Is your listing dead on arrival… or are YOU?

I hope you all had a great Turkey Day. And speaking of turkeys, I found a few MLS turkeys last week that will brighten your holiday season. These offerings from the MLS and email fliers just confirm the fact that there’s no fool like an old Tool. Thanks to Jane Peters and Bruce Lemieux for their great contributions.

From Decay to DOA

“New Constriction needs finishes” (Old Intestine needs fiber.)

“Hurry – this will be sod soon.” (So will my grandma, but it’s rude to rush her. )

“Coffened ceilings” (I see dead people.)

“Enjoy the sunrise with your mourning coffee” (This must be the house with coffened ceilings…unless you’re trying to tell me Grandma finally bought the farm.)

“Very extinctive neighborhood” (Asses to ashes, dumb as dust.)

Sizzle That Fizzled

 “Many privates schools nearby” (Can you imagine that class photo?)

 “Addition in back” (Ah, yes – the Kim Kardashian of houses…)

 “Spectacular views from panthouse” (Is that code for “kinky bedroom”?)

“No showings past sun” (Thank you, Luke Skywalker.)

“Fred scratchers at open” (Either Fred is a dog, or he has the heartbreak of psoriasis.)

“Just pass fire hose” (This does not bode well…)

Fire the Decorator!

“House has great carcature” (Someone should kick you in the carcature.)

“Leave keys in malebox” (If there’s a box for males, I hope it contains George Clooney.)

“House has good draimage” (Agent has brain draimage…)

“High tach alarming system” (What is it – Pamela Anderson with a club?)

“Tenants would lather stay” (“Bubble bubble, toil and trouble”…)

Rubik’s Cube of the Week (Thanks, Jane and Bruce)

“Costume built…w/ dual starecase” (You can put lipstick on a pig, but apparently you can’t snap it out of a trance.)

“On the second floor and you have three and lushes no Balconey” ( I think we can all agree on who the lush is.)