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Back by “Poopular” Demand- More Agent Bloopers

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easterbunnychuck-by-eoshea

It’s Un-Real Estate, folks…

and just when you thought you heard ‘em all…

How About These Marketing Strategies!

  • Kids Play Rum (And agent apparently drinks it.)
  • Main house and carnage house. ( Bugsy Siegel must have lived there.)
  • Home Made Hiney rolls served (Do I get Wipes with that?)
  • Two minutes to Strip (Can you buy me dinner first?)
  • Club foot tub (Getting those special shoes on the tub must have been a killer.)
  • Sheik contemporary (A modern house in Dubai?)
  • New pole in back yard for outdoor fun (Must be the Bunny Ranch.)
  • Bring your fuzziest clients (Including your hairy mother.)
  • Special tanks to those who donate. (Wouldn’t an AK-47 suffice?)
  • Beautiful Sanitarium for Sunny mornings. (Electro-shock anyone?)
  • Major stone coming to the neighborhood. (Ouch, that will be hard to pass.)
  • Newer constriction. (Try a colonic.)
  • Own a piece of heathen. (Ah…the Bunny Ranch again…)
  • House rises above the street. (The David Copperfield Estate.)
  • New cemen driveway ( I’ll bet it’s near the Bunny Ranch)

More Kinky and Quirky:

  • Private Studo above garage. (How convenient – give him my number!)
  • Large dick for entertaining (Hmmm, does this belong to Studo?)
  • Dog runs on one side (Maybe he only has 2 legs)
  • Built in stereo and TB (Is this the house with the sanitarium?)
  • Bogus room downstairs (Can I submit a bogus offer?)
  • Room for bunker beds (Archie and Edith lived here.)
  • Seasonal creep runs alongside the road (Is his name, Studo?)
  • Stoned patio. (Someone Bogarted that joint.)
  • Statutes in garden (Was this a law library?)
  • Owen doesn’t work. (Kick his butt to the curb… Then call Studo.)
  • EZ access for mountn sports (An elevator to Studo’s pad above the garage?)

Rede Twice, Use Spell Czech, and Lern Englesh

  • “Dance andf art studio” (For classically trained farters)
  • Disclosure: Pet ceminary nearby. (For pets going into the ministry.)
  • New lightening in pool area (That’s a killer deal!)
  • Submit with FUCO scores. (Because this is a FUCO house?)
  • Proof of funs needed (Isn’t the pole out back proof enough?)
  • Low interest rats (Vermin that are bored easily)
  • Seller is a crapenter (He obviously does sh—y work!)
  • Rod in bedroom goes with seller, so please don’t ask. (Don’t flatter yourself, Studo!)
  • Diamond in the Ruff (Well, pump the poor dog’s stomach!)
  • Bar-B-Q Pet in Back Yard (Apparently Ruff didn’t survive.)
  • Looking for Hot Buyers (Ugly folks need not apply.)
  • Big yard with “squirls and Rabies.” (Sellers frothing at the mouth to make a deal?)
  • Comes with dick and dingy (Sean Penn and Jessica Simpson?)
  • Drawing for Special Prixe (You ain’t that special, Studo.)

And This Week’s Favorite:

  • Hind End Recessed Lights (Designed for the place “where the sun don’t shine”)
  • Thanks again to the MLS, the LA Times, the New York Times, and LA Magazine for your unwitting contributions.

    I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn, LAhomesite.com, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.

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    14 Comments

    14 Comments

    1. Ken Montville - The MD Suburbs of DC

      May 15, 2009 at 9:18 am

      Tell the truth. Is this stuff real or do you make it up?

    2. Paula Henry

      May 15, 2009 at 9:22 am

      Oh no – this has to be real! Gwen just has the uncanny ability to see the humor in it all and bring it together. I just love these and after this week, it was a welcome and needed time to sit and laugh out loud.

      Thanks again, Gwen, for sharing your wonderful sense of humor:)

    3. Matt Stigliano

      May 15, 2009 at 9:30 am

      Gwen – Another awesome post from you. I fear one day I might show up in your posts. It is my biggest fear in life (surpassing maggots I have to tell you – and I’m really freaking out by them).

    4. Gwen Banta

      May 15, 2009 at 1:21 pm

      Hi Ken – Thanks for thinking I’m smart enough to make this stuff up. I’m not…but I certainly am that bent!

    5. Gwen Banta

      May 15, 2009 at 1:26 pm

      Thanks so much, Paula. I collect these stories, but I obviously can’t confirm every story an agent tells me. Some of them are so vivid they remain in my head like a story catalogue, whereas others I jot down everywhere. Recently my assistant asked me if I was having problems with my oven. She was reading a note on the back of a listing sheet that referenced the “Owen doesn’t work” comment. Since I began this blog, the stories keep flooding in. Now, of course, I am constantly looking. Let me know if you see anything and I’ll add it to the “Poopular List.” have a great weekend.

    6. Gwen Banta

      May 15, 2009 at 1:30 pm

      Actually, Matt, you were the entire inspiration for the pancake post. I have shown up in my own posts, but I try not to admit which blunders are mine. Knowing your great sense of humor, I’m sure you’ll have more tales for me to record. I’m right with you there on that maggot thing, however. Actually, I did hear a story that involved maggots, and it was perversely funny, but I was too freaked out to write it. I can’t do the rat-thing either. My next blog involves animal chaos at open houses, but I had to leave out the aforementioned offenders. I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is! Thanks so much for your ongoing support. I hope you have a wonderful, larva-free weekend.

    7. Paula Henry

      May 15, 2009 at 2:40 pm

      Need a break, need a good laugh – check out Gwen Banta’s Agent Bloopers – https://bit.ly/I5lrk

    8. Matt Stigliano

      May 15, 2009 at 2:41 pm

      RT @IndyAgent Need a break, need a good laugh – check out Gwen Banta’s Agent Bloopers – https://bit.ly/I5lrk [Then go read all of her posts]

    9. Austin Smith - Goomzee.com

      May 15, 2009 at 3:10 pm

      Ha ha, ‘larva-free weekend’…

      Nice work Gwen. Whenever I see your posts, I get an email ready to pass the URL around the office. keep ’em comin’.

    10. Charles Galati

      May 15, 2009 at 4:34 pm

      Agent Bloopers – Un-Real Estate | Real Estate Blog Magazine – Real … https://bit.ly/gpxlh

    11. AGKHAN

      May 15, 2009 at 8:21 pm

      20 Agent Bloopers – Un-Real Estate | Real Estate Blog Magazine – Real …: 3 Responses to BACK BY “POOPULAR” D.. https://tinyurl.com/p2zvfl

    12. Missy Caulk

      May 16, 2009 at 10:08 am

      Gwen, did you know laughter is good for the body ? Releases endorphins…I always get mine released when I read your posts.

      Your take on this is just as funny.

    13. Gwen Banta

      May 19, 2009 at 2:46 am

      You are the smart one, Missy – your posts are great. I’m just the smartass. But every classroom needs a jester, so thanks for the support!

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    Business Marketing

    Use the ‘Blemish Effect’ to skyrocket your sales

    (MARKETING) The Blemish Effect dictates that small, adjacent flaws in a product can make it that much more interesting—is perfection out?

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    blemish effect

    Presenting a product or service in its most immaculate, polished state has been the strategy for virtually all organizations, and overselling items with known flaws is a practice as old as time. According to marketing researchers, however, this approach may not be the only way to achieve optimal results due to something known as the “Blemish Effect.”

    The Blemish Effect isn’t quite the inverse of the perfectionist product pitch; rather, it builds on the theory that small problems with a product or service can actually throw into relief its good qualities. For example, a small scratch on the back of an otherwise pristine iPhone might draw one’s eye to the glossy finish, while an objectively perfect housing might not be appreciated in the same way.

    The same goes for mildly bad press or a customer’s pros and cons list. If someone has absolutely no complaints or desires for whatever you’re marketing, the end result can look flat and lacking in nuance. Having the slightest bit of longing associated with an aspect (or lack thereof) of your business means that you have room to grow, which can be tantalizing for the eager consumer.

    A Stanford study indicates that small doses of mildly negative information may actually strengthen a consumer’s positive impression of a product or service. Interesting.

    Another beneficial aspect of the Blemish Effect is that it helps consumers focus their negativity. “Too good to be true” often means exactly that, and we’re eager to criticize where possible. If your product or service has a noticeable flaw which doesn’t harm the item’s use, your audience might settle for lamenting the minor flaw and favoring the rest of the product rather than looking for problems which don’t exist.

    This concept also applies to expectation management. Absent an obvious blemish, it can be all to easy for consumers to envision your product or service on an unattainable level.

    When they’re invariably disappointed that their unrealistic expectations weren’t fulfilled, your reputation might take a hit, or consumers might lose interest after the initial wave.

    The takeaway is that consumers trust transparency, so in describing your offering, tossing in a negative boosts the perception that you’re being honest and transparent, so a graphic artist could note that while their skills are superior and their pricing reasonable, they take their time with intricate projects. The time expectation is a potentially negative aspect of their service, but expressing anything negative improves sales as it builds trust.

    It should be noted that the Blemish Effect applies to minor impairments in cosmetic or adjacent qualities, not in the product or service itself. Delivering an item which is inherently flawed won’t make anyone happy.

    In an age where less truly is more, the Blemish Effect stands to dictate a new wave of honesty in marketing.

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    Business Marketing

    Google Chrome will no longer allow premium extensions

    (MARKETING) In banning extension payments through their own platform, Google addresses a compelling, if self-created, issue on Chrome.

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    Google Chrome open on a laptop on a organized desk.

    Google has cracked down on various practices over the past couple of years, but their most recent target—the Google Chrome extensions store—has a few folks scratching their heads.
    Over the span of the next few months, Google will phase out paid extensions completely, thus ending a bizarre and relatively negligible corner of internet economy.

    This decision comes on the heels of a “temporary” ban on the publication of new premium extensions back in March. According to Engadget, all aspects of paid extension use—including free trials and in-app purchases—will be gone come February 2021.

    To be clear, Google’s decision won’t prohibit extension developers from charging customers to use their products; instead, extension developers will be required to find alternative methods of requesting payment. We’ve seen this model work on a donation basis with extensions like AdBlock. But shifting to something similar on a comprehensive scale will be something else entirely.

    Interestingly, Google’s angle appears to be in increasing user safety. The Verge reports that their initial suspension of paid extensions was put into place as a response to products that included “fraudulent transactions”, and Google’s subsequent responses since then have comprised more user-facing actions such as removing extensions published by different parties that accomplish replica tasks.

    Review manipulation, use of hefty notifications as a part of an extension’s operation, and generally spammy techniques were also eyeballed by Google as problem points in their ongoing suspension leading up to the ban.

    In banning extension payments through their own platform, Google addresses a compelling, if self-created, issue. The extension store was a relatively free market in a sense—something that, given the number of parameters being enforced as of now, is less true for the time being.

    Similarly, one can only wonder about which avenues vendors will choose when seeking payment for their services in the future. It’s entirely possible that, after Google Chrome shuts down payments in February, the paid section of the extension market will crumble into oblivion, the side effects of which we can’t necessarily picture.

    For now, it’s probably best to hold off on buying any premium extensions; after all, there’s at least a fighting chance that they’ll all be free come February—if we make it that far.

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    Business Marketing

    Bite-sized retail: Macy’s plans to move out of malls

    (BUSINESS MARKETING) While Macy’s shares have recently climbed, the department store chain is making a change in regards to big retail shopping malls.

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    Macy's retail storefront, which may look different as they scale to smaller stores.

    I was recently listening to a podcast on Barstool Sports, and was surprised to hear that their presenting sponsor was Macy’s. This struck me as odd considering the demographic for the show is women in their twenties to thirties, and Macy’s typically doesn’t cater to that crowd. Furthermore, department retail stores are becoming a bit antiquated as is.

    The sponsorship made more sense once I learned that Macy’s is restructuring their operation, and now allowing their brand to go the way of the ghost. They feel that while malls will remain in operation, only the best (AKA the malls with the most foot traffic) will stand the test of changes in the shopping experience.

    As we’ve seen a gigantic rise this year in online shopping, stores like Macy’s and JC Penney are working hard to keep themselves afloat. There is so much changing in brick and mortar retail that major shifts need to be made.

    So, what is Macy’s proposing to do?

    The upscale department store chain is going to be testing smaller stores in locations outside of major shopping malls. Bloomingdale’s stores will be doing the same. “We continue to believe that the best malls in the country will thrive,” CEO Jeff Gennette told CNBC analysts. “However, we also know that Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s have high potential [off]-mall and in smaller formats.”

    While the pandemic assuredly plays a role in this, the need for change came even before the hit in March. Macy’s had announced in February their plans to close 125 stores in the next three years. This is in conjunction with Macy’s expansion of Macy’s Backstage, which offers more affordable options.

    Gennette also stated that while those original plans are still in place, Macy’s has been closely monitoring the competition in the event that they need to adjust the store closure timeline. At the end of the second quarter, Macy’s had 771 stores, including Bloomingdale’s and Bluemercury.

    Last week, Macy’s shares climbed 3 percent, after the retailer reported a more narrow loss than originally expected, along with stronger sales due to an uptick in their online business. So they’re already doing well in that regard. But will smaller stores be the change they need to survive?

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