
Rob Hahn
March 25, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Interesting points, Ben. But even your shifted metric has no data available, no proof in the pudding.
Return on Engagement still connotes a return on an activity. In the marketing world, the key isn’t the result per se (the transaction) but “lift over control”. Meaning, holding all other factors equal, does Activity X result in a significant, measurable improvement over not doing Activity X?
You can draw a squiggly line — you networked in real life. You got papers published, etc. etc. Would another person who also networked, who also got papers published, etc. have had the same success you did without blogging or social networking?
If the answer is Yes, then all of your blogging and social networking had zero return on engagement as well.
I’ll post more over at Notorious, as your well-considered post deserves an equally well-considered response. 🙂
-rsh
Sparky
March 25, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Ben – Thanks! You answered my question!….
Todd Carpenter
March 25, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I totally see your point Ben, but for me, there’s no such thing as spare time. The monetary cost of social media may be very low, but the time it takes is considerable. That same time could be used to cold call, or send out a newsletter, or even kick back and watch hockey. No matter what, it’s not free.
Ben Martin
March 25, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@tcar I never once mentioned spare or free time. I called it unproductive time.
I’d be curious to hear your feedback on the analogy of knowledge as inventory.
Todd Carpenter
March 25, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I see unproductive and spare as the same thing. Time is time, and If I’m going to devote it to work, it has to pay off. My blogging efforts have definitely paid off, but if the time was better spent doing some outside of the web, I’d drop blogging in an instant.
I totally agree with you knowledge analogy. Websites tell customers that “I’m the expert”. Blogs prove it.
Sparky
March 25, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Time is still money, regardless of whether it’s unproductive time or otherwise. So in some sense, you probably could measure/gauge the ROI on your social networking time. But for me, I don’t see the value of qualifying something that I already know if working effectively.
Wade Young
March 25, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I don’t have any unproductive time. At work I am busy from the time I arrive until the time I force myself to depart. At home I have a wife and a 5 year old — enough said. The fact that the social media isn’t paying off in real dollars for so many people is disconcerting to me. I know that some people hit home runs, but most bloggers fail to produce results in the dollars category, at least as far as I can tell. I agree that people should blog if it works versus doing something they hate — such as making cold calls. I like networking, so I spend a lot of time at that. Blogging isn’t a zero cost endeavor. The cost is extremely high. Doing it right requires a lot of time, and time is the most valuable thing any of us has. I think it also requires a tremendous amount of patience as those who do see results in terms of dollars often do not see them until they have been blogging for quite some time.
Ben Martin
March 26, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Wade, wow, we lead very similar lives. I have a demanding job, a wife and a five year old, too! I will disagree that time is the most valuable thing. Expertise is more valuable in my view. If time were more valuable than expertise, Realtors would charge by the hour. I don’t have anything else to argue with you about. 😉
Laura S Flournoy
March 26, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Ben,
Never has it been so obvious to me that while for some the cup is half full…. to others it is half empty. Social media does seem to have played a very important role in your life and career. But I would be willing to bet that your disposition has added the immeasurable successes to your career, and would no matter what field you were in. Great writing.
Bob
March 26, 2008 at 1:22 pm
i like this paragraph. I think it is the crux of the value of blogging. I don’t write trivia, I seek to write what engages the reader in such a way as to meet a need. As a result, what I have written about over the last 6 months has engaged hundreds and is now generating several listings a week. By June 1st, it will easily be a listing a day.
What I don’t do is write for the sake of writing. I’m not that good a writer and not that interesting a read.
It’s that principle that is the Achilles heel for many agents who blog with no results because they have little knowledge to bring to the table and it shows in what what they write about.
Andy Kaufman
March 26, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I’ve thought about this for a while and what I’ve determined is that your ROI from Social Media Marketing is closely aligned with how much you’ve embraced it as a way of life.
Social Media Marketing is MUCH bigger than blogging. It’s commenting, it’s twittering, it’s facebooking, it’s flickring photos, it’s digging & stumbling articles. We use these tools to connect and to help each other out which in turn it helps us. My network is my personal community. I’m continually looking to build it and interact with it in ways that provide value so that when I need something, I’ve already built a reserve of social capital to draw upon.
Another thing…Online friends are great, but crossing that digital divide and connecting offline makes those bonds that much stronger. That’s the reason why SXSW rocked so much. There were great panels and great parties, but getting the chance to connect with so many of my online friends in real life was what really made it so special.
Plus you get to learn things like… Benn really doesn’t have a perpetual coffee mug in front of his face 24/7 😉
ines
March 26, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Putting everything aside – to think of all the friends that would welcome me into their cities all around the nation that I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for social networking is truly amazing. I received 3 referrals this week through social networking. To me it’s a no-brainer – but it does take time. If I wouldn’t enjoy it, it would be a totally different conversation.
Jacob Morgan
March 29, 2008 at 7:37 pm
right on Andy, we definitely have the same point of view on this (thanks for the blog comment by the way). Social media is all about crossing the digital divide and connecting with people offline!
Looking forward to the barcamp, sounds like an awesome time
Jacob