The New Voice of Real Estate?

This original satire was published on November 12, 2007 and still holds true:

Ring Ring Ring

Hello! This is the Consumer Real Estate Sales Assistance Hotline. If you would like to sell your home, press 1. To purchase a home, press 2. If you’re calling from a rotary phone, please hold for assistance.

(Purchase a home.)
Please listen to the full message, as our options have recently changed.
If you would like to write an offer, press 1.
If you would like to respond to a counter offer, press 2.
If your offer has been accepted and you need to know what to do now, press 3.
If you would like to order inspections, press 4.
If you need to order title insurance, press 5.
If you’ve obtained inspections and don’t know what to do now, press 6.
To renegotiate your offer after inspections, press 7.
To obtain obtain necessary documentation from the home owners association, press 8.
If you need to remove contingencies, press 9.
If you would like a refund of your deposit, press 10.
If you would like to speak with a representative, press *.

(10)
Invalid response. Please listen to the automated menu.
Please listen to the full message, as our options have recently changed.
If you would like to write an offer, press 1.
If you would like to respond to a counter offer, press 2.
If your offer has been accepted and you need to know what to do now, press 3.
If you would like to order inspections, press 4.If you need to order title insurance, press 5.
If you’ve obtained inspections and don’t know what to do now, press 6.
To renegotiate your offer after inspections, press 7.
To obtain obtain necessary documentation from the home owners association, press 8.
If you need to remove contingencies, press 9.
If you would like a refund of your deposit, press 10.
If you would like to speak with a representative, press *.

(*)
All of our representatives are busy. Please hold and the next associate will be with you shortly.
(Radio station not quite in tune playing crappy music.)

Thank you for holding. We are experiencing a heavy call volume. Please continue holding and the next representative will be with you shortly.
(More crappy music.)

Thank you for holding. We appreciate your business. The next available representative will answer your call.
(More crappy music.)

Thank you for holding. The Consumer Real Estate Sales Assistance Hotline appreciates your patience. We will be with you shortly.
(More crappy music.)

Thank you for holding. If you’d like to leave a message, please press #.

(#)
Thank you for calling the Consumer Real Estate Sales Assistance Hotline. The voice mail you are calling is full. Please try back again later. Goodbye.