“Great ride off” – welcome to the blooper derby!

Another awesome blooper reel

It’s Blooper Day again, my friends. I think the summer heat has fried a few brain cells… or perhaps I am just new to “creative marketing.” You be the judge. Thanks to Bryan Robertson of Palo Alto, CA for his great contributions. Names have been withheld to protect the incompetent.

Off to the Races

“Great ride off” (It’s a house, pal – not the Kentucky Derby!)

“New obligation system installed” (In my neighborhood, the obligation system was Carlo “The Convincer” Capolini  and his friendly vice grips.)

“Fool pad” (The soft spot between your ears?)

“Thin is a fixer.” (Try telling that to Bruce Willis’s hairline.)

“Please scab then email” (Isn’t it illegal to send body tissue through cyberspace?)

Can’t Get Out of the Gate?

“Builtin shives” (Are you selling San Quentin?)

“Limed draperies” (‘Sounds like someone went “man down” while doing Tequila shooters.)

“Beautifully remolded…will sell quickly” (However, the dead guy on the floor clutching his torn Hazmat suit might slow sales a bit…)

“Hand ribbed” ( Oh, is God making another Eve?)

“This is mine blowing!” (I am so sorry – should I assume your canary died?)

Trailing Far Behind

“Pool for Royal baby’s birth at grand open” (Did you really think Kate would shoot out the royal progeny from atop a diving board?)

“Custom shelves for your collectors” (How civil of you…but have you considered using them as dart boards?)

“Drawing for trip to Gran Caveman” (Are you soliciting visitors for your Neanderthal brother?)

“Pool with slide and broad” (Is that your mother-in-law face-down in the deep end?)

Time to Give Up the Reins

“Play area for the tits” (Ahem. Nope, not goin’ there…)

That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: Spell well and sell!