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Back by “Poopular” Demand- More Agent Bloopers

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easterbunnychuck-by-eoshea

It’s Un-Real Estate, folks…

and just when you thought you heard ‘em all…

How About These Marketing Strategies!

  • Kids Play Rum (And agent apparently drinks it.)
  • Main house and carnage house. ( Bugsy Siegel must have lived there.)
  • Home Made Hiney rolls served (Do I get Wipes with that?)
  • Two minutes to Strip (Can you buy me dinner first?)
  • Club foot tub (Getting those special shoes on the tub must have been a killer.)
  • Sheik contemporary (A modern house in Dubai?)
  • New pole in back yard for outdoor fun (Must be the Bunny Ranch.)
  • Bring your fuzziest clients (Including your hairy mother.)
  • Special tanks to those who donate. (Wouldn’t an AK-47 suffice?)
  • Beautiful Sanitarium for Sunny mornings. (Electro-shock anyone?)
  • Major stone coming to the neighborhood. (Ouch, that will be hard to pass.)
  • Newer constriction. (Try a colonic.)
  • Own a piece of heathen. (Ah…the Bunny Ranch again…)
  • House rises above the street. (The David Copperfield Estate.)
  • New cemen driveway ( I’ll bet it’s near the Bunny Ranch)

More Kinky and Quirky:

  • Private Studo above garage. (How convenient – give him my number!)
  • Large dick for entertaining (Hmmm, does this belong to Studo?)
  • Dog runs on one side (Maybe he only has 2 legs)
  • Built in stereo and TB (Is this the house with the sanitarium?)
  • Bogus room downstairs (Can I submit a bogus offer?)
  • Room for bunker beds (Archie and Edith lived here.)
  • Seasonal creep runs alongside the road (Is his name, Studo?)
  • Stoned patio. (Someone Bogarted that joint.)
  • Statutes in garden (Was this a law library?)
  • Owen doesn’t work. (Kick his butt to the curb… Then call Studo.)
  • EZ access for mountn sports (An elevator to Studo’s pad above the garage?)

Rede Twice, Use Spell Czech, and Lern Englesh

  • “Dance andf art studio” (For classically trained farters)
  • Disclosure: Pet ceminary nearby. (For pets going into the ministry.)
  • New lightening in pool area (That’s a killer deal!)
  • Submit with FUCO scores. (Because this is a FUCO house?)
  • Proof of funs needed (Isn’t the pole out back proof enough?)
  • Low interest rats (Vermin that are bored easily)
  • Seller is a crapenter (He obviously does sh—y work!)
  • Rod in bedroom goes with seller, so please don’t ask. (Don’t flatter yourself, Studo!)
  • Diamond in the Ruff (Well, pump the poor dog’s stomach!)
  • Bar-B-Q Pet in Back Yard (Apparently Ruff didn’t survive.)
  • Looking for Hot Buyers (Ugly folks need not apply.)
  • Big yard with “squirls and Rabies.” (Sellers frothing at the mouth to make a deal?)
  • Comes with dick and dingy (Sean Penn and Jessica Simpson?)
  • Drawing for Special Prixe (You ain’t that special, Studo.)

And This Week’s Favorite:

  • Hind End Recessed Lights (Designed for the place “where the sun don’t shine”)
  • Thanks again to the MLS, the LA Times, the New York Times, and LA Magazine for your unwitting contributions.

    I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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    14 Comments

    14 Comments

    1. Ken Montville - The MD Suburbs of DC

      May 15, 2009 at 9:18 am

      Tell the truth. Is this stuff real or do you make it up?

    2. Paula Henry

      May 15, 2009 at 9:22 am

      Oh no – this has to be real! Gwen just has the uncanny ability to see the humor in it all and bring it together. I just love these and after this week, it was a welcome and needed time to sit and laugh out loud.

      Thanks again, Gwen, for sharing your wonderful sense of humor:)

    3. Matt Stigliano

      May 15, 2009 at 9:30 am

      Gwen – Another awesome post from you. I fear one day I might show up in your posts. It is my biggest fear in life (surpassing maggots I have to tell you – and I’m really freaking out by them).

    4. Gwen Banta

      May 15, 2009 at 1:21 pm

      Hi Ken – Thanks for thinking I’m smart enough to make this stuff up. I’m not…but I certainly am that bent!

    5. Gwen Banta

      May 15, 2009 at 1:26 pm

      Thanks so much, Paula. I collect these stories, but I obviously can’t confirm every story an agent tells me. Some of them are so vivid they remain in my head like a story catalogue, whereas others I jot down everywhere. Recently my assistant asked me if I was having problems with my oven. She was reading a note on the back of a listing sheet that referenced the “Owen doesn’t work” comment. Since I began this blog, the stories keep flooding in. Now, of course, I am constantly looking. Let me know if you see anything and I’ll add it to the “Poopular List.” have a great weekend.

    6. Gwen Banta

      May 15, 2009 at 1:30 pm

      Actually, Matt, you were the entire inspiration for the pancake post. I have shown up in my own posts, but I try not to admit which blunders are mine. Knowing your great sense of humor, I’m sure you’ll have more tales for me to record. I’m right with you there on that maggot thing, however. Actually, I did hear a story that involved maggots, and it was perversely funny, but I was too freaked out to write it. I can’t do the rat-thing either. My next blog involves animal chaos at open houses, but I had to leave out the aforementioned offenders. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is! Thanks so much for your ongoing support. I hope you have a wonderful, larva-free weekend.

    7. Paula Henry

      May 15, 2009 at 2:40 pm

      Need a break, need a good laugh – check out Gwen Banta’s Agent Bloopers – https://bit.ly/I5lrk

    8. Matt Stigliano

      May 15, 2009 at 2:41 pm

      RT @IndyAgent Need a break, need a good laugh – check out Gwen Banta’s Agent Bloopers – https://bit.ly/I5lrk [Then go read all of her posts]

    9. Austin Smith - Goomzee.com

      May 15, 2009 at 3:10 pm

      Ha ha, ‘larva-free weekend’…

      Nice work Gwen. Whenever I see your posts, I get an email ready to pass the URL around the office. keep ’em comin’.

    10. Charles Galati

      May 15, 2009 at 4:34 pm

      Agent Bloopers – Un-Real Estate | Real Estate Blog Magazine – Real … https://bit.ly/gpxlh

    11. AGKHAN

      May 15, 2009 at 8:21 pm

      20 Agent Bloopers – Un-Real Estate | Real Estate Blog Magazine – Real …: 3 Responses to BACK BY “POOPULAR” D.. https://tinyurl.com/p2zvfl

    12. Missy Caulk

      May 16, 2009 at 10:08 am

      Gwen, did you know laughter is good for the body ? Releases endorphins…I always get mine released when I read your posts.

      Your take on this is just as funny.

    13. Gwen Banta

      May 19, 2009 at 2:46 am

      You are the smart one, Missy – your posts are great. I’m just the smartass. But every classroom needs a jester, so thanks for the support!

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    Business Marketing

    Ghost Reply has us asking: Should you shame a recruiter who ghosted you?

    (BUSINESS MARKETING) Ghost Reply will send an anonymous “kind reminder” to recruiters who ghost job candidates, but is the sweet taste of temporary catharsis worth it?

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    Stressed woman at a laptop with hands on head, considering if she should send a Ghost Reply.

    People hate to get “ghosted” in any situation, personal or professional. But for job seekers who may already be struggling with self-esteem, it can be particularly devastating. Ghost Reply is a new online service that will help you compose and send an email nudge to the ghoster, sending a “kind reminder” telling them how unprofessional it is to leave someone hanging like that.

    Ghost Reply wants to help you reach catharsis in all of this stressful mess of finding a job. Almost all of the problems and feelings are compounded by this confounded pandemic that has decimated areas of the workforce and taken jobs and threatened people’s financial security. It is understandable to want to lash out at those in power, and sending a Ghost Reply email to the recruiter or HR person may make you feel better in the short term.

    In the long run, though, will it solve anything? Ghost Reply suggests it may make the HR person or recruiter reevaluate their hiring processes, indicating this type of email may help them see the error of their ways and start replying to all potential candidates. If it helps them reassess and be more considerate in the future and helps you find closure in the application/interview process, that would be the ideal outcome on all fronts. It is not likely this will happen, though.

    The Ghost Reply sample email has the subject line “You have a message from a candidate!” Then it begins, “Hi, (name), You’re receiving this email because a past candidate feels like you ghosted them unfairly.” It then has a space for said candidate to add on any personal notes regarding the recruiter or process while remaining anonymous.

    I get it. It’s upsetting to have someone disappear after you’ve spent time and energy applying, possibly even interviewing, only to hear nothing but crickets back from the recruiter or HR person you interacted with. It’s happened to me more than once, and it’s no bueno. We all want to be seen. We all want to be valued. Ghosting is hurtful. The frustration and disappointment, even anger, that you feel is certainly relatable. According to several sources, being ghosted after applying for a job is one of the top complaints from job seekers on the market today.

    Will an anonymous, passive-aggressive email achieve your end? Will the chastened company representative suddenly have a lightbulb go off over their heads, creating a wave of change in company policy? I don’t see it. The first sentence of the sample email, in fact, is not going to be well received by HR.

    When you start talking about what’s “unfair,” most HR people will tune out immediately. That kind of language in itself is unprofessional and is a red flag to many people. Once you work at a company and know its culture and have built relationships, then, maybe, just maybe, can you start talking about your work-related feelings. I believe in talking about our feelings, but rarely is a work scenario the best place to do so (I speak from experience). Calling it unprofessional is better, less about you and more about the other person’s behavior.

    However, it’s unclear how productive Ghost Reply actually is. Or how anonymous, frankly. By process of deduction, the recipient of the email may be able to figure out who sent it, if it even makes it through the company’s spam filters. Even if they cannot pinpoint the exact person, it may cast doubts on several applicants or leave a bad taste in the recruiter’s mouth. It sounds like sour grapes, which is never a good thing.

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    Ultimately, you will never know why they ghosted you. If it makes you feel better or at least see the issue from both sides, the amount of job candidates ghosting recruiters after applying and even interviewing is equally high. Some people simply either have awful time management skills or awful manners, and at the end of the day, there’s not much you can do about that.

    Focus on your own survival while job hunting, instead of these disappointing moments or the person who ghosts you. It will serve you better in the long run than some anonymous revenge email. There are other ways to deal with your frustration and anger when you do get ghosted, though. Try the classic punching your pillow. Try taking a walk around the block. If it helps to put your frustration into words, and it very well may, then do so. Write it on a piece of paper, then burn it. Or type it all in an email and delete it. For your own sake, do NOT put their email address in the “To” line, lest you accidentally hit “Send.”

    The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can move on to finding a better job fit for you.

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    Business Marketing

    Free shipping is everywhere… how can small businesses keep up?

    [BUSINESS MARKETING] Would you rather pay less but still pay for shipping, or pay more with free shipping? They may cost the same, but one appeals more than the other.

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    Person standing over pacakge, sealing with masking tape.

    When it comes to competing with huge corporations like Amazon, there are plenty of hurdles that smaller businesses have to cross. Corporations can (and do) undercut the competition, not to mention garner a much larger marketing reach than most small businesses could ever dream of achieving. But this time, we want to focus on something that most people have probably chosen recently: Free shipping.

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    Part of this has to do with the fact that shipping costs are often perceived as additional fees, not unlike taxes or a processing fee. In fact, according to Ravi Dhar, director of Yale’s Center for Customer Insights, if it’s between a discounted item with a shipping fee or a marked up item with free shipping, individuals are more likely to choose the latter – even if both options cost exactly the same amount.

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    So, how do you recapture the business of an audience that’s obsessed with free shipping?

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    Business Marketing

    How many hours of the work week are actually efficient?

    (BUSINESS MARKETING) Working more for that paycheck, more hours each week, on the weekends, on holidays can actually hurt productivity. So don’t do that, stay efficient.

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    Clock pointed to 5:50 on a plain white wall, well tracked during the week.

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    So, instead of following through with the goal to work more this year, maybe consider slowing the hustle. It might actually be more effective in the long run!

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