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“Please Maul Us”…and other offers you can’t refuse

I just returned from an extended trip to discover that some things never change. There were so many funny misspellings and blunders in the MLS this week that I am trying to think of a way to get the bloopers into pill form. I think the MLS should be used for medicinal purposes – it’s a great alternative to laughing gas! Check out some of my favorites:

Don’t Tempt Me

“For short sale status, please maul us’ (If you’re the lender, it would be my pleasure.)

“Please teat locks before leaving” (That’s udderly ridiculous.)

“Reck room in basement’” (And so is your career…)

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“Shed behind” (I will if you can unload that fat gut of yours…)

“Double pain windoos” (Not nearly as painful as your spelling skills.)

That Had to Hurt…

“In-grown pool” (Inbred agent.)

“We want submission” (Offered by Idi Amin Realty)

“Incomplete packages talk longer” (Incomplete brains should develop longer.)

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“Seller raking kennel” (Well, that’s certainly a load off…)

“Big bang for the buicks” (Thank you, Lee Iaccoca)

Even A Martini Can’t Fix This

“Built with attention to tail” (Hmm…sounds like a perfect home for Charlie Sheen)

“Owner says sail fast” (Whatever floats your boat, Noah…) 

“Loft can be extra bad” (So can I after a few martinis…)

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“Pot plants excluded” (Call me mellow yellow, but methinks someone has already pilfered them…)

“Large breakfast bra in kitch” (Cups included, I suppose…)

You Can’t Touch This

“Theater and ballsroom” (For those who enjoy popcorn and nuts.)

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Written By

I wear several hats: My mink fedora real estate hat belongs to Sotheby’s International Realty on the world famous Sunset Strip. I’M not world famous, but I've garnered a few Top Producer credits along the way. I also wear a coonskin writer's cap with an arrow through it, having written a few novels and screenplays and scored a few awards there, too. (The arrow was from a tasteless critic.) My sequined turban is my thespian hat for my roles on stage, and in film and television, Dahling. You can check me out in all my infamy at LinkedIn,, SherlockOfHomes, IMDB or you can shoot arrows at my head via email. I can take it.



  1. Tara Miller

    February 18, 2011 at 9:53 am

    I look forward to these every Friday! Always good for a laugh. Thanks!

  2. MH for Movoto

    February 18, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    it could be my imagination, but I think this round is extra-hilarious.

  3. Gwen Banta

    February 18, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Thanks, Tara and MH. It’s good to kick off the weekend with a few laughs…and a few drinks!

  4. Frank Rush

    February 19, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    These are very funny. I’ve seen a couple good ones up here in Duluth, Minnesota recently. I will have to start writing them down!

  5. Gwen Banta

    February 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Send them my way, Frank. I don’t recall having received any blooper submissions from Minnesota yet. Perhaps that’s because you have such good schools there. Or maybe the cold air keeps your minds more alert than here in CA where we live in a sun-induced haze.

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