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“Hind-end granate” – bringing up the rear with the MLS

I have only one thing to say about this week’s MLS listings and real estate ads: Never type with your head up your behind – people might think you are displaying your best side.  Thanks to Jane Peters of L.A, Joan Rogers of Portland, and Wende Schoof  of San Francisco for their hysterical contributions to the April Fools’ Hall of Lame:

Ready For The Glue Factory

“Hind-end granate” (Horse’s ass speller)

“Naturale habitat will please your buyers” (Especially if they are nudists…)

“Pool with large slime for kiddies” (Green building at it’s finest.)

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“Commissions will be spit” (The banks have already dumped on us, so why not muster up some saliva for an encore?)

“Thermador with sex burners” (Heat is nice for the spice, but not when gas  is passed.)

More Than You Could Ever Ask For

“Charming tutor home in fantastic Los Feliz neighborhood” (YOU need a tutor, you big tooter.)

“Doreclosure. Well maintained.” (What the ‘H’ is this – a bellman with a clean shave and a  silk tie?)

“House is a long river” (“A River Runs Through It“…and an agent just blew it!)

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“Please follow digestion” (Proudly offered by Pepto Bismol Realty.)

Haste Makes Waste  

“Fixer:  Gross little dumper.” (Dumb and Dumper, Waste…and Wasted.)

“Sewer just connected and ready for occupancy” (Let me guess – “gross little dumper?”)

This Is What happens When You Have a Lobotomy 

Beutibful House in a very nice area of Redwood City at very affordable price thsi gorges house has to Master bedrooms upsters and one bedroom downsters, separate dinigroom and a nice back yard with space for a RV.nice and clean home

(I’mma takink bets on how many daze it took thish agent to shober up.)

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And This Week’s Fave

“Tenant’s thongs to be removed immediately” (Thanks Charlie Sheen…and welcome to Hollywood, friends!)

Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Gwen Banta

    April 2, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Thanks, for the shout-out, friends!

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