Jeez, Louise! Are agents typing their listing remarks while perched on bar stools at Hooters? My advice to each of you: you misunderstood the drunk on the bar stool next to you when he mistook you for a bright Rhodes Scholar. He actually said, “Wow, what a bright nose color!” After reading these MLS bloopers, your cheeks may be rose, too:
Dare I Inquire?
“Do nut park in back” (Sign at L.A.P.D. headquarters.)
“A grate deal” (Are you selling homes or Parmesan?)
“Bestiful jew carpet” (Is there also a Fiddler on the Roof?)
“Charming porch swinger” (Send the sleazeball home to his wife.)
“An offer you can’t reuse” (Why bother to claim intellectual property rights with no glimmer of intellect in sight?)
Uh, What’s That You Said?
“Big square feets, needs attention” (…Winced the president of Nike when asked why Sasquatch’s endorsement contract was revoked.)
“Very roomy herse” (…Exclaimed King Henry VIII on his way to his super-sized tomb at Windsor Castle)
“Beautiful custom fins” (…Whined my high school boyfriend in an attempt to rationalize his hairdo to my father.)
“Really hog property” (…Beamed Kermit to Miss Piggy as he presented her with the keys to her new trough.)
“Chew paints & carpets” (…Ordered Viola Vermin when her rug-rats complained about the lack of snacks in their little backpacks.)
I’m Sorry I Asked
“Whip feet pls” (Directions on a box of Jello Toe Jam Pudding.)
“9p008 Spring Valley Rd” (Reason # 1 why you should never “p” in a strange place.)
“Youll enjoy exotic pants” (Only if your name is Psy and you’re doing it Gangnam Style.)
“Lots of estra barking” (Probably not a good selling point unless your client is Benji.)
Too Much Information!
“Please to ck pubic reckors” (I believe there’s a purple lotion that will those little buggers.)
That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: spell well and sell!